Working Hands, Talkative Mind

Introspect

2012-02-01T21:03:00.004+08:00

I give this feelings to You,

something I never wanted.

for I know in my spirit only You can help ~

my Lord,

can take and replace.

heal my heart, take away this feeling

of sadness that my being alone in life brings.

instead remove the scales from my eyes

and let me see

and enjoy every moment I have with my loved ones..

that going home to you early be departed from my mind,

just to be at peace,

just to stop thinking,

when will this feeling end.

Help me to enjoy every moment

and never look for things that are not here.

find solace and contentment,

not asking for anything in return,

not looking for what is impossible to be mine.

to understand deeply,

to love unconditionally,

to cherish every moment that is given to me.

I let go...

let go of this madness to You.

I choose to die to myself as I climb into Your presence again,

so I may live again..

alone or not

I live by my name.

Hear my Lord.

Hear oh God.

Selfless Love

2012-01-30T14:41:00.000+08:00

"learn to watch .. learn not to see..but just look.

learn not to speak ... but learn to read even without words.

learn how to stand and lend a hand..

but learn not to ache when your eyes found,

what you wish isn't there, your heart cannot bear.

learn not to care but care coz you love.

breath in life never look back.

at the end of the day, sigh your heart out,

for tomorrow is another day

for your selfless love."

When Reasons Fail

2011-10-11T21:32:00.004+08:00

You, I love so dearly.

I cherish so seriously.

I wish you know,

Yes, it's true!

The big wall between us,

The gap of time that surrounds us,

are like drops of water on a bucket,

like teardrops on a heavy rain.

Some words are filled with uncertainties,

A back door you opened for a possibility.

(Oh, how my heart ache,

my world crashed a bit..)

I understand but no!

I chose to love you,

to keep you in my heart.

To take whatever comes my way.

I have no reason

but my love for you.

Perhaps, if there are other reasons,

and those reasons fail,

in waiting for you..

I have another reason to take,

You love me.

That I know.

It's all I believe.

I hope one day we'll find each other.

No more walls,

No more gaps.

No more uncertainties,

But only Us.

We....... just Us!

What a day..!

end song: Maybe It's You

Out of the Deep.....Randomness

2011-07-14T19:39:00.003+08:00

I fought our way in to the light.... I was able to secure our lives.

We are happy.

We felt good.

I decided to share my life with others.

I helped others fought their way to the light..... they were able to secure their lives.

They are happy. They felt good.

I was happy. I felt good.

One day I was strolling a mall, I saw a happy family.

My kids are grown up, secured...ready to have their own.

The family I saw was laughing and sweetly touching each other.

I got sad. I felt alone.

I hurriedly left the place...I don't wanna see what others have

that I don't.

But I found myself in-front of two people loving each other.

I began to get annoyed.

What am I doing in places like these?

My unconscious spoke....." they are everywhere....and you are missing them..."

When I was over tasking for my family and others I thought about myself:

"It's my time..time for myself."

But my doors were shut up...I got imprisoned with this sickness.

And I found myself in a vague world I cannot understand.

Akala ko isang araw, mag wa walk ako along an isle to say my vow of love.

Akala ko isang araw, I'll be finally happy.

Akala ko isang araw, magagawa ko na ang mga bagay na pangarap kong gawin.

Akala ko isang araw, ako naman ang tatawa at ngingiti.

Akala ko.... akala ko....

isang araw.... isang araw.....

Nasaan na ang mga akala ko at ang mga isang araw?

Nilamon na ng sakit na ito na tanging himala ng Dios lamang ang makakasolusyon.

Dati...a woman told me as she held my hand.... she said, " I've never seen a woman having such lines on the palm. I only see these kinds of lines on men. I will pray to God that one day you will be happy because you are not destined to be happy. You're only destined to make other people happy."

Parang gusto ko ng maniwala. Imagine, I am sick and yet a lot of people are still blessed by my disposition, by my laughter, by my words, by my strength.

If only they know the tears I am shedding everyday.

The pain I am enduring randomly....

Haizt, no one cares to know. No one cares to listen.

They just like watching my every move.

And ask how I am making it each day with such a strength, such laughs, such smiles, such moves. Then shake my hands to say-- " You are a blessing to me....".

Sometimes, I wish this would end...that I go home but I always choose to stay because of one person I wish to see and be with. Yes, am still hoping for the elusive happiness. But somehow, I get weak. I also lose my sight somehow...and I sleep with tears.

Gusto kong pumunta sa isang lugar na ako naman ang pangingitiin at patatawanin...hindi ng isang clown kundi ng kagaya ng mga nakita ko sa mall at sa jeep. Gusto kong kumilos ng walang batas at patakaran na nagdidikta kung paano ako kikilos.

Gusto kong sumaya isang araw,....hindi pansamantalang saya kundi panghabambuhay.

Gusto kong lumaya sa karamdamang ito.

Gusto ko pa ring tuparin ang lahat ng gusto kong gawin,

para sa pamilya..... kahit natapos ko na.

para sa Lord ..... kahit araw-araw ay ganun na.

para sa ibang tao...... kahit sapat na...

para sa aking sarili......wala pa akong nagagawa kahit isa!

Haizt....

Your Love

2011-06-24T03:22:00.003+08:00

Your love,

so true,

so real,

it's here

and there's nothin' I can say,

it's like sugar to my coffee,

and cream to my shakes.

It turns into many colors,

giving shape to lifeless blue.

nothing else

could turn things like this,

like what

your love can do.

Sometimes I know

it frustrates you a lot,

to see me but can't be hold.

to listen to every word senseless

word I say.

to share things as if we're

really sharing,

to stay beside me

as you're really staying.

and when connections fail,

there you are and me,

a big, big gap of wall called distance.

I also sometimes know

your wonderings about me,

the mix feelings of uncertainties,

which you never,never want to disclose.

so you rely on reading me,

on feeling me,

on trusting me,

and on loving me.

But am thankful,

and I feel wonderful to have

such love from you.

so cool, so patient, so lovely.

as lovely as each morning

that comes to my life each day.

as lovely as the stars in the sky,

that shines on my every night.

as lovely as every flower

I see..

as lovely...

as lovely.

So I spend my nights and my days

staying beside you,

and you staying beside me,

really staying.

And I wish you know how much

I cherish each moment with you.

How much I love loving you.

and how many wishes I have,

( Oh, I know most of those wishes are impossible)

Oh, it hurts.

but I cast them anyway..., preadventure.

for your love.

maraming salamat po..

Who Are You

2011-06-19T15:11:00.004+08:00

entre: "How Sweet It is To be Loved By You"

Who are you ?
who invaded my world,
made one my two dimensions,
made green my wasted earth
because I didn't care anymore.

Who are you?
who fixed my broken bridges
and connected the broken lines that sounds can be heard again.
who allied my brain and heart
that they agree again.

Who are you?
who planted trees and flowering plants all over my place,
to make living full of feelings.
who watered the withered ones with love and care,
so I will notice again.

Who are you?
who keep the waves rolling and the rain falling,
when I stopped looking out on my territory.
who made me realized the rank I left and so come back.
who kept my candles burning at night.

Who are you?
who changed my mind.
who made me accept that two is better than one.
who filled my world with happiness.
who made each day better ones.

Who are you? Yes, who are you?
and how dare you do that to me... ha ha ha ha

Yes, you are the one who loves me
and the one I love so true.

You, who makes each day a moment to never forget.
I want you not to stop doing those things,
coz I love being hugged by you.
I love being kissed by you.
I love being with you.
and I don't know how it is without you around..
it'll be so hard to breath!

And I want you around me forever and ever.

end: Something In The Way She Moves

Copy....Pasted!

2011-06-09T02:59:00.002+08:00

Song: Nothing's Gonna Change My Love For You

I stopped making journal about my progress & failure in RHD. I thought that it is just a vanity. That if I'll be dead, even I will not read it! hahahaha!!

I resolved that I will go on with my normal life. Period. Whatever normal means. hahaha!

Yesterday I took a time to go out.... of course, as usual....alone! It's a good timing that rain is falling hard.... I toured around Plaridel! Nyahaha! Kay layo ng narating ko...walang ka thrill -thrill!! Hindi sana ako magdadala ng payong ( may bantay kasi ). Or, kusa kong iwawala ang payong...hahahha!!! Yan ang normal sa akin! Hindi normal pag may dala akong payong!

Ang lamig ng panahon but coke float tasted so gooood! And I finally found the Egyptian bangle I was looking for, accidentally. But I forgot to buy it because I hurried to the last full show of

X-men First Class, the movie. It's a favorite series of mine. I never miss watching it. It's a sci-fi action one but come to laugh at my reaction........ naiyak ako! nyahahaha! Siguro, kung may kasama ako, nabatukan ako ng wala sa panahon!

Well, le' me share some excerpts that copy-pasted to this brain of mine.

"You want the society to accept you, but you can't accept yourself." Acceptance by others become genuine when we have known first to accept ourselves-- who we are, what we are, our weaknesses, ugliness, our being different from others. No two people are alike,( that's why in truth, there is no such thing as "compatibility". Two people stay together and liked each other because they have learned to blend together, with their own differences, that made them compliment each other.). With acceptance comes being proud of who and what we are.... and that is not evil. It's an appreciation to an honest creation.

" No more hiding...". Why should you? Once Carmi Martin blurted, " If you have it, flaunt it!" We hide because we're afraid to be confronted, criticized, rejected or obsessively accepted by others. We don't need to camouflage ourselves. Let go.

It's like:

"It is me! I don't act like my age, nor think like one. Say what you want, but I am not really a funny person.... I only have a happy disposition. I think like Psyduck, the Pokemon! And most of all...... my skin is yellowish! ahahahahaha!!! Ui, wala akong jaundice, hereditary yan!"

Pwede mo 'yang dagdagan ng...

" I can read the future. I can predict the end of the world . I can fly like spiderman and climb tall buildings like badzmaru!! ahahaha! " Kahit ano'ng idagdag mo, okay lang basta 'wag mo itago!

"I never thought that I still have that soft part in my unconscious." and the touching reply, " You're not all rage and hatred... there is a kind part within you."--we all have a soft and kinder part within us. Man was originally created sinless until sin came in. That explains the kinder and softer part within each of us.

"Focus lies between rage and serenity. " Whatever "power" you have within (except kilikili power and bad breath....hahaha!), it will not come out in full blast unless we come to the point between rage (our pains, hurt, anger, sadness) and serenity. The "calmness" point of our mind and emotion, like the "eye of the typhoon".

" Promise me, you'll never read my mind again."-- What made this line striking? C'mon, I need a little space here! hahaha! Do you??

A lot of people now have become aware of what I said above... aware.... aware.....hmmm. Kaya nga dumadami na ang mga ninja sa FB at vampires sa Ameba Pico. Dumadami na din ang mga clanists..... patunay na kahit walang realidad, sinisikap ng marami na tuklasin kung sino, ano at ano ang meron siya at wala na silang takot na ihantad ang kani-kanilang katauhan! Ngunit dumarami din ang mga nagpapanggap.... nagpapalit ng katauhan, at nagpapalit-anyo!!

Parang naging movie review ang post ko na ito ah, but... wala eh, malakas ang ulan! And the rain keeps falling on my head!!

Baha na sa tribe namin sa Batangas. Puyat ako kasi I am monitoring.... the rain! Nag evacuate na mga tao sa amin. Hayyz I should have known that time like this will come... napasobra pahinga ko.... sobra!

Told ya-- to me, life can be simplified to make it happier!

End:

" If I have to live my life without you near me,

the days would all be empty.

The nights would seem so long.

With you I see forever wrote so clearly,

I might have been in love before,

But never felt this strong...

......... hold me now, touch me now..

I don't want to live without you..."

You are not What You Say You Are

2011-06-07T21:01:00.002+08:00

I received a comment by phone saying.... ya can tell everyone this is you and that is you....but it is not all you! Ahahahaha!! That's a friend on the other line.

Well, let me do some editing on two of my posts on surveys in Fb na panglibang trip lng with my real serious answers.. no ala FB air! hahaha!

POST NO.2.

Ang Gusto Ko Sa Isang BF??? nyahahahahha!!! Pak! ( Katuwaan Lang...Matawa lang! Ang KJ-- Pangeett! haha!)

by Tisha Santiago on Saturday, June 4, 2011 at 12:52pm

BOYFRIEND POTENTIAL SURVEY:

1. Dapat ba gwapo?

ans. Not so. but a good fresh look is better.

2. Matalino?

ans. Hindi kailangang matalino.. madiskarte at may common sense lang .

3. Preferred Age?

ans. Of my age. Or if younger...not too young. If older, at least 2-4 yrs older than me.

4. Preferred height?

<3 taller

5. How about sense of humor?

ans. I won't see a man who's so serious, formal and too legal. A good sense of humor is a mucho plus. I also won't date a man who's loud and bragging or someone who's so problematic.

6. How about piercings?

ans. I want my man, piercings free.

7. Accepts you for who you are?

ans. Yeah!

8. Pink hair?

<3 wehh....akin nlng un!

9. Mushy or no?

ans. No. I like a clean-cut, fresh looking man whom you can kiss anytime.

10. Thin or fat?

<3 ahhh....ahhhh....kaayusan

11. Moreno or chinito or mestizo?

ans. pwede but much preferred a pinoy look.

12. Long hair or short hair?

<3 short

13. Plastic or metal?

ans. transparent. Someone's who's honest and sincere.

14. Smells good?

<3 yeah! super !!

15. Smoker?

ans. Can be. Very seldom are men who don't smoke.But am hoping he can respect my smoke allergy.

16. Drinker?

ans. But not an alcoholic.

17. Boy-next-door type?

ans. it's not my type.

18. Musically inclined?

ans. not so

19. Plays piano?

<3 wag na!!

20. Plays bass and/or acoustic

guitar?

<3 pwede!!

21. Plays violin?

<3 optional....di nmn mailuluto yn! hahha

22. Sings very good?

<3 tama na ung aq nlng ang maingay! haha

23. Vain?

<3 yeah, clean!!

24. With glasses?

<3 no need pare!

25. With braces?

< teenager??

26. Shy type?

<3 wag nmn!!

27. Rebel or good boy?

<3 good boy

28. Active or passive?

<3 active

29. Tight or bomb?

ans. moderate

30. Singer or dancer?

<3 doesn't matter

31. Suplado?

<3 ngeks!!! ayaw!

32. Hiphop?

<3 hmmmm......

33. Earrings?

<3 di pwede!

35. Torpe?

ans. No! no! no!

36. Mr. Count-my-ex-girlfriends-until-you-drop?

ans. Basta ako yung last!

37. Dimples?

ans. fine but not needed.

38. Bookworm?

ans. pwede but not a plus point.

39. Mr. Love letter?

ans. yeah! I like a sweet and romantic man.

40. Makulit?

<3 Oo, pra pareho kmi.

41. Flirt?

<3 no way jose!

42. Poem writer?

<3 plus point

43. Serious?

ans. serious to me!

44. Campus crush?

<3 aba, eh di proud!

45. Painter?

<3 plus 1000x points!!

46. Religious?

<3 believer is enough.. religious????????? allergic!

47. Alaskador?

<3 wahahahahahhahahha!!!!!

48. Computer games geek? Or

internet freak?

<3 fine as fine as d pine tree!!

49. Speaks 20 languages?

<3 break na kmi ni jose rizal!! bawal balikan ang nakaraan! nyahahha!

50. Loyal o faithful?

<3 natural.

51. Tattoos?

<3 wag lng ahas, at dragon naka tattoo....pwede na name q! wahahaha

52. Motorbike or bicycle or walking or automobile type of guy?

<3 kahit ano.....pero mas type q, commuting guy!! ahaha

53. A good cook or not?

<3 yeah...super yeah! because I love to eat.Let our cooking talent blend.

54. Shops at expensive outlets or whatever?

<3 whatever

55. Has a deep concern for his family or the whatever type?

ans. Of course.

56. Hates children?

ans. He should love chidren.

57. Is a certified daredevil?

ans. No!!..

58. Has chest hair?

ans. I prefer a less hairy guy.

59. Can make you laugh even at the most serious of times?

< super yes!

60. Visits your dreams?

ans. Not necessary.

POST NO.1

Katuwaan...Pantanggal ng Stress,Pang time out! "92 Truths About Me"

by Tisha Santiago on Wednesday, April 13, 2011 at 8:41am

92 Truths About Me

by Charity De Vera on Tuesday, April 12, 2011 at 11:52pm

NAME: Maritess F. Santiago

AGE: 46

BIRTHDATE: March 27

PRESENT ADDRESS: Bulacan

WHAT WAS YOUR:

1. last beverage = D Bar! hahaha

2. last phone call = Shrek

3. last text message = "Halerness!!" from Mhercy

4. last song you listened to = "Rich Girl" (Gwen Stefani)

5. last time you cried = nung birhday q.

HAVE YOU EVER:

6. dated someone twice = Yes

7. been cheated on = Yes. ahaha

8. kissed someone & regretted it =No way. I don't regret things that I do.

9. lost someone special = Yes.

10. been depressed = yes..twice.

11. been drunk and threw up = Never but lately I did. Mis read label.

LIST THREE FAVORITE COLORS:

12. Black

13. Blue

14. White

LAST YEAR (2010), HAVE YOU:

15. Made a new friend = YES!!!!!

16. Fallen out of love = Yes.

17. Laughed until you cried = Yes nag pakantahin aq ng "Ikaw" mtpos aq painumin ng d bar!!haha

18. Met someone who changed you = Not yet

19. Found out who your true friends were = YES

20. Found out someone was talking about you = Yes,blooming daw aketch!

21. Kissed anyone on your FB friend's list : Yes. in FT.

GENERAL:

22. How many people on your FB friends list do you know in real life = 80%

24. Do you have any pets = none. I don't like pets. I'm allergic to hair and some smell.

25. Do you want to change your name = yes. My name has a bitter meaning.

26. What did you do for your last birthday = I bought myself a weird bangle

27. What time did you wake up today = I didn't sleep.

28. What were you doing at midnight last night = Playing Pico

29. Name something you CANNOT wait for = mag travel again.

30. Last time you saw your Mother = April 7

31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life = nothing...seryoso??

32. What are you listening to right now = utak q pa din... shall I believe or not?

33. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom?= Hu's dat??

34. What's getting on your nerves right now = nothing by now. hahaha!

35. Most visited webpage = Fb, Yahoo,Blogspot, Youtube

37. Nickname = Tisha

38. Relationship Status = In a relationship

39. Zodiac sign = Aries

40. He or She = a she... away ??

41. Elementary = Dona Ata Elementary School, Marulas, Val., MMla

42. High School = Manila Central University

43. College = Centro Escolar Univ./ Mt. Carmel College

44. Hair color = Black and Brown

45. Long or short = medium

46. Height = 5'2"

47. Do you have a crush on someone? = no.

48. What do you like about yourself? = everything

49. Piercings = yes

50. Tattoos= minsan

51. Righty or lefty= middle...lower back

FIRSTS :

52. First surgery= appendectomy

53. First piercing = My ear

54. First best friend = Trill Born, Phoenix Rein

55. First sport you joined = Taekwondo

56. First vacation = Macau

58. First pair of trainers = sketchers

RIGHT NOW:

59. Eating = yes

60. Drinking = coffee

61. I'm about to = surf the net and study trading

62. Listening to = Runaway (Bruno Marz)

63. Waiting for = my antok to set in.

YOUR FUTURE :

64. Want kids? = no more.

65. Get Married?= wish ko lng.

66. Career? = Yes na yes!

WHICH IS BETTER :

67. Lips or eyes = eyes

68. Hugs or kisses= both?

69. Shorter or taller = Taller

70. Older or Younger = Both

71. Romantic or spontaneous = Both

72. Nice stomach or nice arms = both

73. Sensitive or loud = Both

74. Hook-up or relationship = relationship

75. Trouble maker or hesitant = hesistant

HAVE YOU EVER :

76. Kissed a stranger = No

77. Drank hard liquor = Yes

78. Lost glasses/contacts = yes always

79. Sex on first date = No

80. Broke someone's heart = yeah!

81. Had your own heart broken = Lagi

82. Been arrested = nope.

83. Turned someone down = yes!

84. Cried when someone died = yes, of course!

85. Fallen for a friend = muntik na!

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

86. Yourself = Always..aq lng nmn to lagi eh.

87. Miracles = Yes

88. Love at first sight = weh!

89. Heaven = Yes

90. Santa Claus = Aq un eh!

91. Kiss on the first date = No

92. Angels = Yes

I'm not always that happy go happy gal, who's always smiling, singing, dancing and talk my way into a crowd. Am quite shy, really,.. but I loaded myself with humor...a crisp humor but not the kind everyone is thinking. In fact ,iyakin ako behind my katapangan at lakas ng loob.

I do have "trip-trip" also. Just like anybody else, it reflects who I am.

These things are superficial....material....physical. What's going on inside my head is something I admit I have learned to hide from others. I grew up solving my own problems without my parents and guardians knowing. I don't believe easily. My reservations are up to protect myself from hurt because truth is di pa ako nakaranas sumaya eversince....and I just got tired of hurting...that's why.

Others mistaken my silence for kayabangan .... my silence is a sign that I don't like what's going on, about something I have no control of. And when I see that I cannot do something to change the situation... I move away...silently.

I always like the short story of "The Prince and the Fox", where the fox said to the Prince who want to befriend the wild fox, "...you will sit down beside me and look at me silently..then I shall see you from the corners of my eyes."

I know....this is still not everything... hahaha.

There is You

2011-05-21T13:22:00.004+08:00

song: " Even if the sun refuse to shine..
Even if we live in different times.
Even if the ocean left the sea...
There would still be you and me..."

Yeah, I just didn't know how it happen-
but there was you....
and now it is you.
What magic is there
that you seem to claim all of my days?
and the spaces that surround me..
It was so abrupt but took so slow.
so slow but abruptly caught my mind.
ha! ha! ha! but it is beautiful!
So beautiful like a dream in a full moon shine!
That when you're not around,
the minutes seems so slow.
the days seem like years.
and am missing you!
What a mystery it is.
only our minds talk,
our sticks walk hand in hand,
our keyboards spell the words,
and voices fall in random with whatever time is left unsaid.
But there is You and Me.
And it's amazing and impressive,
how things work out.
I wish this is not an illusive dream.
Shall I see you?
Shall I let you hold my hands?
Shall I let your kiss on my lips?
Shall I let you dance me all night through?
Shall I spend my days with you?
Oh yes I shall let you.
So you will know,
that there's You..... and there is Me.
and there's Us
here, face to face, together... you and I.
and we're not dreaming,
and it's not virtual.
it's what we're waiting for.
and those moments would be beautiful.
And when time for me to go,
You're in my heart and never leave.
I'll take your love with me.
And my sleep would be forever dreaming of you.
Am glad you're here,
so glad no words to say-
but " I love you."
Am glad there is You..... and Me.

end song : " Even if the world will disappear
Even if the clouds will shed no tear.
Even if tonight was just a dream,
There would still be you and me." <3

activity: testing for new meds... hope this will be negative for any reactions.
3 lab tests to come.
wish my ESR level comes down.

School of Thoughts

2011-05-10T01:04:00.003+08:00

My brother said to me:

Time comes that you have to make a choice to give up something to keep yourself. Though you have a body, soul and spirit.... without your body-- you're an illegal resident here!!

A dear friend said:

God loves you more than the things you do for Him because who's gonna do those things if you're not around anymore?

But my dad said :

No one is indespensable. If you can't do it, someone will be raised up to do it on your place.

Sino ba ang may ayaw na gawin ang isang dakilang bagay para sa Dios?

Another friend said :

God doesn't need anybody to do things for Him.. He's all powerful! See His acts with the Muslims to tell them about Him...in visions! He can do things even without us.

My brother said:

It's an old school thought. We are not slaves of God.

Hehehehe!! Tama!

I said:

Ako naman ngayon. hi hi hi!

2011-04-30T07:39:00.004+08:00

Cloudy morning.

Sometimes keeping positive makes a downfall when you're "tryins" just won't work..... you can't help it but dive in.

But I resolve not to... but the more I resolve not to, the more I feel the dive.

The more I want to avoid asking.. the more deeper the dive gets.

I hope something could be done when everybody say " let's just hope for a miracle."

Butterfly Life Cycle p2...haha

2011-04-28T13:49:00.002+08:00

The previous days were very difficult for me.....( it's my almost 2 months on indefinite leave from work.) The pain goes on and off. Above all these, I avoided the following to help me get through each day....because I know and I can feel where I am heading to.

1. get sad and be depressed. Depression and constant sadness....they won't help. It will only aggravate the situation. It will also deplete the body's healing process. So from mornings on towards the night, I produce a happy atmosphere in the house and in any place I go. Music helps a lot. And I pamper myself with every thing I like to do, from taking a bath to work in the office.

Exercise became my twice activity each day... and I chose dancing to stimulate my muscles, bones and all. A once a week body massage gives not only relaxation but also a therapy to my veins.

I got a little conscious with the food I eat.

I get away from my cellphones once in a while. It's stressing to have your cp's always near. When it's near me... I tone down it's ringtone, so I won't be pressured to answer it. Let them text! hahaha

I make friends. I talk a lot. This way, you will see others' point of views and learn from them. I sometimes counsel people in distress. I can't avoid them when they get to me. They help me think positive.

I do some breathing exercises..... on showers! Wehhh.... yun ang trip ko! Bahala ka sa trip mo! The falling water from the shower to my head and back really helps in my " letting go"" exercise.... I do these two exercises daily...... it frees the mind from worries and anxieties. It can help you think clearly.

2. lethargy and idle moments.

3. listening to the worries of other people over me. It is normal that they do because they care. So I tried to know my limits and work only on the boundaries of my limitations.

Tomorrow, I 'll be in the Philippine Heart Center to see what could be done to prolong....hehehe.. of course, my life!

I'll miss facebook. nyahahaha!

" Butterfly Life Cycle"

2011-04-21T16:37:00.004+08:00

For now and the following days to come let me talk about an illness which science has paid a little attention to.... searching the MIMS Philippines and International, science only got one remedy for it once the illness strike at it's worst blow. And the remedy is not a cure but just an instrument to slow down the process going down to the pit. At the last phase, surgery seems just a relief but not even the cure of it. It's like a life cycle of a butterfly!

There is only --prevention to the disease, and prevention starts as early as a mild sore throat begins.

Yeah, this illness flowers from a simple untreated tonsillitis coupled with fever. And tonsillitis strikes all children even adults. I got that always when I was in elementary age. I remember not going to school a lot because of it. But because I grew up in a decade where tonsillitis was classified as "lagnat laki"... aspilets were enough. No doctor ever bothered to look inside my pussed throat. Until one morning, I woke up to find out I can no longer walk because of painful joints, swollen tendons, and nose bleed. Only then was I rushed to a children hospital in Manila and was diagnosed with rheumatic heart disease (RHD). I surpassed the "fever" state! Shucks! It leveled up!

Penadure, aspirin and prednisone organon became my friends! But later on, I developed an allergic reaction to the very remedy of this aw aw illness...penadure and aspirin! The doctors shifted me to erythromycin for propillaxis which upsets my stomach daily! Until I developed mitral stenosis! The end of it all!

Penadure is an injectible penicillin. And it's effectiveness on a patient is only up to early adulthood. That I am disqualified now! ahaha

I was a veggie for two months, and as expected my family prepared for my demise. An open heart surgery has a 50/50 chance because of my very weak resistance. My dad's resolve was to wait for a miracle while I decided to just let go and flow.

Miracle did came.... how did it happened? I don't know.... all I know was that it's a work of God. God heard the pleadings of my family. Water was the first thing I asked for when I woke up...and friend chicken! ahahaha

I led a normal life afterwards. Get on with life.

Rheumatic fever according to my research is an autonomic illness which means the body's defense acts against the body....that in the swelling of the tonsils. It strikes one in every 1000 kids. And propillaxis must be taken even after the healing. That I failed to do.

And now am in my 40's and I got it again. I wish like cancer, science will find a cure for this to kill the antibodies turned enemies in my bloodstream. That science will find a cure.... a real cure.

Now I am living on substitute propillaxis to prevent another mitral stenosis.....errr not prevent, but to slow down it's scarring....haizt!

Laughter is the best medicine...

Scrapbook Poems

2011-03-17T21:40:00.003+08:00

Music: Okay by Iyaz

One:

What could be more beautiful than
seeing a seed transform into a tiny plant?
...than a bud blossoms into a flower?
... than seeing you just looking at me
without a word nor a hush?

Your smiles send the blues away,
ushering the rain and the storm which I like...
... the rain and the storm remind me of you
and it saddens my heart.

Two:

I wish I could say how much
you mean to my world..
But I cannot
...because I was afraid that you
will just say "No".

Three:

The days are beautiful because you are in my world.
But no longer,
when you stepped out without a word.

Four:

Look at me! Look at me!
and not the other way!
It would be happier if our eyes will meet
and our hearts understand! Ha! ha!

Five:

I am waiting for you....
I wish you will come in summertime,
Where
all flowers bloom,
and clouds are high.
the sun stands gaily
as kites and birds fly by.

Six:

Each day is a pleasure...
to see you
just staring out there,
looking my way.

Can't we just make things happen?
Can we make it real?
Shall we cross boundaries
and meet halfway?

Seven:

When you came,
all my blues wept away,
all my fears chased away.

Oh, I can never look into your eyes,
because you will see my love,
oh, you will see
how much you mean to me.

Scrapbooking is fun... colored papers and cuts out are not the only ones you can use to make your scrapbooks alive, but also with what from your heart and mind...

end music: clumsy by fergie

Loving You

2010-11-25T22:54:00.002+08:00

Loving You,

.......is like looking at the horizons,
where the sun rises
and the sun sets..
where thunderstorms and cyclones spring.

Loving You,

........is like looking at the mirror,
where images bounce back..
and all I see is ....me.

Loving You,

..........is like looking at the stars..
so far...so bright
maybe a dream, but it's not!

Loving You,

.......is like looking at the rain cloud..
your presence seem like rain,
you can't touch but you can feel.

I wish loving You,
......is like looking at a flower,
visible to the eyes..
feeling the texture, and oh..the scent!
Then it's truly real.
not a dream.
not and image.
not just a feeling,
but truly here.

Loving Christ,
....is all but real!
you can see.
you can hear.
you can feel.

Why

2010-11-18T11:15:00.003+08:00

It's already noon and still I'm sitting here..I have work to attend to but I simply don't want to go to work. It's one of those days again.... I want to hit the road, go North and enjoy the fresh breeze of the northern counties. All I want to do is go places. I am not depressed...am simply is tired...my mind is already tired thinking of things.... a lot of things.

If I will be given another life to live after these...then I have nothing more to wish to do but enjoy the chance of happiness the Lord designed for me. I'd like to see it and feel it and stay with it till the last minute of my time life...the chance to be with someone a much longer time. A someone whom I can call mine.

Is it bad? Is it offending? Nope. I'm so sure it's not. God knows it and He feels the same way we do and He knows what's lacking. Today, am enjoying the gift of freedom. Doing things for my family and other people I do not know. Staking my life for them, forgetting myself. Yes, I have nothing for myself.. I know it! My friends said, set aside for myself...money I guess it must be. But, all I know one day, He will set aside something for me...only for me.

So much for it...it's the wish of all single women in the world...and it's not an ugly wish!

What can I be afraid of? Fear has numb my soul since then..
Why should I be afraid of death? I have died already a lot of times.
Why should I be afraid of being alone? I've been alone since the beginning.
What am I to lose? I have lost everything already.
Why should I hope for more? Because there's more things up there for me.

Love your life..it's a precious gift from God until you know it.

Missy

2010-10-18T21:30:00.003+08:00

Tracy's blue-eyed deaf kitten slipped out of our door unnoticed by everyone. Her absence was only noticed when the time for her med came. It's signal number 1, very windy, dark and raining--we all went outside the house to the street to look for Missy.

After 3 hours of looking around the neighborhood, we gave up. While eating our dinner at 9:30pm, Tracy started crying. What can a mom do but to console her child. We all hoped that Missy will come back tomorrow morning. Oh, we all decided to resume our search tomorrow morning. I have an appointment at 9am tomorrow but I decided to cancel it to join my daughters' search for our Missy.

As I watch my daughters who are quietly sitting in-front of our television....I know they are thinking about our kitten...it's raining outside and Missy's undergoing treatment for her deafness, abnormal tear gland and colds....I can feel what's in their minds.

I wanted to join with them but I kept my composure. Instead I spent my time in Farmville. But my mind is wandering.....where is Missy?

As I stand by the door looking at the road which Missy might have taken, I can't help but remember that way back then someone left without any reason and never came back....

The loss brought so much pain and tears.

Missy brought back the memory.

I didn't cry. I just remembered..I don't remember the pain anymore but I can't forget the face.Now that person is coming back after much realization but I already closed the door behind. I decided not to look back again.

That's why I like it this way. I'm tired of goodbyes. I'm tired of losing. I'm tired of moving on again and again. Simply...I'm tired.

Next time?

Next time.....

Thankful

2010-09-20T23:36:00.003+08:00

It was a night where my curiosity stroke every corner of my life.
I went here, to and fro.
I browsed every picture, every item, everything,
My head spin when I came across one place,
as if my world blackened, I have no words to say..

but

Am so thankful you came again
and found a reason to stay.
Am so glad you are here
found me again.

The black cloud rolled away
and my head stopped spinning.

and I realized
I've come too far to look back!

My Pain

2010-08-18T01:40:00.003+08:00

i can feel pain...

but there is no tears....

i wanted to cry but tears can't make it out of my eyes.

but the pain numbs my soul...

i don't know where i will go

so the pain will go away.

i don't know what to do

to ease what i feel.

you were just a dream that i once knew.

My Calling- My Vow

2010-07-07T00:04:00.002+08:00

I know it's quite difficult to understand.
This is how it goes-

Before I accepted Christ into my life, I was the loneliest person on earth. Though I have everything financially, there is nothing in my life that could make me smile. Yes, a smile on my face had a price! I was dying then, deprived of my youth, my family on the rocks, me & my brothers grew up separately from each other. I grew up apart from my parents & my brothers. I didn't know what a family looks & feel. I had no reason to smile nor live.

I was given till 21 to heal or else die. It didn't matter to me. As the disease progress in my body, the more I didn't care...I just flowed. I sought no healing. Let the morning come that I will not wake up anymore. Let the road engulf me..I didn't care where I might succumbed to its attack.

Then my mom knew Jesus Christ and believed Him, followed Him. And she patiently shared the gospel to my wayward father who was then with another woman. Her prayers, she said was day & night for my dad and us.

Her prayers were answered by God. My dad accepted Jesus in his heart. He changed & returned to my mom.

A friend of mine shared to me the gospel and afterwards I received Jesus in my heart. The cloud of loneliness left me and I smiled for the first time. I felt peace in spite of the sickness. But this time, the disease progressed so badly inside my body. Yet I received no healing from God. Until one day, it attacked in a place where it's not supposed to attack-- while am in a bus way home.
I made it in the door of our house and .... i had no more idea what has happened afterwards! All there was, was pain. pain. pain. I was bedridden for 2 months & hope was very bleak! My family had my grave prepared. But my father didn't give up praying for me.

But I have peace then.. a deep peace inside. Though I can no longer talk, my mind speaks. I remember I prayed to God, " Lord, Thy will be done in my life. I am ready to die, yet if You will give me a chance to live, I will serve You."

The Lord healed me in a miraculous way, in the Heart Center, too dramatic to recall. I underwent a series of testing to really be sure that I was healed.
I was healed! Indeed! And this means, I will serve Him and He wants it!

Years passed by but the prayer that I uttered in my mind to God remained alive inside me. Deep inside I know that one day I will return to God to serve Him. I know deep inside that I will serve Him in places I do not know. I know deep inside, He wants me to be a missionary of His Word. When & how, I did not know.

Years more passed by, unforgettable painful years passed by. So painful there are times I felt like giving up. But no! I remained firm & strong and I know God was aiding me along. I learned so much about a lot of things in life during those crucial & very painful years. The learnings I did not know for what they could be.

Then the time came that God called me to serve Him. And I said, "yes" to Him. He brought me to the tribe. Then it was clear that I will serve God among the tribes, the Muslim tribes. God so loved them that they have to know that it is Yahweh who is God and not Allah. And it is Jesus Christ who is the Saviour, not Mohammed. That the tribes' ancestral spirits are not God. And these people need to know that God loves them the way He loves me.

And I took a vow to serve Christ and His cause to the tribes. And so I am doing it up to now. And my life is not enough for what He has done for me.

I found out that callings from God are either inherited or bestowed upon to a person. In our family- it is both. I learned in our family tree that my great grand parents are missionaries. They founded the United Evangelical Church in our country.

In every generational line of every family in our family tree, there rise servants of God. They are either pastors, deacons & bible teachers and in our line falls the missionary call. My parents are missionaries to the tribes. My brothers are pastors. My daughters and my nephews & nieces are musicians & singers. And I, the only missionary in the family after my parents.

It is in this call that my smile never ends. My happiness is in doing it. And it's rewards are in heaven. It is a simple yet purposeful life. A rewarding life with the poor. It is living among them for them to know the Saviour, so they will go to heaven when they die, like me and you.

It is my prayer that God would grant me a husband who will accept my call for I cannot give up God and His service for the sake of love. A man who will love me for who and what I am in the Lord. For it is my vow.

There is nothing more so great than to serve God and spread the cause of Christ.

I am an MK and am proud of it!

agatha

2010-06-29T08:02:00.002+08:00

this day i don't know what to think anymore.
i have done the best i could to agatha..
my pure intentions were not rewarded,
for 2 years i considered myself a failure.
and now i am faced to its one of the many challenges.
among its challenges, this one is something too difficult for me to handle.
my name is at stake.
agatha is at stake.
most of its challenges i have handled and settled...this one remain untouched.
and in this one, i have already exhausted all my fuel and energy.
i got tired..so tired.
for i have exhausted already what i know.
and or this one i prayed:

my Lord God I commenced in Your hands Agatha
i have nothing more to do.
i failed.
Your greatest will be done.
this time Lord, do things for me.
and i will accept your will.

: (

You Are the One

2010-06-20T20:45:00.002+08:00

It*s been two days....
I have received a note that touched the shield I have put around my heart so that no one can pass through to its chambers.

Yes, I admit. I have voluntarily afflicted myself with a two- year dose of " I, me and myself" shots to give time for my mind to heal of all the pain of my previous relationship, because I have grown numb to the word, "love".... I forgot the feelings. I forgot how to.

A gal friend of mine asked me, "how to know if you are in-love?" coz she, too, have forgotten how. I felt myself just staring at her and sling back the question to, followed with a loud laugh!

Intense and prolong pain makes you numb and insensitive. This happens to people who have lost their loved ones, or have failed relationships whose endings are worst.

The shield I placed was high and thick and yet here is one of the poems sent to me that cracked the shield I put around my heart, until shattering the shield into pieces.

Poems do not usually touch me. But this one was delivered unusually. The person took a stake at time just to find me and tell me how important I am in his life:

YOU ARE THE ONE

you*re the one i*ll always love,
who makes my life so colorful and bright.
you*re the one who touches my heart,
and fill my world with lots of love.

you*re the one i need so much,
who has a special way of turning my thoughts to romance.
you*re the one i keep dreaming about,
the one who inspires me so much.

a love so true i found in you.
i wonder what i*d do without you.
i hope no matter what
you will always be there for me.

you are the one...my life, my soul,
my everything,
only for you!

I don*t know what to say....

Nothing More Beautiful

2010-06-16T20:47:00.003+08:00

there is nothing more beautiful
than you being here
in my world.

what is my world that
you should visit?
yet, you did!
and i am so thankful!

what could be more beautiful
than knowing
You are there.
watching, staying, staring,
can*t be seen,
can*t be touched.
but can be felt.

you
are like a soft wind from the west,
gently caressing the leaves of time,
of the unknown.

what could be more beautiful
than knowing
you love me?
yes, loving me
by someone as high as the heaven as you!
someone as complicated as the time.
someone as deep as the waters in the river
i always pass by...
i am amazed..
mesmerized...
appalled by this love.
but i know
i cannot reach you..
cannot touch you..
cannot know you..
i want to cross the bridge but
i don*t know how.
i want to touch the sky
but i don*t know how.

and i walk along this highway of life.
wondering... wondering...wandering.
my fear engulf me like a mist.
i cried.
and the rain fell upon my world,

and i remember: nothing can be more beautiful than knowing
it is you
and it is me.

and i walked away...

If I am An Angel...If I am a Genie...

2010-06-08T00:03:00.002+08:00

if i am a genie,
i would grant you your three wishes.
i would cast a spell
that would change your pain into joy.
that would change your past,
and undo your mistakes.

if i am an angel.
i would fly into God*s chamber
and utter your name there that He would answer
all your prayers, and all your questions.

if i am a genie,
i will bring you inside my bottle
so you can rest and find solace.
then i will let you out again
with new strenght within.

but if i am an angel,
i will go into God*s presence
and surrender my wings
so
i
could be with
you

forever.

Ours Is Like A Fantaserye

2010-06-02T19:00:00.004+08:00

Domeng....

Met him in a time nobody would ever think will come.
In a time where my world was preoccupied with the tribe, my career and....my career. ahuh!
That was May 14,2006.
Can still remember ei.

The following days were filled with talks about his life, my life (although I maintained one card under the table), his world...he let me saw his world, his world. And my world?...Ahh, I have no idea if he wanted to see mine. I was afraid to ask.

But the days were filled with talks on the texts... he didn*t want me to hear his voice...pangit daw! Well, I didn*t care. But he did care.

..of exchanges of gifts... we use couriers.
... of listening and understanding.
... helping one another.
But he never saw my face.
I never saw his face.
in person.
only in pictures.

There are times I have the doubt if he is the real Dominic?
But there are also times I shoved those doubts away. I don*t care.
Whether he*s real or not.
Because I saw the person inside the childish covers he had.
The person anyone would gonna like and love.
And I love it.

I read and feel the heartbeat he had,
but I chose not to take it seriously...I was afraid.
I can*t ask, because I might be wrong..
And I am afraid.

Then one day he was gone!
I don*t know why.
He was gone... and it made me think a lot of questions without answers.
Is it the hershey*s fault? Is it my fault?
But his leaving hurt me.
Why am I hurting? Don*t know...
But who cares? He wouldn*t know anyway.
He*s gone.

Years passed by...Eerr, two years passed by.
It*s May again...
When my world is preoccupied with work and wonderings...

I hate the times of my sudden sadness.
These times I hate the rain, I like the dimness of each night, the noise and the roads.

Then suddenly, he came back from nowhere....
And I in the place of no return.

It is May again... and it was May 21, 2010.

His return I never expected. I thought he was gone forever!
His return made me cry!
Si Domeng lang ang nakapagpaiyak sa akin,
sa gitna ng supermarket...

I cried... I don*t know why.
Siguro kasi bati na kami.
Nahh..... ganun lang?
I don*t know, still, why.
why I cried.

And I have known the reason why he left. And I was surprised! So surprised that I exclaimed, "Why didn*t you tell me?"

Because I was waiting to hear that but he didn*t tell.

Days are filled with talks in texts, and calls now! Oh yeah, I can now hear his voice and his laughs!
And a lot more beautiful things!
Beautiful things!
Beautiful things!

Ha ha ha ha ha!

And he*s a different person now! More beautiful than the one I*ve known before.
And I like the changes.
But still, we see only each other in ... pictures!

He is like a future in a glimpse.
You can talk to but you can*t touch.
Near but so far. A world apart.
Heaven and earth.
A dream.
A fantasy.... nope, a fantaserye!
Because we*re making a story.

But he said it*s not a dream, and not a fantasy...

You are Cinderella and I am Prince Charming! ha ha ha

So it is.

One Minute

2010-05-07T18:21:00.003+08:00

This I see:

No matter how fast, advance and complicated our lives may be... time will always come by that we will need to go back to the basics. To the foundations of the pillars we have set in our lives, to the simple s.o.p. of how things are in our lives.

For 21 years, I have lived an almost "dream-like" life, with nothing to ask for more. The next 10 years became the reverse of it. I woke up one morning asking what am I doing here? When I tried to fix things up, the next 10 years became the most complicated and hardest of the years that passed by... in trying to make things better, I took the one minute chances every day, going back to basic....

One minute of each time walking under the rain....praying.

One minute of each moment walking by the shore.... energizing my spirit to remain positive,
to keep my eyes on my goal.

One minute of every hour walking in the streets... thinking how things will going to be
excellent.

One minute of every time spent happily with the people around... crying to keep depression
away.

One minute of every 4 hours sleeping.... awake, understanding the blue print of my life, our
lives designed by GOd Almighty, so I will not complain and ask "why?".

One minute of every opportunity with ordinary, not-so-ordinary people and the somebodies...
observing their walks in life.... so I'll have inspirations and pattern in planning for the hows
in my life.

And the rest of the remaining minutes...... : )

And the 3 years after, were times of changes.

Guys’ Rules Made Easy

2010-04-06T18:02:00.000+08:00

Guys’ Rules Made Easy

Nothing More Beautiful

2010-01-31T23:18:00.003+08:00

There is nothing more beautiful than
a flower blooming,
a sunrise,
and
a sunset.

A bird flying in the horizon,
a rainbow,
and you..

looking at me,

just looking at me.

There is nothing sadder
than a death
of a loved one,

and you,
walking away
from me.

But there is nothing more
rewarding
than an effort compensated,

and me...
overcoming your memories.

There is nothing more refreshing
than a cold drink after a hot weather,
and thinking
of our past,
how it made me
change,
and grow into
a person
more
beautiful
than
there
was
you.

and I am glad!

My Love Is Like The Rain

2009-12-09T18:47:00.002+08:00

It's been two months, away from this blog. Because there are no words to describe what's in my mind, I chose to be silent about what I see, feel and find. I hope the words that I coined here fit...

I wish I could forget and live again,

but no.
It's still here.

here though I'm walking forward without looking back.

here despite the discouragements
and insults.

here seeing no wrong doings
but good things.

needing no explanations nor reasons.

yes, it's still here.

but between us is a river
whose bridge no one dares to cross
to reach the other.

because of fear.

and us became like mist over the waters,
waiting for the sun's heat to rise,
and we will disappear.

but mists we are,
vapors we will become, in the sky
we will be RAIN
that will water the earth beneath.

and my love is like the rain.

Climbing Mt. Moriah the 2nd Time

2009-09-29T19:02:00.002+08:00

Mt. Moriah was the mountain where Abraham offered Isaac to God, as requested by God to test Abraham. The offering of Isaac did not materialized because God sent a ram in place of Isaac.

Bible teachers use this story to tell about letting go of things when the Lord request it to for reasons we sometimes do not know. Only He knows.

I moved to that "mountain" when I went to China. As the Lord commanded me to. My letting go of the school, and the people who made my life sad, my fears, my pains, and sadness, took place when the airplane took off the ground! There was an amazing peace within! And the Almighty went ahead of me to China!

I was ready then to change my career, my financial and my social status. I took the "silent mode" that made a lot of friends wondered! That silent mode is still on today.

I didn't regret my decision, though a tough one. I can't explain the serenity inside.

When I returned to the Philippines this month, after 2 weeks of going back and forth to the tribe, the heavens shocked me with surprises!

Those that I lost was restored to me by the Lord!

And I can feel that many more will come where I will say to God " Indeed, it is well with my soul!"

There was no substitute offering in Moriah. Only a simple trust and letting go.

"It is well with my soul."

Silence Overtook Me

2009-09-18T16:34:00.002+08:00

A lot of books offers advises on lots of life's issues. Many coaching groups give mindsetting truths to many business and life matters. None of them will say that meeting and succeeding on your issues are easy. All of them will say that..."it all depends on you!"

Yes, a lot of people that surrounds you seem like experts on a lot of issues and things and you get confused!

Above all things, above all words and advises.. the truth that matters is you!

And the truth that matters now is me!

Me, because I chose to listen to only One- the One who designed my life.
Me, because I chose to take a break and breath for a while.
Me, because I decide to love myself again.

I have worked hard for many, many years without a vacation. I have given my time, energy and everything to my family and other people. I have gone tired and lost what's inside... so I took the time out to be silent for a long time.

Silence doesn't always mean anger and sadness.

This time, silence means growth and change.

Free!

2009-09-14T20:26:00.002+08:00

I took control. I let go of Agatha. When I went back to Manila, offers came to get Agatha and I chose the right person to take it. So I let go of Agatha, and we are now in the process of turning it over. A friend of mine got it.

I took control, pursuing my calling.

I took control, in holding what the Lord promised me...and I have peace now.

I feel free.

It's just a matter of decision to control myself from taking the other way, from being tempted to other offers which I will be the one in control again of Agatha. To control myself from taking over again.

I decided to enjoy my life with what little I have and what calling I have, setting aside the people and things that will lead me away from this. I hold on to the more beautiful things that will come one day, the bigger picture, the better happiness! And i found that "life is much beautiful now than before!".

" and i stand here before You
in wide open wonder
amazed at the glory of You.
the power of heaven,
revealing Your purpose in me,
as i'm reaching for You!"

and I look back along EDSA, and smell the familiar scent again that lingered once in my mind.. there is no tears anymore.

"Lord everyday i need You more,
on wings of heaven I will soar with You..."

Control

2009-08-29T03:00:00.003+08:00

I want to be in control.

Reading through the blog posts in Create Abundance 2020.net, I discovered that I share the same outlook as the other leaders there.

"You cannot let other people, circumstances, finances, environment, etc to control you if you want to succeed. You should be in control."

That's where our brain is for.

"Fear of becoming who we are hinders us from being in control."

That's true! and... fear of risking to fail!

My business has no money as capital, yet it's running. I need capital but none among those I asked to invest, or buy wants to take the risk... because of the recession!
So what must I do now?
I took control of its finances. But honestly, I need to be more financially educated. So I made and entree' to CA2020.
Does my being in control contradict my faith? I don't think so. For God has given us human brains to think and use the thoughts we formulated in our brains. Still God will be glorified!
Nobody wants my school-- I will run it again!

I don't need to enter the rat race to fill up the need. I will kill myself. I need to look at my asset, or find another asset who will fill up the school's needs until the school can run by itself though its own money. So I need to go home earlier than September 26.

Then I need to sit down. Ask some coaching. Make a plan. Execute the plan.

I have to retire by 46 and spend some of my fruitful time traveling.

My farm in Facebook gave me a lesson also. I started farming without coins and farm money. I over cultivated my soil. But I have 2 plots of grown strawberries ready for harvest. That 2 plots gave me my initial money! Eventually I ended up cutting up my plowed land to reduce my expenses and allow the remaining land to grow plants.. then after marketting my harvest, am now ready to expand again!

My night this night is not wasted! So I will buy my plane ticket back to Manila tomorrow!!

Yahooo!

Why?

2009-08-27T03:34:00.002+08:00

why i can't seem to forget?

maybe because i have loved so dearly, truly and purely...

Great Things Here

2009-08-21T17:49:00.003+08:00

It's my 3rd day without work. And it's my 3rd day on job hunting in this unfamiliar place of Macau.
Many wondered why I rather give up my school and seek a job in this far place. Why not in the Philippines? Why abroad?
My family also wondered why I chose to take lesser jobs than my position in the Philippines.
Was it because of money?
Or was it because of something else?

Both.

I want to heal myself.
I want to do what I want to do.
I want to be who I must be.
I don't want to think anymore.
I wanted change!
Because I'm already tired!

I know I will come back again to the Philippines but it must be a new me.
And I know now why am resting till the 3rd day:
To realize a lot more deeper things in life.
And am willing to take the risk just to get the new me and my new horizon.

I know for some people my decision hurt. But it'll be for a while. Soon they will understand.

My acknowledgement to the following:

1. God for the 3rd day rest.
2. My friends and family in the Philippines for not texting me.
I had plenty of time to think, re-think and be alone with myself.
3. My brother for the milk tea, refreshing my "diwa" after the long process of realization.
4. Bea Alonzo and Sam Milby for the movie " And I Love You So"
5. Bea Alonzo and John Lloyd for their movie " One More Chance"

My few accomplishments in Macau:

1. Eat longanisa and drink ice tea. (Wala akong magawa, kailangan eh!)
2. Sleep without blanket. ( it's so hot in here! Grabe!)
3. Sleep with just one pillow. (Matipid and brother ko, ayaw bumili ng maraming pillows.)
4. Be in an airconditioned house the whole day! ( beating my allergies away!)
5. Learn computer operations beyond what I already know. (or else, wala akong makakausap at
di makakapag work.).
6. Magtipid

Life is boring when you do not want to extend yourself to your environment. When you want to keep what you know is right but is not right for the moment.

This Sleepless Night

2009-08-18T04:03:00.002+08:00

Life is still beautiful in spite of so many negative things around. I am a survivor and will remain a survivor while am alive... and still life for me is beautiful!

I'm sleepless tonight. I'm thinking again.

1. I'm selling my school. I want to pursue my calling.
2. I want to be rich.
3. When will the one for me will come?

That's what in my mind.

I have learned that destiny is a choice and you can control your life, and choose where to go. I have chosen where I want to go and what to do. But many things want me back to my comfort zone. Something "Who moved my Cheese?" said is normal. I don't want there anymore! There is excitement in finding new cheeses!

Walking along the lighted and beautiful streets of Macau in City of Dreams, Venetian and the City itself, I can't help concluding that man's mind seem limitless in materializing whatever is in his imagination. So I said to myself, that I can materialize whatever is in my dreams. I need to make a bridge between my dream and reality, even though I am alone in doing it. Who cares?

Meeting Carol amazed me. She's a teacher in China and only 25 years old, and single. She's done it and I said, I'm not truly alone. There are a lot of people out there like me, and we are many! And the feelings and questions I have are not peculiar- they're real and everyone else's feeling it!
And I began to love myself more and my daughters.

I learned to be braver and stronger... in Macau!

This is just a vacation. How much more if I will stay here longer?

I dream of visiting Israel. I want to go to Jerusalem and see the Wailing Wall in the Western Gate. Why? I want to say my prayers there. The Lord will hear it like a thunder! It's the Wailing Wall, haler!

Days From Now: After the Changes

2009-08-03T20:09:00.003+08:00

I am only counting days before I leave for another country. That's how far changes brought into my life nowadays. I can't believe this happen in just less than a month. Am excited to find new horizon and new peace of mind. Though I'll gonna leave so many things behind, am full of faith that bigger things will come my way.

2009-07-03T14:11:00.003+08:00

I prayed for changes to happen in my life... but I didn't know that a drastic change will instantly take place in my life in just one night without any known reason at all and reason that I know. I lost the person I value most. My enrollment target didn't make it. So I declared losses this year. Another blow is here again in my family... all results hanging on air.

I needed a change... but not like this.

The sudden change took me in a whirlpool of pain. It's hard to get back on tract again. But my survival instinct is alive- I will survive!

I will because there is a much bigger picture than this someday which I still don't realize now in my mind. But there will be.

Am wearing this mysterious engagement ring again which was found in our room, whose ring size fits only mine. It symbolizes a new morning for me and new doors to get through.

Now am flying again, still in pain but flying. And doors are really opening up. The people and situation who hurt me paved the way for a brand new morning. I thank the Lord because He loves me and is good to me.

Let us see who's gonna laugh at the finish line! Ha ha ha ha!

In Pursuit of Change

2009-05-11T18:11:00.002+08:00

I want changes in my life.
I dream of new and big things in my life
because I want to do big things also.
Not just for the people I love,
But also for the people I don't know personally,
And for myself.

I burned my ship to pursue changes,
So I will not look back and doubt,
And fear.
I said, " I will do the best I can, and will not set sail home
Until my mission was accomplished."
But sunsets and weddings, paddling on quiet waters of the bay,
Are like whispers, prompting me,
To build the ship that I have burned behind.

But no.
God has made ways for moving on.
Words of His were spoken, alive and well in my spirit.
There is no room for ashes.
There is no room for whispers.

Bigger things come to those who knows how to open the gates of heaven.
To those who knows what dead to self means.
To the courageous and persistent.
To the dreamer and the doer.
To those who wants to pursue changes.

"For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are My ways higher than your ways,
and My thoughts than your thoughts.

For as the rain cometh down, and the snow from heaven,
and returneth not hither, but watereth the earth,
and make it bring forth and bud,
that it may give seed to the sower, and bread to the eater:

So shall My word be that goeth forth out of My mouth:
it shall not return unto Me void,
but it shall accomplish that which I please,
and it shall prosper in the thing
whereto I sent it."

Isaiah 55:9-11

Cassava anyone?

2009-04-23T12:18:00.002+08:00

Sitting by the charcoal stove of a tribe woman while she's cooking some food, one idle, starry night, other tribe's women came along and talked almost endlessly about the many recipes one can make out of cassava, their "basic food".

They said, it's better grated and the juice squeezed out to prevent poisoning, then add the spices you want. I've tasted their food and it's good. You can cook it like a hotcake, minus the egg, and taste like an ordinary hotcake. They call it apam. Make it bigger, they use it as wedding cakes, mixed with oil and sugar, and decorated with little flags. They call it panyam. The tastiest is daral, cooked as thin as the lumpia wrapper, with grated fresh coconut and sugar as fillings, wrapped like the ordinary lumpia. The sindol is cooked like a stew, mixed with brown mongo seeds- the best in zamboanga! they said. My mother mixes grated kinchay, ginisa mix, onion and pepper dash with it, form it into balls and deep fry them. My collegues even cook these balls ala mechado or menudo. They're great! Heavy to the stomach!

Maybe this food makes these people stronger than us. They're carbo-loaded!

It's my habit to watch the late program of 700 club in channel 11 every night of my stay in my house. That was a week ago. Coming from my work from the tribe, one of my eye twitched. Maybe a reaction to the extreme heat or maybe my moisturizer. It was disturbing!

That night in that program, Ms. Coney got a word of knowledge while praying, about someone who is watching with a twitching eye which God was healing. I was amazed and immediately thank God for the healing. The next morning, I found out that my eye was healed! Oh great! I can't believe that I will recieve such an attention from the Lord and I am so happy!

Staying in the Vineyard

2009-04-08T12:20:00.002+08:00

The long months away from here were very busy months, juggling from Batangas to Manila and forth. The odds increased when I was demanded a 150 out-of-school children to teach through our BLP Program (Basic Literacy Program) under the ALS of DepEd Batangas. And mind you, it's all for nothing!

Friends say, " What do you get from it?" I said "Nothing". "So why stay?". they asked. All of my friends now are engaged in business if not in their own professions.

I was only 18 when I discovered that I will be a Vineyard worker. When I got my degree in college and have my own business, when this call materialized. That's why I retained the non-stock,non-profit nature of my business. I also found out that my ancestors were Vineyard workers, and it's running down up to the present generations of our clan. Most of my cousins and my own family are all Vineyard workers. My parents said that it's a very noble thing to work in the Vineyard. My brother, who is a AVP in JP Morgan, is a Vineyard worker, so as my other brothers!

The Vineyard is the richest and largest company in the world. No retirement. The tenure is secured. No one gets hungry. No losses, just dividends to earn. And if you have a business, connecting your business to it means profit! The qualification needed to be employed may be a bit difficult, but it's worth it! It's system and principles may be different from the common but they're easy to follow and apply.

But most of all, you get to meet it's Owner 24 hrs a day. Everytime you need Him, He's there. So problems are that hard to solve. And He also stays even if you don't ask Him to be around.

Why I stay?

Because it's an honor to serve Isa Al-masih (Christ the Messiah)!

What I Did Last December

2009-01-15T17:25:00.002+08:00

I made it through the 2008! I can say, that year was a rather difficult one for me. But I got plenty of blessings to from the Almighty, and am so thankful about them. I am also thankful about friends who got so positive insights towards things, who reminded me about turbulence and opulence, of changes and finding new "cheese", and of "burning" the past in order to get to the future.

I got my best Christmas and New Year. There was no lucrative food around. Noche Buena came in with coffee and brownies, and New Year with macaroni salad, kapeng barako and loud shouts and noises, the 12th midnight chasing children in the neighborhood with our "torotots", and ending the new year with a series of movies in HBO till 4am. I've never felt so free and so happy, feeling so light and things so easy! Up to now I still have it.Was it because the difficult situations of 2008 was solved?No, they're still here! What happened? Because a great change took place inside me, inside my mind. I began to sleep well, eat plenty, smile and bloom a lot and looked at things differently than before. And I found out that when you smile, the whole world smiles at you, is true.

What I did?
1. Love myself. I gave myself a vacation.
2. Travel.
3. Enjoy being with my family and tribe
4. Re- frame my mind.
5. Read Stainless Longaniza by Bob Ong, Who Moved My Cheese by Dr. Spencer Johnson, Your Best Life Now by Ptr. Austin, the Bible and my journal.
6. Play the brain twister

When you smile, the whole world smiles at you!

At the Parade

2008-11-14T12:04:00.003+08:00

It's a very long walk joining the Gregorio Del Pilar Baile La Calle
It's sad we were not allowed our students to participate in the street dancing ( which we usually do every year, even bringing home an award to make the school
proud).

It's amazing nobody in my staff got aching feet.

I took some pictures which can be seen in our school's friendster account. The Baile La Calle is the most enjoyable and awaited event in our town because of the informality and the challenge to dance in the street bringing out the creativity in every participant.

In my years of teaching Makabayan, I admired this hero Gregorio Del Pilar because of his loyalty to his profession. This hero who became the shield of Emilio Aguinaldo, the hero I do not like because of his envious ambition that caused the death of Andres (Andres Bonifacio) and Goyo (Gregorio del Pilar). And I appreciate our town for recognizing Goyo as hero of the present youth and have this annual Baile La Calle in his name.

I happened to see some of my coleagues in this parade. All have different reasons for joining in.
1. get a tan
2. get exercise to slim down.
3. it's a higher up order.
4. to enjoy.
5. to dance
6. to promote & advertise
7. no reason at all.

PS:
Crayon Sinchan, please post your number & name here. Want to know u.

Doors

2008-11-10T17:44:00.003+08:00

The doors that I thought are open are not yet open after all. They're still images. Images of doors.

Shall I open them? Or do I need to beg God to open them for me? Or shall I wait, do nothing, just allowing the time to ripen and open those doors for me?

Those are the questions hanging in my mind.

Doors are opportunities. Doors are chances to a lot of new horizons.

Sometimes, I can't help ask my Creator but later on say sorry for asking questions.
But I can't help it. It's tough nowadays.

I rode the bus and the jeepney "unendlessly" today. Met a friend and then ride again.
I can't help thinking, what must I do?
What scares me?
To make a mistake.
It's but a normal thing to commit a mistake.
A failure might lead to success.
What really scares me?
What shakes my knees?
Because I will do them alone.
Take the chance. Maybe it will work.
No fallback?
It's a whirlwind!

An invitation came: Free bus ride from Manila to Cagayan! What a nice invitation for someone who's not yet done thinking.

2008-11-03T18:43:00.002+08:00

I just came back from the South. The rain and the traffic was so heavy on the way here. I was surprised by ...bills!

But am at peace. As usual, I did my ways to make ends meet... to keep us going.

I found:

1. my old friends. they're still my friends!
2. new friends
3. new opportunities
4. open heaven for me

" Those who look up in the sky, day dream. But those who look inside, grow!"
- Carl Jung

The Lord Counts Our Hair

2008-09-26T14:56:00.002+08:00

I was searching the net for the Pagasa website because I want to tract down typhoon Ofel's movement.. Eicher's in Tuegegarao City for a job call and will go down to Baguio City all that this weekend. Ofel's heading northwest of the country and I need to inform Eicher about it so he could timed his job and hurried back home to Manila, avoiding the storm. Then, I remembered to open my e-mail, a newsletter from the 700Club Asia came and I read this article-devotion about our hair. I was touched by the story and the verse there seemed to talk to me, "God counts the number of our hair so you don't need to be afraid." I looked at the reference in the Bible indicated there and I found it. It says:

" Are not five sparrows sold for two farthlings, and not one of them was forgotten by God. But even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not therefore: you are of more value than many sparrows." Luke 12:6-7

I am sporting a very short hair for 12 years now. When I get here in the tribe, my short hair became offensive, all females should have long hair here. So there are times back then that I needed to wear a veil when teaching the people. Only after I explained why I sport a short hair, did they understood. Now I could go around without a veil.

I did this sporting on purpose. It is both a mourning and a prayer. I told myself that I will make it grow again when God answers my prayer. It's like a fast. In the Old Testament (Bible), a woman who lost her husband cuts her hair short and grew her fingernails long as a sign of mourning. When her mourning is over, she will grow her hair again and cut short her fingernails.

In our time, we grow or cut our hair and fingernails for fashion.

God counts my hair, I wonder when will it be that when God counts my hair again, He'll find it long and many? I am waiting in great expectation and excited about it.

I hope the typhoon Ofel will not take a landfall. My countrymen have enough destruction already, brought by the previous typhoons. Sometimes, too much unbearable calamities make the hearts
faint.

May God stop the birth of typhoons this October to December, a rain to cool the heating earth is enough.

Tams and Joy

2008-09-15T13:43:00.003+08:00

Unlike the other married couples in our Badjao community, Tams and Joy's love story is different. The two got married out of passionate love for one another contrary to the Badjao culture of marriage.

In our tribe, if a man wants to get marry, which is usually begins at the age of 13. He will go around the community, or go to other Badjao communities in Luzon and Mindanao to look for a girl he wants to marry. It is not out of love but out of want, mixed with the interest in the status of the girl and her family. If he finds a girl he wants, he will then, with his family elders, post a dowry dictated by the girl's family. If the girl refuses to accept the dowry of the man, she will be "legally liable" to the community and the man's family that she has to pay a certain amount as moral damages penalty for refusing the man. Most of the girls really has no choice but to accept and marry any man who would post a dowry in the liking of their families.

And I saw how these loveless marriages work in the community. They often give me headache . Annulment of marriage costs only P2,000 depending on the business sense of the tribal leader.The jewelries and monetary dowry will be divided. The children are automatically awarded to the father.

But Tams and Joy are different. Their families do not approved of one another because Tams is poor. He was a sea diver. Joy comes from the Abdullah clan, well to do. But the two eloped so they won't be separated. And in their culture, if a woman is seen with a man, she is already perceived as " not virgin anymore." So the families got no choice but to wed the two regardless of the dowry.

Theirs is the only marriage that didn't cause me headache. They are harmonious. Though very poor, I don't hear or see them arguing about jewelries, food and money which most couples do after a long week of selling pearls by the men. They speak sensibly about life and their faith in God. Their children are quiet and well behaved. I see how Tams rear his 2 boys to serve God in their early years, teaching them to recite memory verses from the Bible and how to worship Isa Almasih. Tams is one of my student in our training class. He is grade zero, as he calls himself. He never attended school in our community because he needs to sell pearls everyday because of poverty, yet he strove hard all by himself to read and write... and he does now! His diligence to study the Word of God, attend my training class and read and write, he is now one of my finest speaker in class. And his wife Joy is a very good song leader.

Looking at Tams and Joy during our Sunday Worship Service, I can't help but smile and utter a wishful prayer to have a family like this. The smile continue a smile.

Cruising along Manila on Eicher's "mercedez benz" ha ha ha! The rain suddenly poured.
O my gosh! It's raining! And Eicher started calling out my name telling me it's raining and as if I could do something to stop the rain from falling.

I started to pray and look at the sky, " Lord, make the rain to stop. I don't want to get wet!"
The answer came right away- the rain stopped!
"Ha ha ha galing mo hah!", said Eicher.
A tinkling idea flashed to my mind, " If I can make the rain to stop from falling, then I can make the miseries to stop coming in to my life.". Yeah, I can!

A friend texted me this puzzling quotation : " Do one thing. Do it right. Finish it."
I will follow the rain principle and finish it!

My headache persists as I am making this screwy plan in my life. My mom was sleeping with the radio on beside her. The announcer said, " When God speaks that He will do something in your life, He will do it in your life 100 percent!". Oww gosh, the heavens is screaming on my ears again! Ha ha ha ha! Here comes the sun! the sunflowers and the sunburns! he he he!

I will wait upon the Lord.
He's been so good to me!

Consolation of the Rain

2008-09-10T17:22:00.002+08:00

Reading gives me consolation after a very tiring and dissapointing day. It's a hobby thats worth the effort of scanning and comprehending the written lines. As writers put it: there's hidden "jewels" there.

In my effort to save and keep the school going, I devised a lot of ways to reach my objective. I met a lot of disappointment, shed a lot of tears, got sick and withdrawn a little from the crowd to think, re-think, sink and get up again.

It's my one of those days today. My burning drive to work was met in the middle by a heavy rain! My red dress got wet and my asthma-caused-by- stress attacked. I was forced to stop watching the rain goes down, flooding my way. I managed to get to my office, at least, to stop and wait for a chance to continue my hitting the road.

"The rain kills my opportunity today!" I said to myself.
I pulled out the red book from the shelf, read and waited for the rain to stop.

1. Give with all your heart and mind. When you stop giving, the creation will also stop giving...to you.
2. Sometimes appreciate the animals around specially the birds. I don't like animals. Their feathers and hair make me allergic. But dear, it is right! The kittens playing on my roof give me some sort of enjoyment by just watching them. One of the little things I forgot.
3. Break your mental bondage. Limitations are in our minds only. We can do things only if we like them to. Set our mind free from limitations. The rain limits my action today but that doesn't mean I have to stop. I can't stop now.
4. Humans has the capacity to succeed and victorious. We also have the capacity to fail and be defeated. Our mind is the difference.
5. The void in us can give us the ability to "bend down" without breaking in times of difficult and harsh situations. The void in me must dictate me not to give up and not to stop until my goal is realized.
6. Perfect timing is a very valuable element of success.

The rain didn't at all ruined my opportunities... it made me to stop and give thought on those things. It's not bad after all.

To My Long Lost Friend

2008-08-12T14:39:00.002+08:00

It's been a very long time I haven't heard
About you.
You disowned me.
You blocked me in your Friend's list in Friendster.
You looked at me with dark, piercing eyes,
As if I'm more criminal
than catwoman!
Just because I loved someone
who's not you.

There was a long silence in your camp.
Your aching words swept all our friends
Away from me,
To side with you.
As if, I'm more scally than Jezebel the mermaid!

Then, unexpectedly,
A stranger's text... it was you!
"Amazing huh!" I said.
"It was just part of some small changes."
You said,
Of the disowning and the long silence.
We're friends, you said, anyway.

Are we?
My mind raced from the past to the future.
Why?
I know you.
Other friends that shoo away
Resurrected!
Why?

It will take an order of coke float,
two sambos, and
a glass of black gulaman
for me to find out why.

but you won't change my mind!

On Stopping

2008-07-10T23:29:00.004+08:00

Sitting before the blogger dashboard, my world froze for quite a long time.
"What will I write?" My last post was on May and it's already July.
My mind wandered until all I see on my computer's screen were the screen savers.
My mind went back as far as May...

Iwas so preoccupied by so many things that my mind stopped talking!
I stopped looking at things and situations.
I stopped thinking about those things and situations.
I stopped gaining insights.
I stopped appreciating.
And I saw I became so sensitive.
My courage was lessen.
And I was diagnosed with a heart damage that will be with me a lifetime.
No possible remedy.
And I was forced to stop for a while from minding a lot of things and people
And I start to think again and appreciate.

My forced vacation made me realized I'm still alone.
But the flowers are beautiful, the wind smells good, the sunsets speak of God!
Life is beautiful.
My courage came back so is my strenght.
I feel more alive and free!
My mind started to see again.
Catch me if you can!

"You see?"

2008-05-27T23:22:00.003+08:00

A couple in conflict came to me with 2 elders in the community, who wants to call it quit. The argument looks pretty senseless to me but it appeared a major problem to this couple because of cultural weight. I have said a lot just to keep them in-tack, even cattering to their emotion just to keep the marriage going. Replies from the couple came with tears... with my understanding na "ay naku, di ako maintindihan!". Until I resorted to the last weapon I know to make them understand and keep their marriage:

(In english)

"Don't you know that if you will be apart, you may enjoy it for the next 2 months, but you see it's lonely after those months! It's lonely to grow old alone and in our culture, you cannot re-marry. You see, you will feel the pain when hariraya, your birthday and new year come. It's difficult to sleep at night, alone because there will be no one there to hug you or care for you when you get sick. You see, it's what I wanna say... fight for your love!"

ang drama! grabe!

but once again... it works!

but i got the stress not because of the convincing power I let go out, but because of the last part of my statement!

I lost a husband,
I lost also a friend of long years,
And I lost friends, close friends..
The losing never stop.
Up to the last minute I said to myself:
"What else will I lose?"
I climbed a thousand Mt. Moriahs.
How many more Moriahs will I climb?

The problem with people is that during nights they are sleeping
while people like me are awake, thinking, praying, hoping... crying...silently,
so no one will hear. so no one will be disturbed.

Tomorrow I will travel again, will be very busy again.

Summerblitz

2008-04-26T15:57:00.002+08:00

summer is here...

Got a 3 days vacation in Baguio after the hectic graduation preparations and ceremony, with the school staff, "the mandirigmas" and their families. It's like being first time in Baguio. Did I enjoyed it? Nahh!! I ended up the cook because I'm the first one to get hungry. It's where my patience and my endurance to "inis" got tested! Di ako nakapagrelax , in one word. Sayang ang ten thousand pesos kong ginastos para sa trip na ito! Shukks!

After the Baguio hangover came the "bastusan na pala ito!" argument with a friend, whom I am suspecting of illegal intrusion to my friendster account, deleting my photo album and my inbox! Nagkocollect pa naman aq ng inbox messages. Kainis! In my mind came the big question," sziguro mahal ako nito?". E, may girlfriend and damuhong yon, na walang habas nyang ipinagmamalaki sa aking pagmumukha! Hayy, nakakalito talaga ang buhay...niya! Hindi akin.

I learned a lot of simple things this summer, some of them came from other important people in my life that keeps me happy:

1. Chicken adobo is much more delicious and zesty with strawberry wine.
2. Seahorses are small in size, most of them are only 2-4 inches long, so the little mermaid is really so little. Much little than the seahorse because, she is often seen riding a seahorse.
3. Your closest friends are the ones who could turn out to be your worst enemy. And could be the first ones to leave you behind.
4. Pearls are not "malas na alahas" for the brides. Kasabihan kasi na pearls are "tears". Truth? Pearls are "tears of joy" because they are formed when a small grain of sand entered the shell and got "kiliti"! Want to be happy, wear pearls.
5. Wanting to laugh, reading Bob Ong's book "ABNKKBSNPLA"- light and seems-none-sense stories of his school days got lessons and laughs. Real laughs!
6. Wanting some serious reading and thoughts about real life encounter with God's plan for your life, reading "Finding Favor with the King" by Tommy Tenney will give someone a deep thought about commitment and finding favor with God. It's a real life story of Queen Esther of Persia thousand of years before Christ, married and loved by King Xerxes of Persia, son of King Darius. The story is the story behind the Jewish festival Purim.
7. Favor from God can bring you to a lot of places and a lot of successes in life. It can bring you the happiest days you're waiting for.
8. Masarap ang nilagang hilaw na saging na saba na isinawsaw sa bagoong! Sagot sa crisis sa bigas! ha ha ha!
9. Masarap din ang kaning sinabawan ng kape katerno ang pritong dumpilas, este tamban!

What else could happen in the remaining months of this summer?

Abangan.

"I saw you before while I was sitting in a park,
you, with another one...
Never knowing that it was me with you then,
when you passed by this unfamiliar road with me,
a year later.

I smelled your scent in your absence, before,
while I was sitting in a park
that lingers on till I got home.
And I realized it was your scent now that I smell,
as I was cruising this unfamiliar road with you."

it's not the end.

Mindset

2008-03-26T14:47:00.002+08:00

back in the lowlands.

faced with many works in the office and challenges... seems so easy nowadays.

i got sidewiped with other people's problems. sitting on a chair outside my ovenlike office, it's fun to listen from other people's complaints and gruntch in life! Afterall, I kinda realized that mine is a bit easier to bear.

i think life is not that bad. it's in fact, good!

it's happy and it's fun!

life is what we see it. it's all in the mind-

the pressures, the pain, the frustrations, the failures.

crazy?

all of these things are choices to make.

we can choose to love, or fail to.

i believe so. it's not a subjective thing. it's the truth!

before, i don't view things like this.

it's when i reached the edge that i realized my mindsetting is all wrong.

changing it is not a piece of cake.

it didn't happen overnight.

it's a process.

and am reaping the good results of it.

it's what Word of God puts it," renewed your mind."

sobrang serious nito!

bakit? wala lang.

On the Bench

2008-03-20T06:26:00.002+08:00

Home alone since Monday. My parents on vacation. Am here in the tribe again. I used to be alone but it seems I can't get used to it. And since it's Holy Week, the people here are out there trying to make money out of their pearls along the beaches of Batangas. Ang tahimik!!

I contend myself doing some sketching, listening to music, and eating during my spare time. My mom left me my favorite food in the ref- milk, cheese,danggit,etc. (talk about my allergies!). So i bought lots of what I like! And for the first time since February, I was able to watch tv via satellite.

I came these things that made me think:

While sleeping in my house, I noticed bees sound that night, and by morning, some of them were flying over my bed. So I asked John Mark to check my walls, since my they are covered with curtains. And he found beehives, about 4 of them and the swarm of bees were busy creating another beehive, on the wall atop my headboard! The other badjaos smoked the bees out of my house and got the beehives. It was my first time to taste honey direct from the honeycomb. The milk and honey taste so good! The milk is actually baby bees on the making! So I decided to let the bees stay in my house, so we could collect more honey. Yeah, the bees stayed.... for 1 day! The next day, they're gone!

Bees are peace loving insects. They don't like to be disturbed while doing their " what they're supposed to do.". Busy but quiet and demands to be left alone so they could produce sweet honey. Best produce in our lives come in times we are alone and in deep thoughts. Most of us don't want to be alone. We like to be always in company and got sad and bored when left alone. We sometimes fail to appreciate the value of aloneness. Aloneness is not negative, it's positive! Sometimes, I do, commit that mistake.

Watching ducks swim on the water... how come this heavey bird float on water and even though they dive beneath, they don't get wet? I remember my grandfather who said to us whenever we take baths, " Maligo na maayos, wag paligong bibi!".

Ducks are incredible birds. Poor in flying but best in swimming! They are so excellent in floating, something that I can't even do! Ha ha ha! Life is like an ocean of varying wave sizes and storms! People should be like ducks, instead of succumbing to life's challenges, they should know how to float! When you float, you don't drown no matter how high the wave be! Life could be easy to deal with if we all know how to "float".

Heartbreak is a painful experience. It's one experience I hate! I symphatize with people who are heartbroken. It's easy to fall in-love but it's so difficult to move on after the failure. My gosh! I made the best coffee that morning when a parent told me her son is brokenhearted and can't move on. Talking to this guy removed the taste and good aroma of my coffee! (am the only one talking, and the guy.. he cries!). Seeing a guy cry move my heart and what else will I say but, "put this in your mind: it's her lost not yours!"! Ahuh!

Falling in love is a choice and so is getting hurt and not moving on. So we could make a choice to move on even in one day! Pain and love is an activity of our hypothalamus, it's a big thing to know that we can dictate our hypothalamus to minimize the pain so we could do something to move on.

"Moving on" is the phrase of the week here!

Why are there penguins in the South pole and not in the North Pole? Pareho lang namang may ice dun?

Make each day a day to smile about. Be like sunflowers!!!

It's one of these three weeks

2008-03-13T18:55:00.003+08:00

I've been here in the lowlands for three long weeks now working on my other job in a school. I haven't got any rest since then and I can feel the fatigue on my neck and legs.

One night, as I was computing on some grades of students who have the tendency to be repeaters, a news was running on the screen of my television about the Bb. Pilipinas coronation night... a winner spoke out her "winning speech" that made me spew out the bread I was eating!

"My gosh, ang galing! Pano nanalo yan?" was my remark with amazement, wondering how this gal made it to the crown!

Confidence and height alone should not be the only criteria in choosing a "queen" who will represent our country to the world. Intelligence and outstanding personality should be! Beside, she will speak out for us, she will create an image of us Filipinos to the world. She will promote even our education system to the world which holds an outstanding image as the best english speaking country. (Best because Filipinos speaks English using correct grammar, unlike the Westerns who don't care about grammar at all.). How will she speak for us if she can't even express herself correctly and confidently? Giggling and making excuses are not expression of confidence! "Sus, simpleng English lang, di pa masalita." sabi nga ng mga katulad din nyang poor at ordinaryong estudyante na nag-aaral din sa mga simpleng eskwelahan dito sa amin!

Hayyy!!! Kainis! "Tanga na nga kami, tinatanga pa!" sabi ng mga langaw. " Indi! Siya lang ang tanga!" sagot ng mga bubuwit!

Hayyy!!! (again)

Talking about autism and specially gifted kids, it's one of my frequent enrolment encounter... encounter with denying parents! Denying is the common response to this challenge in kids. However, denying doesn't do any good to these special children, it just delay the possible progress the kids may have. Denying is understandable but it should not be pampered within. If only parents should forget themselves and focus on the kids' progress a lot of things will be accomplished to help these kids become who they should be in the future. Denial kills!

What's good about bloghopping and exchanging links is that you get inspired and entertained by other people's work. Mine is somekinda serious. It's looking at things the other way around. I am amused at the colors, pictures and write ups of other people's blogs. Other's make me laugh! Kian's is one of my favorite. Its down-to-earth and very light. Nawawala pagod ko pag nababasa ko write ups niya! O, mababaw lang talaga kaligayahan ko?

Without Glasses

2008-03-01T18:10:00.002+08:00

It's been a month of "seem-like unendless tasks"! I hardly notice that I've been away from this blog the whole month of February! I can't believe it! I've been so very busy pala!

Setting up my new business kept me so busy....

When you look at things using your natural eyes only, shaded by your own principles in life which were molded by your experiences and environment, things look kinda different from looking at things using both the hemisphere of your brains coupled with your heart. Which one is kinder, more understanding and more humane?

Life became tough to me and I can't forget I once faced that crossroad of looking at things in two different ways. And I could say that the second one is far better than the first one. It changed my attitude really, and I became more peaceful.

When you have vision problem and you tried to look at things around you without your glasses, things are blurred. And when you also tried to look at things with just one eye, your focus is affected. And with those challenges at hand, to make an accurate move... better use your instinct or your intuition... like what I'm doing now. Because am typing this write up without glasses!

While Watching

2008-01-29T17:17:00.000+08:00

Spectator mode....

Viewing a film my father shew me upon arriving home, while sipping a hot coffee, I can't help being amazed at how this man on film, showing how he lives alone in his home in Australia, his testimony of independence, faith in God and the beaming happiness on his face as if no tragedy ever have happened in his life... he has no limbs! He was born without limbs! So the title of his film, "Born Without Limbs".

"What could keep us from getting the best of out of our lives? What can hinder us from getting our happiness?" I thought.

Fear? Yes, perhaps. The fear of taking Risk.

Walking through the dark, muddy road to the highway on a very early dawn... It's so cold! Yet I have to hurry up to catch up to the earliest bus ride to Manila. I can't stop thinking about this kind of early morning: Cold, very dark, only 2 to 3 stars in sight...

I'm glad there are mornings everyday! It reminds us people that there is always a new beginning. There is always a "next time" in every mistake committed. There is always hope in every situation.

.... so is a new baby coming, a symbol of new day, new life, new beginning, brand new hope.

I have dreams and wishes that seem to be impossible to come true. But I believe they will be given to me, in His perfect time! That's why there are mornings.

Celia made my friendster profile like a garden! So many beautiful flowers are on it! I don't know her but she keeps on sending me flowers, virtual flowers I mean. I like them! I like flowers! very much!

What are the flowers in our life that make us happy? It's beautiful and happy to keep them.
Flowers fade, so are some of our friends and loved ones.
But there will always come someone new to make our lives beautiful again.

Breakthrough Thoughts

2008-01-17T15:38:00.000+08:00

Meet 2008 with heavy challenges!

Many said it's my year! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! It's my year indeed!

Many do not know HOW this year met me at the crossroad!

But it's my year and that's what I'd like to keep in mind!

I paused for a while and focused on these things to ease up the friction of challenges and keep me on tract of the winning line:

1. Changed the energy around my workdesk! Put aside the marble elephant that's sitting on my table... ( elephants are heavy! totoo naman.)

2. Don't complain. Never explain!

3. Be my own self best friend! It's time to love myself, and yours too!
Don't sabotage yourself by putting the most negative and horrible connotation on everything you do. Instead, develop dedication into all the things that represent you. Live your life to the full by giving yourself the fullest support and encouragement. (Sabi ko nga.)

4. Don't allow myself to make a freefall to the stream of life. It's better to flow along gently into the flow of life. ( Yap!)

5. Don't allow the frivolous tittle-tackle to weaken the immune system of my being. ( A-huh!)

6. Do my own thinking! It's "walang ka kwenta-kwentang belief" ang humugot ng lakas mula sa ibang tao! ( Yan ang usong linya ng mga sawi at duguan!). Turn inward rather than outside for strenght and help. Real strenght comes from within. If the strenght will come from other people outside the self, then we always have the tendency to crumble down and fall.

7. Take the path of least resistance. Never argue. Learn to give in, to compromise or just learn to WALK AWAY.

I did survived! Up there are just the tip of the iceberg of the task that I did to keep me going through the challenges of this year. The real secret is in my mind... and it's in the mind of everyone, too.

I recommend the book " YOUR BEST LIFE NOW' by Joel Osteen. It's a very good book specially for those who are on the "edge". It's worth buying and reading. It's non-traditional!

Stop, Look and Listen

2008-01-01T12:09:00.000+08:00

I got this short quiz from the seminar I attended, on the part where we discussed about the "Generations". I answered all the questions and it's fun, made me realized some weak and strong points that are not visible to my "eyes", re: the " blindspot" area of my mind; kinda explaining why I do things and don't do things. It's a little bit shallow compared to the Sach's Sentence Test we usually take when we apply for jobs. Anyway, just for fun!

STOP, LOOK and LISTEN

Instruction: Complete the sentences below.

1. The thing I love most about what I do is ____________.
2. People might be surprised to know that ___________.
3. The most important thing I've learned is that __________.
4. I wish when I started off I've been told to __________.
5. The worst thing that ever happened to me was that ___________.
6. And what this taught me was _____________.
7. The secret to happiness is ___________.
8. The song/soundtrack of my life would be __________.
9. The thing that makes me most angry is __________.
10. If I was the most powerful person on earth, I would be ___________.
11. The best thing about my family is __________.
12. The best thing about myself is _________.
13. When I am gone, my family would probably say ___________.
14. If money was no option, I would __________.
15. When I retire, I would like ___________.
16. The world would be a better place if _________.
17. My personal hero is ___________.
18. The thing that makes my life worth living is _______.
19. My greatest hope for the future is _________.
20. The worst thing somebody said about me was _______.
21. My most favorite moment in a day is ___________.
22. I'm saving up for _______.
23. My biggest weakness is _________.
24. My current state of mind is __________.
25. My five most favorite words are __________.
26. What I feel about this activity is __________.
27. I aspire to be a __________.

However you answer these questions, re-reading and thinking about every word you answered will still somehow reveal a hidden part of you... worth appreciating! Well, I did and I ended up laughing at my own " crazy" answers. Have fun!

What fun would come to me this 2008?

I expect to travel to different tribes this year... for visits and exposures and to meet a lot of people of different race! Owws, that's exciting!

Right now, am bored! I don't like long vacations! It's draining my energy! A 3 to 4 days rest is enough to get me going.

But somehow boredom led me to find out that it's much fun to go up to my house by the window than using the door!!! Ha ha ha!

@@@@@@@ time for breakfast!! @@@@@@@@@

Something New

2008-01-01T00:12:00.000+08:00

It's New Year Eve! Kinda celebrating it away from the usual noise of the city... I contended myself watching the fireworks displays from the terrace of my badjao house! There is no "gulat" for me this eve, just "whoaa! sige, dagdagan natin ang laki ng butas ng ozone layer!! ha ha ha!". Then... the traditional arroscaldo eating in the family. That is not something new!

It's 2008, time to leave the past of 2007...yeah, I've got lots of things to leave behind. But I also got a lot of things to be thankful about. That is also not something new!

What could be something new for me this night? I can only recall of one thing:

I stood upon a protruding rock in the middle of the village, looked up in the sky and sang on top of my voice... removing all the shame on my body, let the people hear ( that I can sing! he he he!)... and dance,too, alone! hahayy!! Then afterwards, I looked up in the heavens and said in a loud voice: " Lord, You fulfill Your words to me this year. I believe that You will do because You said so!". That's something new!

Happy New Year to all my ex-links!!

New Direction

2007-12-07T15:56:00.000+08:00

There is a change of wind direction in my life...

" Thus saith the Lord the Maker thereof, the Lord that formed it,
to establish it; the Lord is His name:
"Call unto Me, and I will answer thee, and show thee
great and mighty things, which thou knowest not." "

Jeremiah 33:2-3

Excerpts from Sunsets

2007-10-27T12:03:00.000+08:00

On Difficult Situations:

Being in a difficult situation calls for a strong determination to control the emotion to be able to do the right thing. But sometimes you can't help it-- you will certainly emote! But no matter how deep the emotion may be, what matters most is how you will gonna spring back to your old sane position, to be able to do the right thing!

Losing A Friend:

Losing a friend is like being amputated of your left hand, specially if you have devoted years letting your friendship grow. The pain cannot be erased specially if the loss is due to some dreams that can't come true. You can't help ask if your friendship was really built on solid ground. But a friendship needs an equal amount of respect to allow your friend to heal, learn and grow so that the tie will remain for future "reference".

Rainbow Connection:

When God first drew the rainbow in the sky, it symbolized His promise that never again will He destroy earth with a flood. When I first saw a rainbow that spoke to my heart, it was night, 9pm. It was a reminder of God's covenant in my life. I saw it again, in the middle of the heavy rain, over my house, two rainbows in perfect arches!

Taming the Fox

I got this from my email: A prince met a fox who's looking for someone to tame him so he could be his friend. The prince doesn't know how to tame a fox, he said he would rather tame his roses. The fox taught the prince how he will tame him, and he said: " You Prince will come to me everyday, sit before me, saying nothing... just look at me and I will look at you in the corner of my eye. And everyday you will sit closer to me. Because words are source of misunderstanding...". Conventional ways of knowing a person sometimes fail. We could say we have stayed with a person for years thinking we already knew him, but it's a sad fact to find out that after all the years, the other person will blurt out, " You didn't know me."! Sometimes, it's much better to follow the fox' way- "tame me", meaning "know me by feeling me!". That's how God knows us all... He knows us by heart not by mind, or else He would not understand our complications.

I wish the person who sent me that email has learned the fox' way. I don't think so, for he/she has failed to "tame" me.... so sad.

Sunsets

It doesn't mean the end of life. It doesn't mean growing old. It doesn't mean things are already done, one has to walk away...

I do my thinking on sunsets. It means a start of my life. It means a new day will come, tomorrow. It means I have to go on and never give up. It means life is beautiful in spite of the many difficult circumstances. It means rest to my weariness. I saw a lot of sunsets in my life, and I thank God for them.

" God has made every thing beautiful in His time...". -Ecclesiastes 3:11

Tired Mind

2007-10-16T14:50:00.000+08:00

Walking the pathway of the park this morning, a friend of ours who's running an orphanage for streetkids in Quezon City, suddenly flashed into my mind with her words: " A time will come you will feel tired and alone, and see that all you've been doing is not enough. But no! You just hold on..."

It's been a week that I'm feeling tired and worn out, I wanted to go home to my house in Bulacan! I see that what I'm doing is not enough to create a change in every person's future. I feel am not making it through to all my goals. I love my work, and am happy doing it but sometimes I feel it's just not enough! My frustrations move high whenever a student of mine stop schooling, or stop attending my training classes. I got weak seeing that attitudes don't change from being tribal to being better. Or maybe am just expecting too much?

Schooling in my tribe is not that important. Survival is what matters. Idleness is the name of each day... a short time to work, and a lot of time to sleep and "play". Money and jewelries matters most, its their security. Perseverance and endurance are unknown words here. In our community, the motivation to be educated is high, yet still there are some who gets tired of going to our literacy classes. There are still some potential leaders who gave up my training classes.

There are times I can't stop telling my mom, "sana nag med na lang ako, or itinuloy ko yung pag take ng psychiatry, siguro wala ako dito, baka mayaman na ako!". Sometimes I also tell her, " You're not feeling the same way I do kasi nandyan si Dadi, malakas suportahan nyong dalawa." Which I guess also reached my Dad's knowledge.

Organizing my thoughts, I don't know where to start to energize my self-motivation and my zealousness to go on with my work. I feel alone in this field and neglected. Remembering our friend's word,"... but no! You just hold on!", a question popped out of my mind, " to what?". Oh my!!

In spite of my tiredness, I still was able to count on the learnings I got from Eicher. I"m trying to use those learnings to simplify my situation. Well, I learned from him that:

1. God loves me so much love I never knew before.

2. That life is simple and its beautiful. Our beliefs and attitudes make life complicated.

3. Maging simple lang ako, mas madaling makarelate sa lahat ng tao kapag simple ka lang. Sanay kang magchopstick, sanay ka ding mag silverwares, sanay ka ding mag kamay, kumain ala construction worker at kumain ala socialite! Flexible ika nga.

4. We all have a choice.

Huuuu!!! At marami pang iba, na di ko alam ipaliwanag pero kaya kong gawin.

Well I guess, I have no choice but to go on.

Looking Back...Passing By

2007-10-06T16:51:00.000+08:00

Running errand for my mother in the city... as usual, naligaw ulit ako. I just can't memorize the route of jeepneys in the city. Instead of reaching SM in Pallocan West, I went as far as Alangilan. Sensing the way was wrong, I alighted from the jeep. There goes me... I decided to walk back to the right way.

I passed by the capitolio... I wondered when will I be able to get inside the Gov. Vi's office? The same way I did in Bulacan's governor's office.

I stepped onto fallen calachuchi flowers along the sidewalk... hmmm the scent! It brings back to my memory our old log house in Valenzuela City, when I was in high school. Sitting on top of our cemented fence, I would watch kids of my age play on the road. I couldn't join because of my RHD! That RHD of mine have wasted my youth! So glad I am out of it!

Passing by a fire tree with lots of flowers.... Oh gee, this tree reminds me of my birthday. Fire trees peaked its flowering in summer! Uhhhh, I love summer! The flowers, the heat, the opportunities summer may bring. Summer always, since I was young, brings me a lot of opportunities and memories. If some people get excited about Christmas, I get excited when summer draws near. Christmas brings me tears because of some unlikely memories, and tension because of gastusin! The "inaanaks" huh! Di pa naman ako sanay magtago, I love being caught and kissed by the hand saying, " Mano po ninang! Ehem, regalo ko!".

Fire trees rekindle the memories of my birthday, vacation and some good people in my life I met in the past who in some way and so short period of time have made me happy.

I finally made it to the right way. Riding the jeep to SM, I can smell the scent of the rain. May amoy pala ang ulan... at siyempre malamig ang pakiramdam. It was a cool scent. I remembered a song I heard:

" God will make a way whether seems to be no way,

He works in ways we cannot see..."

I read that as a verse in Isaiah where God told to His people in their impossible times that He will make a way in the desert.

Because I did face some difficult situations.

Reaching my destination, I felt relief after a long trip.

Time to play Time Crisis!

Ours is Like This

2007-09-27T11:33:00.000+08:00

For you have come unexpectedly in the day
I did not know I will be asked to
let go of my solitary beliefs;
During the heat of summer,
When I was so busy tending my father's flock.

It was after my prayer:
"Look not upon me O Lord because I am black,
because the sun has looked upon me;
My mother's children were angry with me;
They made me the keeper of their vineyards,
but my own vineyard have I not kept." ( Songs 1:5-6)

It was also after the Lord spoke to me,
that He's beginning to make a great change
in my life.
After I have learned to play R.O.S.E., basketball
and Time Crisis.

Who will say that I will have the courage
To cross boundaries and bridges I've never crossed before?
To break the tradition I hold dear in my life?
That is when after I have known you!

There was no sad moment with you.
There was no tiring minute with you.
Each is a piece of good memory,
I wish I could compile in a scrapbook.
But no! It should be posted in our hearts,
And in our minds.. so they won't fade away.

Ours is a sun after a very long rain!
A strike of light in a very dark place.
A laughter in the midst of gloom and dreary,
A pause after a very long conversation.

If I will be asked to describe you-
I would say,
You are a flowing stream
Whose tranquil water brings calmness and peace
To my soul.
A gentle breeze that embraces me
When I sleep,
Bringing me pleasant dreams!

Who would forget you, Eicher?
They may forget you but not I!
I will hold you dear here,
In my heart.
Though we're miles apart,
Nothing has changed.
It's as if it's always the beginning,
And end is far away!

I thank God for sending you in my life,
I may not know how long we'll going to travel
Together in this road of ours,
But I am so happy and thankful,
That once in my life,
I was given the chance to be with
You
And know that life is more beautiful
Than what I have thought it is.

In the middle of our laughs
Sometimes you say my eyes are sad...
It's because I do not want end to come
In our happiness.

D Problem wid Rapid Manifestation Wei...

2007-09-19T17:48:00.000+08:00

I've studied Rapid Manifestation by Dr. Anthony Roberts, a downloaded article from the internet (Secrets of the Mind Masters). I've read it thoroughly and I could say its a truth that will help a person in a lot of ways, specially in finances and success. It's the same principle as that of the Bible about our minds in Romans, " Be ye transformed by the renewing of your minds..."

Yeah, it's about our minds! It's about how our emotions are transmitted to our environment and thus afffect also the outcome of things in our lives. It's what you fear the most that happen. It's not just having a positive mind but a hygienic mind that influence our actions, our sorrounding and our course of life!

It's effective! I can attest to that! In my finances, in my transactions and to my workplaces. But I never thought it will also be effective in healing a broke heart or a heart in pain!

Yeah it did! I was forced to move on within two weeks from an indespaired relationship! E sino kayang tao ang makagagawa nun? Two weeks end and nothing happened... I tried Rapid Manifestation! It worked! Within less than a month I was able to move on... minus the pain!
Sad memories? Nahh!! Gone!! Ha ha ha ha!

Now I got "long hair" and wide smiles,... laughters too!

Now, the person who broke up with me and learned that I used the technique wants me to undo it because he wanted to "return" to my world. The problem with Rapid Manifestation when you used it to pain, it totally delete all files of pain and feelings... how will you recover something from nothing? It's impossible!! This is something he cannot understand. The saddest thing about it is: he is the one who introduced me to the principle because he was so tired and irritated seeing me so quietly in pain before!

I recommend Rapid Manifestation to those who wanted to make a 360 degrees moving on!!

So you can also sing " Time In" with me!! ha ha ha ha ( luma na kanta pero swak pa rin!)
with the last line that goes....

"Akin and sandali,
Ako ang reyna ng gabi!" : )

Touched by God's Word

2007-09-14T21:15:00.000+08:00

" For as the rain comes down, and the snow from heaven, and return not thither, but water the earth, and make it bring forth and bud, that it may give seed to the sower, and bread to the eater:

So shall My word that go forth out of My mouth, it shall not return unto Me void, but it shall accomplish that which I please, and it shall prosper in the thing thereto I sent it.

For ye shall go out with joy, and be led forth with peace..."

Isaiah 55:10-12

" And behold, I am with thee, and will keep thee in all places where thou go, and will bring thee again in this land; for I will not leave thee until I have done that which I have spoken of thee of."

Genesis 28:15

" When you pass through the waters, I will be with You. said the Lord.
Fear not, for I am with you."

Isaiah 43: 2-5

These words came in the time so needful of His assurance. I received the first and 2nd ones during my time of reflection, and the 3nd one through a text from a student of mine.

So my strenght and my endurance continue.

My praise be unto Him, Yeshua T' Adonai !!

note: Yeshua T' Adonai- Hebrew " Jesus Our God"

I am A PK !

2007-09-11T13:48:00.000+08:00

I belong to a circle of kids around the world known as the PKs. We're millions now though, and each of us like the rest of the kids out there, are unique in many different ways. But I don't like to speak about its uniqueness. I'd like to speak about what we sometimes think and feel which none of the people out there, including our parents, know and care to know.

Since this blog is about " talkative mind"... perhaps reading this is the only best way to do. I thought about this write up when I attended a seminar on Values Plus II Last Saturday. I shook hands with the guest speaker and she recognized instantly with a blurt, " Oh, you're a PK! So am I! We belong to the same circle! Ha ha ha!"

PK means " Preacher's Kid"! I guess, you already know where am heading to. Well, I'm not only a PK, am also a MK (Missionary Kid)!! And in our family, all my nieces and nephews, cousins and relatives in the 2nd to the 4th generations are all PKs!!

Is it hard to be one? How does life being one goes? Do we share feelings and encounters like other kids whose parents are not like ours? And many more questions.. unendless questions.

Our parents are popular. People see them in television, in the streets, hear them on radios, involved in politics, in education, in all areas of the society. They have networking groups, associations and even corporations! If other kids have their parents working at day and can only be seen at night, our parents are working on call 24/7 everyday! For MK's, their parents are absent from home most of the time, mostly weeks and months! For tribal missionaries like me, sometimes it takes years to be far away from home! Grabe di ba? That's why MK's go with their parents wherever they go.

We kids live in the back of the limelight. We are expected to behave according to the norms. We are expected to live up with the biblical principles. We, like other people in this creation also needs to have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ! Our parents salvation is not transferrable to us their kids. And in the future, when we grow up, we are being expected to be called by God in His service following the footsteps of our parents. We bear in our shoulders the big obligation to tell others about Jesus, His love for us His creation, and His sacrifice just to pay for the sins of every individual on earth. To tell them that God has provided all of us the deep meaning of our existence.

We feel the same way like other kids do. We have the same fears and struggles, only we do not have " our own will". And its so hard sometimes! But as to the grace and favor from the Almighty... we're so rich of it!!

Well I guess, I have to go now... work calling! Chow!

A Love Story at Iba pa...

2007-09-03T16:50:00.000+08:00

Back to Batangas...

the Badjawan where I belong.

.... peace and quiet after a heartbreaking and mindcrushing week in

Bulacan:

"they lighten up my day. they always take my breath away."

"eunice, gemma, me, arlene & ruth...we work together everyday.
kilawing mangga session is fun with them."

Before I went here, my friend & I decided to watch " A Love Story", the movie of Aga Muchlach, Maricel Soriano and Angelika Panganiban. Watching it was actually a lambing from my friend who, like me, has a necksized stress from work.

There we go. The theme song, "Tell Me" gives an additional touching effect. It was my third time to watch a love story. The 1st was the movie also of Aga & the wife of Diether Ocampo, (Oh my gosh! I can't remember the title! This could be the effect of my 80/60 blood pressure!); and the 2nd one was Eternity. Both were good movies, (fighting for love), in my taste. But this one is different. Its a love triangle!

The writer was good, making us think that the other woman was the younger one... which is the usual happening. But no! the other woman is the older one, which according to the ad, (that caught my interest that's why I watched it) : " What will happen if the right woman is the other woman?". Kaiba di ba?

Long before the movie highlighted, I wanted to go home na! Because I"m hearing some sobs! Because its malungkot! And I already predicted that the right woman which is the other woman will give way, and I was right!!! Iiiihh! the pain, the tears, the pleadings between the man and the other woman.... Filipino concept! Di ba pwedeng ibahin? ha ha ha ha! Hey, most of us who watched it are women! Only a handful men were there, usually dates!

But I also know of a love story. Not so rare, I suppose, that ended up into nothing after so many years, because of kawalan ng pagpapahalaga. When the woman, free and everything, met a man who made her happy, the previous man realized how important to him the woman is... so he's done all his best to win back the woman, but to no avail! No amount of tears, force and pleadings made her come back!

Lessons in Life: Always appreciate what is here. You may not know its value but it's God's gift to you! Love it while it's here, so that when it's gone, you'll be thankful to God that you did not waste any time loving and appreciating it... there'll be good memories left in your pockets!

Thank you Lord for this gift of life! For making my hair long andmy smiles longer!! Ha ha ha!

Courageous Me!

2007-08-21T13:07:00.000+08:00

Slow update!

1. I got myself almost drowned when I, with my companions, forcefully crossed the batangas inlet with a banca making sagwan, in the middle of the storm... big waves, furious wind, during the height of typhoon Egay, hitting our small banca, tossing it angrily!! Ganun cguro ang feeling ng mga Titanic passengers before it sank!
In my mind, I only called out two persons: Jesus and Eicher!
.... all of these, in the call of duty and love for my work!

2. My getting soaked wet in the storm made me sick. But I need to go back to Bulacan for some work matters which unfortunately kahit anong gawin q, di ko matapos-tapos ang trabaho!

3. Enjoying the last day with Eicher cruising Quezon City and Makati, on motorbike! Finally beating my fear of speed and getting crushed! It was a pleasurable, and adventurous rendevouz!

i wish i could answer all the questions in your mind,
on how our future might be.
i wish i could be a solution to your multiple problems,
so you don't need to go away.

Lot's of Things

2007-08-12T16:40:00.000+08:00

Many things happened while I was away from this blog.

It was a very long time...

But lots of things came in:

1. I finally got my own Badjao house. It's a green, 2 storey bamboo house with a terrace where you can see the fields afar, the mountains and the dirt road leading to the highway! You can stargaze every night. It's as if you're so close to the clouds! Ganun! It has its odd badjao staircase, windows and no door (just openings)! Nyah! I hang my curtains, lots of them! Muslim style! (This pic was before I fixed the things in the house.)

2. Got my share of laughters and tears! Teaching my lessons....

Life really is so simple. Complication is only in the mind. We can make things simple by learning appreciation and a little bit of understanding.

3. ... and dancing the igal!

that's how we celebrate in the tribe! Even simple things can be a source of great joy! You will know the meaning of life when you spend even a bit of your life among the ethnic tribes! You will realize that you are so blessed by God!

I was here only last September 2006, and I could say... it's wonderful to live here!

a. The "exotic" food-- grabe!

b. the baysanan ( wedding shower)--- luxurious! Go there with your malong and dance barefooted!

c. the people, with their hugs and greetings! ay naku! challenging yet warm! E kasi love nila aq!

d. the dialect, " sinama"-- tounge twisting to! Counting is the most difficult to learn!

e. the people's faith-- moving heaven!

f. the tribal leaders? vibes kami lahat!

g. most of all, my life here got me the promise of God came true!... and I also met Eicher here who added pleats to my curtains! ha ha ha ha!

Sa susunod ulit....

If You Think...

2007-07-20T23:38:00.000+08:00

someone said I should be ashamed about my posts
in this blog....

This is my blog, and i write my thoughts here

about the things that i encounter, where there are lessons to learn.

Sometimes, just my happy experiences are posted here.

Just to share.

Should i be ashamed of my thoughts?

Should i be ashamed of my happy moments?

No! That could be pretentious!

Why post them?

So you will know what's in my mind,...while am working

with my hands.

So you will know me better.

At least 50% of who I am.

Yap, 50%!

Why you need to know me?

Because I know I'm a beautiful person,

not just to look at...

(And I like you to know things that i learn too.)

But the trouble is

You don't want to see inside my mind

so you will know how beautiful i am,

so you will also know how good you are!

Life is beautiful!

We have to appreciate it

if we want to grow old gracefully.

(",) ('-')

After All

2007-07-19T23:28:00.000+08:00

I'm back after 3 days of "vacation" in Bulacan. I feel so good moving alone, without pressure, without anything that might curve my mood!

I got this so happy day! But in every sun that shine, there will always arise a rain cloud! Shukks! Spoiled my day!
All I have said was, " I need space!".
It's an alien word to me, but for the first time I crave for it!

I have my share of spolied day! But its so nice to have someone beside you to tell you, " Don't mind it. Be strong! Think about only the good things that has happened to you!"
Yeah, he's right!
And I felt good!

I have learned a lot this day.

1. To be unmoveable, you need to have a lot of guts to stand on what you believe is right and hold on to it until the result that you want is realized!

2. "Today, I am alive, and the whole world is mine."

3. Love is a choice.

eicher,
thank you for being there.

"Spacey space"

2007-07-19T23:01:00.000+08:00

I need space right now.

We need space in order to grow. To rethink about the things we should have thought before.

We need space to move freely, to explore the things around us, and learn how every living and non-living thing " came about".

We need space to be alone. To realize, to gain wisdom.

We need space to be us. To be truly us.

Does space hurt?

Not it doesn't.

But it will if we fail to understand what it is for.

Does it has its limits?

I don't think so.

It is healthy.

It is fine.

No need to fear.

No need to worry.

"sometimes i run. sometimes i cry.

sometimes i'm scared of you.

but all i really want is to hold you tight..."

There is a time for everything

2007-07-15T14:38:00.000+08:00

It's Sunday afternoon, taking a short break from my very hectic day.... "ang hirap talaga ng nag-iisa." quote of one of my female friends. " Ay, Oo!" sabi ko naman, "...sanayan lang 'yan!". Sanayan nga lang, ngunit nararamdaman ko ang katotohanan ng sinabi ng aking kaibigan! Hay yay yay!!
" Kumusta ka, wonder woman?", my friend greeted. "Pwede ba Darna na lang? Masyado akong maganda para maging Wonder Woman!!", my reply.... just a joke!!! yeah, to curve away my tiredness.
I can't wait for Monday! Sana Monday na ngayon! I will go home and see my loved ones and friends, watch Harry Potter, ( sus, sana abutan ko pa!), see eicher, and tuck my head onto my favorite pillow the whole day. Eat my favorite foods with my meow and pingu! Scare all the people in our compound for 1 day, greet all the tinderas in the palengke on Wednesday morning, not to buy, just to see and greet them! Weird? (Well, someone has to know me better). Finish my painting on our wall... that's right! If still I can, see Jose Rizal before I return to Batangas, ang lupain ng mga matatapang at.....( ehem)! But I have to change attire by Tuesday, put on my corporate dress and be a boss for one day in our company!!! Ano'ng klaseng bakasyon 'yan? Trabaho din? Pwede bang wag na lang akong pumasok? Pwede bang ibang tao na lang muna ang mag-intindi ng mga problema para sa akin? I am shaking by merely seeing the gate of my workplace! My gosh, buti na lang wala akong alta presyon! Kung hindi, natsugi na ang beauty ko noon pa man! Iwanan ka ba namang mag-isa ng mga matatapang mong kasama sa industriya at ipataw lahat sa balikat mo ang lahat ng problema at alalahanin ng kumpanyang yan, at pag may palpak ay kagagaling na sabihing, " bocing, you made a wrong decision! You should have done it this way... or that way!". Huh? Kaya minsan di nila ako masisi na isnabin ko ang mga kagwapuhan at kautakan nila! At kung minsan, di nila ako masisi na I spend an hour or two at starmart instead of talking to them! At kung minsan, di nila ako mapigil na isiping isang araw, mas gusto kong maglagi sa lugar ng mga katutubo, sa lahat ng parte ng Pilipinas, kaysa pumasok sa aking opisina! You know, a bit of encouragement for people like me, helps a lot to keep us going!

Sometimes, I would like to go some places, away from all my works and know again the meaning of the word, " serenity". I"d like to grow old gracefully. I'd like to see myself in the future sitting on a beach with someone before a sunset. My gosh! I can't do that if I will kill myself working almost 24 hours a day! But job calls.... hu hu hu! Nah, but am damn happy at my work in the tribe! So ano'ng inirereklamo ko? Wala lang, sobra lang akong pagod! Na sa sobrang ka bisihan at kapaguran ko ay nalilimutan kong batiin at alalahanin ang dapat kong alalahanin at batiin!! Ay, ang gulo!

I don't like it this way. I'd like to have time. Time for myself, time for my loved ones, time to see and feel that life is an experience to enjoy and appreciate, it doesn't matter if it's raining or shining! But I think, having time is also a matter of choice!

"I'd like to see the forever in your eyes!"

(kainis, napaka sentimental ko ngayon!)

Rainy Days... Starless Nights yet Bright Nights

2007-07-14T21:52:00.000+08:00

" Raindrops are the bravest things God ever created... know why?
coz they're never afraid to fall!"

... so the text I recieved goes.

Some time, I wish was a raindrop. Not afraid to fall!

I did fail, a lot of times! The common feeling? It hurts!

People are afraid of falling because it hurts!

Am I afraid to fall? Yeah, I was. But not anymore!
I realized that sometimes to fall is good for your "health", and falling in many ways in many areas in our life is innevitable specially since our nature is vulnerable to you know what.
Happiness is real and life is true when we have fallen. Because you knew what it is to be human.

(Hayyy!!! Ano bang sinasabi ko? I have become too serious.)

God has been so good to me. He has His little ways of putting back the smiles on my face!
I got a little anxious yesterday. I remembered some thoughts that I realized was not yet settled in my mind. Triggered, it caused me a deep sadness.

Though it was raining, I went to the city to do some mailing... the rain, for the first became good on my skin! On my way to SM Batangas, a cute little boy sat beside me. While we talk, it's as if God was talking to me, telling me, "I'm with you. Don't be afraid."

I did some archading. I enjoyed "Time Crisis", breaking away from my stresses. For every bullet that I shot in levelling up goes down to my anxiousness, and my sadness. There goes the walls!! Timbering!!

I walked home, instead of riding. The mountains were partly covered with rain clouds. They're beautiful, with the rain clouds! I can hear the still small voice of God in my heart, "Who told you to be afraid? Who told you, you will walk alone in this one? Didn't I tell you I will walk with you through this one?".

Peace.

I bowed before Isa Almasih (Jesus Christ) when I reached the village. A solemn serenity enveloping the worship place. I can almost feel the smile on His face, as He always do every time I bow before Him. " I will be with you when you go through this one. We will walk together."
Enough has been said.

" You are forever in my life.
You see me through the seasons.
Cover me with your hand.
And lead me in your righteousness...

And I look to You.
And I wait on you."

I want to go on a hundred miles from here. = )

Read Eicher. It's For you!

2007-07-11T20:08:00.000+08:00

I am happy you are here reading my posts!

I hope you know now what's in my mind!

I'm so happy to have you here in my life!

Hanep!!!

"Life, Eicher is sometimes like this."

2007-07-08T22:18:00.000+08:00

Tonight is the first clear evening sky of July! I decided to go for a short walk in the village. I looked at the light studded mountains not far away from our place... it's beautiful! The gentle breeze is lightly touching my face and neck like an embrace.

I stood up in the middle of the village, looked up in the sky and uttered a short prayer. Prayer is what I can do now.

"I wish, Oh God, I am only dreaming... and please wake me up.
I know I can't do anything for this.... please be in control."

I sat down under the banana tree and tried to organize in my mind what is this happening to me.

Life is sometimes like this. It has its way of making you laugh and cry. It also has its way to make you hysterical or placid. Sometimes it has its humor, and sometimes its humor hurts! It breaks! Sometimes it's just so fair, everything seems to fall into right places, and we all laugh unendlessly! However and whatever it may be, there is something to learn... always.

It's like weathering a rock formation-- it can change, or add something to who you really are. As for me, I changed! It etched in me humility. I got a deeper understanding of... love and forgiveness.

But you said, Love is not a destiny. It's a choice!
Yes, I see, and it's true. Everything we do is a matter of choice.
But Newton is also right when he said that in every action, there is an equal or opposite reaction.
Even our choices have equivalent reactions. It's up to us how to bear them! Tama ba ako?
...but our choices are hanging in the air.

Between us is a river with a bridge, none of us can't go up to the other side, because the bridge is broken.
Between us is a giant wall that separates us from even merely our views of each other. Only our voices can be heard!

Life is sometimes like this.

Acceptance is a must if we want to survive;
the right choices, if want to stay happy;
and prayer if we want to keep on moving.

Do not worry, life doesn't end here...

Ours is a Koreanovela

2007-07-07T09:31:00.000+08:00

Eicher...

for a short period of time, you add happiness to my secluded world.

for a short period of time, you add laughters to my smiles... yet you said, my eyes can't hide what's in my heart!

Yeah! for a short period of time, my organized schedule and life was broken... by you... to add meaning to my routine!

for a while, I have learned to crossed boundaries and bridges I've never crossed before!

for a while, I have tasted how it is to be free.

for a while, I have known what a wonderful person you are!.... and it's worth my tears!

for a while, I have known how it is to be sweetly loved.... yeah, for you are a sweet person!

who would forget you?

maybe I wouldn't, even if I go a thousand miles away!

for a short period of time, I could say that I bacame a fool.

but it's worth it!

shall we be content in merely glancing at each other?

shall we be content in merely seeing through small chances of looking at each' image in our minds?

but ours is in the wrong time!

in a wrong time!

it's like a koreanovela,

that happened in the wrong time!

and what good will ever come out in a situation that happened in a wrong time?

..... just memories.

( i hope you could read this, so you will know how deep the pain is.)

sa aking mga bisitang mambabasa: pakiusap lang po, walang kokontra! akin 'to! basa na lang kayo or makiiyak na lang! pagbigyan na lang!

These Guys...

2007-06-30T22:47:00.000+08:00

Dominic Roco - a bilao of rice biko and relyenong bangus!

At 7 o'clock in the morning of June 29, this sweet guy asked me if I like to eat biko? I said yes! And by the 11th am, a bilao of special malagkit rice biko and 6 relyenong bangus were delivered handcarried to my office! I was stunned! OMG! I thought Dom's joking! He was not! All my employees were kilig to the bones! Followed by a text : " Nagustuhan mo ba ang padala q sau? Kinain mo ba?". Oha!!!

Mamatay sila sa inggit!

Eihcer - "love is a choice. Destiny is a lie."

" when a guy calls you, he wants to be with you.
when a guy is quiet, he's listening to you.
when a guy stares at you, he wishes you would care about him and wonders if you do.
when a guy calls/texts/comments on you everyday, he is in love!
when a guy tells you he loves you, he means it!
when a guy says, "I miss you!", he misses you more than you could have ever missed him in
anything else."

He does the every "when".

Alex- " love is a destiny."

He believes that love is a matter of destiny designed by the Almighty for every person living on earth. So even if he loves you so much, he will forget about you when he learned you're not his destined partner to be!

He extends covenant friendship where a friend will be willing to die for his friend if necessary!

He's my covenant-friend!

Rein - " not everyone is blessed with everything."

He's successful in every endeavor yet finds himself not blessed in love!

He's also my covenant-friend!

Gary - " love is something to enjoy about."

He believes that if you failed in your relationship, it's not always the end! You can still enjoy it! He learns fast in love and fun. He's always there, silently lurking around my celphone connection, always wondering why my phone's busy or not available!

He's also my covenant-friend!

Macmac- " success lies within."

Don Makoy wishes to be rich and famous! Very industrious! Always finding the secrets to success and I believe he has found the one!

He's also my covenant-friend!

Mark - "say what you mean and mean what you say."

He taught me that women should be open with their minds, saying what's in it so men won't misunderstood them! He taught me to be frank about my feelings and my thoughts. Not to be afraid of what's in my mind. That there is freedom and peace in it! But he's gone now! I wonder if he will come back again?

Jhomar- " it's human to commit a mistake."

He's afraid to fall!! Yet, all along he taught me that it's o.k. to commit mistakes. That it's healthy so you will learn! That mistakes is part of our existence and we should not be afraid of them!

These are the guys who shook my world!

" Dominic"

2007-06-22T00:13:00.000+08:00

Dominic was a stranger who landed on my cellphone, through a mistaken identity situation, on a hot, tensed and tiring Sunday afternoon of June. I had no idea that this person is a "someone" in showbizness because of his father's legacy! I didn't even know that this guy exists because I don't usually watch television except for news and english movies I prefer to watch. My confusion as to this mistaken identity led him to find out how my number got into his brother's celphone. I thought that was a short moment. And I thought this man was just pretending to be what he claimed to be: the son of a legendary actor!

I called that day a shot! All things forgotten including this "Dominic".

While trying to find my way along J.P. Rizal Avenue, Dominic sent me a message. And this went on everyday up to this day. No period of the day that he stopped sending me messages, even while in classes ( for he's attending his Mass Communication classes in Mapua), in shootings, in tapings, even in practices for the SOP opening numbers! He lets me know his ways to and fro! I know if he's sick, or busy, or simply tired, or irritated!

We became best friends!

Our friendship was already put to the test. It is good that we always end up forgiving one another, as if nothing happened, our friendship continues.

Day after day, I came to know Dominic. He's a sweet person but hesitant to show his feelings. You see him on tv as out-going and funny, but in real life, he's quiet and "torpe". He hates noise and loud voices. He dislikes women who are loudmouthed and "maarte". He likes simple women who can talk to him about everything and anything. A woman who can make him laugh is a plus to him. The best I like in him is his humility. He's quick to admit his fault and to say " I'm sorry.". And he will make you feel that you're important to him! He's also a perfectionist man, responsible and punctual, loyal to his commitments and hates laziness!

But that's not all with Dominic. There are a lot of beautiful things about him!

And wishes too. He wishes to be free! Free from public scrutiny! Free to move about! Free to be himself! It's not easy to be in showbizness, he said.

Oh, that's true, even I can feel it!

Did I already come face to face with Dominic? Not yet! Our time and work can't permit us to do so but promised to be one day. Oh, but am scared! Scared to see him!

If I will assign him a color in my world, I will give him my favorite color "Black"! Because you need to unlock him to get to know him, and when you do, you'll discover that he's more than meets the eye!

I hope our friendship will last a lifetime!

Friends come, Friends go in life

2007-06-06T10:27:00.000+08:00

"....someone to hold,
someone to cry,
someone who'll make me feel all right..."
-Maybe
jolina magdangal

It's a fair day since Sunday, only got a little unfair yesterday when a supposed friend dropped me off from his list of friends! Shukss! Naiyak ako! My frustration seemed triggered the sky... it thundered, and caused a 3 minutes brown out in our area, shut down my cpu while I forgot to saved the documents I was working on! I was kinda "brought back to my senses" when the brown out stroke!I paused for a while and controlled my frustration and sama ng loob.

I've talked about "rejection" last month, and a friend of mine who's a training facilitator, said he's given an assignment to discuss this topic scientifically and medically to his bunch of trainees. We have discussed the underlying factors, misconceptions and treatment of "rejection" in the YM. Well, I was given a taste of it, perhaps so I could put to a test everything I have contributed in our discussion of this topic, "rejection".

A friend go, some friends come! The heaven always has its way of cheering me up! I gained a friend from Mindanao, who's honest enough to admit who he is and accept whatever is in my profile! And I'm also glad to be a textmate to a celebrity, which is not a product of Sun promo offer, but of a mistaken identity. The story how he landed on my phone is hilarious but it's like a drop of rain on my very exhausting Sunday afternoon! My laughter echoed to the community, the tribespeople looked at me with amazement exclaiming " teacher, ok lang po kau? masaya po kau?". Nobody likes to believe me that its true. Maybe because its difficult to trust a text message, coz you can't see who's on the other side. Madaling gawin 'yan! But nevertheless, I"m still proud that my range of friendships is getting wider. We've been texting now for 3 days, informing me where he is and what he's doing. And telling me what's in his mind!

This afternoon, I'd go 3kms walk to the seashore to get into a banca into the nearby island where my work is. Go back by 6pm. I hope this time, the banca will be fine, coz yesterday its almost "abandon ship!" in the middle of the bay for the 3 of us who gone by the island! Buti na lang di uso ang sharks ngayon dito sa amin! I don't know how to swim, but the irony of life is, I was called to work in the communities of "water people" who are like dolphins when they're in the water!

This is life... I believe we should enjoy it, with its pains and sorrows. Not to, is to deprive ourselves of its essence!

2007-06-02T22:57:00.000+08:00

it took me 30 minutes or more before i finally decided to write a post. my rational mind is battling againts the logic of my right brain! ...and a part of me is hurting.

but still, i got some things in my "pocket":

1. cacti are good anti-goat attack! ( re-planted cacti this morning near the fences to protect the herbs am planning to plant. I ended up pulling tiny thorns from my hands which my near-sighted eyes can't see!)

2. there are a lot of women in the world, and they're not the same with each other. No two women are alike, but luckily, the one similarity which guys must take note in order to succeed wooing a woman: their moves are predictable though most of the times confusing. (a friend of mine interviewed me about women and their reactions. cguro may naiispatan na ang mokong na ito?)

3. in a wardrobe, the shoes is the most important one! (I turned down a dinner-fellowship at Hotel Fontefino because I forgot to buy shoes which is appropriate for my dress! shukss! )

4. defense mechanisms cushioned the ego againts pain. ngekss!! ( i can't believe am sourgraping:" well anyway the dinner's for married couples, am not one. am single. so ok lang.) grrrr!

5. masarap na sawsawan ng manggang hilaw ang toyong may crushed 5 pcs siling labuyo, a pinch of sugar and a sprinkle of vinegar!

my rational mind is still battling againts the logic my right brain, and a part of me is still hurting.

i think i need a vacation!

in my mind

2007-06-02T00:45:00.000+08:00

" I will do everything I can until my destiny is finally revealed! If it'll takes a lot of hardships, so be it!"

- Tom Cruise

"the Last Samurai"

this poem,RAC,the wedding and me

2007-05-30T00:08:00.000+08:00

Do I need to go out to the grounds
to know if the rain is already here?
Do I need to pause for a while
to feel that I"m forgetting something?
Do I have to beg for the time to speed up its hands,
So I could catch up with you in the clouds?

Am I just a dreamer ? or I'm a fool believing?
A wishful thinking? What could I be?
Shall I stop knowing? Shall I cease from waiting?
Shall I stop believing? Something you do not know.

At sunset, the waves return to the sea, the birds to its nests.
The man to his home.
Shall I remain standing here, still believing
For something none of us have ever known.

It's already Alba-a subo!( Wednesday morning). Still awake. My tiredness won't leave me! So I do this blog.

I left Batangas yesterday at 5:30am to go to the RAC of the DSWD in Manila City Hall, to claim 2 Badjaos who were mistaken as beggars in Pier,Manila. They went to the Pier to fetch some relatives from Davao. After showing some documents, they were released to me. Cries, hugs and kisses melted down my hunger and fatigue. They were like little children clinging to my arms as we walked along LRT to the bus station with all eyes on us! My best friend who's with me can't believe that it's happening.

It's part of my work. Am not a social worker. Inside the RAC, I thought, I should have taken that course- Social Work.

After bringing the badjaos to the bus, and made some requests to the bus conductor for them, I asked my friend if we could go to the NSO to authenticate my birth certificate, but the rain came in the way! I thought, perhaps it's not yet time for me to get a license, since it'll take 3 days for the NSO to authenticate a docu. I'll be very late for the filing due of documents for the licensure examination. Surely I'll miss it! So I shifted gear- I'll take my M.A. instead if I will not be enrolled in the mission school this August in Mindanao. And get a license next year! Di naman mukhang magulo, ano? Parang lang!

Am still thinking of our school. Still up to now. Am getting a headache because of it! Now, I can appreciate being an employee. No headaches! You just have to contend with the boss, but when 5pm strikes, you go home and forget about your job, come again tomorrow.

At 8am Salasa (Tuesday), I enrolled to a public school my 13 badjao pupils, all first time in a public school. I, one by one introduced their mothers to the teachers and show where the classrooms are. I hope things will get well the whole school year for them!

By 2pm, I was in a wedding ceremony of 2 young badjaos in the tribe an island away from ours. This is the 2nd badjao wedding I attended. The wedding prelude takes 3 days of non-stop dancing and eating! I was there during the baysanan ( bridal shower & stag party combined). I've never seen so many huge round trays filled with different kinds of bread and the whole tribe's got to eat all the food! I also have never seen such display of jewelries, real gold, worn by the couple, the family and the guests! All guests have to dance the igal, their native dance. And of course, I danced! I received panggi (where other guests put money on your fingers while you dance). There are so many people, all badjaos! The food are not like ours except for the pancit. But they are okay to eat. Besides I need to eat them whether I like it or not. And you have to eat them kamayan! Their culture on acceptance is so sensitive. And I've never experienced such a feeling of being honored as a wedding guest! I like their culture! I like the malong! And the igal dance is regal! They are poor but they have a rich culture! I learned the igal so well, the wearing of malong is something I can't perfect! I can't learn the female waist fold. So I use the male waist fold which always earn a remark from my mom," ano ka lalaki?"

By 5pm, I tried to review words I learned in sinama, (badjao's dialect). And sang some sinama songs so I won't forget the intonations and of course, the words.

By 9pm, I opened my e-mail inbox to check for mails. An e-mail stroke me. It says, "There are 2 women within a woman: one is the socially acceptable woman, and the other is the natural woman. Both in a woman. very few women know this. It is rare to find a woman who can nurture her natural self without hurting her socially acceptable self and keeping it safe.". Hmmmm.

By 11pm, my head spun after knowing and analyzing that I over-withdrawn money from one of the bank accounts of my daddy! My dad yelled on the other side of the broadband, "Ano??!!!".... Ouchh!!!

I have to go to Bulacan today at 5am. Mission? Mangaral ng kapatid na naho homesick kaya umuwi ng Pinas ng walang nakakaalam! (added secret mission: watch Shrek 3. Ha ha ha!)

OMG!! What a day!!

*************************************************************

To those who gave their comments about my blog in teen talk! Thank you very much! Mwah! Mwah! mwah!

*************************************************************

Oh yeah, I finally watched Pirates of the Carribean: At World's End. Sorry to myself, I only understood what the East India Trading is trying to do in the movie. I can't understand the Calypso thing. What does it got to do with the story? I"ve watched all Pirates but I didn't get it! But I can't forget the wedding scene of Elizabeth & Will, and Will becoming the destined captain of the Dutchman....

" Captain forever"

*************************************************************

I sing this love song:

Pakale maka pinaheya. Masulga maka madunya.
Iya kamemon du makaasadya.
P'nno iya sin lasa
M'bal magka pinda,
O'mma kalangan ku, sin lasa nu.

( Oh, let heaven & earth hear, I want everyone to know:
That my love for you never ceases....)

2 mugs of coffee and 6 donuts

2007-05-26T23:26:00.000+08:00

It's been another very busy day! I'm a little bit frustrated becoz it's Shrek 3 na, & still I haven't watched Pirates of the Carribean! Grrrrr! When will I have the "time"? I hope the heavens will spare me a day before summer ends in Thursday, bka magkatotoo wish ko, e,I'll be needing a free time.

I'm supposed to sleep early tonight but I can't. It's my 2nd mug of coffee & my 6th donut! I can't help but think about the word, "rejection". Why do some people prefer a kind of person and reject another? Why can't everybody accept everyone not for the sake of love, but for the sake of " being human"?

It hurts to be rejected specially if the reason is as simple as your physical appearance, or your status in life! No wonder why some people tend to lie about who they are! Tend to hide behind a character! Why can't we see the essence of ourselves and other people's? If we do that, then nobody will cry.Nobody will build defense mechanisms.

But still I can't understand.

I learned this from reading the book of John and Romans : " God loved us not because we could love Him, but because we can't. He loved us because it's His choice, and nobody can do something about that. It's better to love without any reason, because if there are reasons why we love someone, if those reasons fail, then we stop loving. Loving someone simply because it's your choice and not because of any reason, last till eternity. You love a person based on yourself not on him or her.... and there is no law againts it.

sorry po for writing this one as parang sermon on the mount.

i wish my summer wish will come true.

2007-05-24T23:25:00.000+08:00

After 3 days, I'm back!

Those were tiring days! I spent those days working in the office, not paper works but manual job! Because no male employee in sight! My muscles ache up to now! The massages I got did not suffice!

I missed the Pirates, the dinner date, the malling, and the Rizal Park! Someone blurted out, "hey tsong, wait ka na ng bf mo sa Luneta, buhat ka pa ng buhat ng tables dyan!". (My bf in Luneta is none other than the man who doesn't know how to sit down--- JR... Jose Rizal!). Those pesky jokes just earn from me a laugh! Anyway, I like the park, more than any other park! Because it's big and wide, and near the bay, with a very senti sunset, green grass, fresh air, taho in the evening, and an open heaven! Relaxing... for me. Whenever I'm sick, tired and petitioning God for something, my friend brings me there.

The night before I go, lying on my bed with the t.v. on, a preview of the show, Here Comes the Bride flashed on the screen. I learned it's a competitions for couples about to wed. But the fat bride caught my attention, who's crying out, " bakit ako? ayoko...". I asked the people in the house, "is she a bride?" ( she's wearing a wedding gown!). I blurted out, " huh? bride siya? what do you know...". She's lucky, I thought. She's got a guy and she'll get marry! I wonder what's in her that made her through the isle? I've got beautiful friends, all professionals, but all guy-less!It's not because they shun guys, but because no guy is courting them!

I wonder what female qualities do really men like? Qualities that will click to men that will move them to court a woman? A male friend once said to me with a high tone after asking him if he likes beautiful & sexy ladies: " What will I do with a beautiful face?". That guy is good looking and intelligent... and she loves girls! Aahhh...

It's still a puzzle to me specially when I learned from a survey that the female-male ratio now a days is 8:1 ( 8 females to 1 man!). Napaka swerte ng mga lalaki! No wonder why many women today fall in-love so easily, even with married guys! The world is running out of men! OMG!!! To think of it that most eligible men now are either taken or gay!

I departed from thinking about it! Besides, it's not a problem to me. Ha ha ha ha!

4am, I headed south. And off I go with a promise I'll be back by June 11. My prayer went again, that God will give me a good-looking male seatmate who will not move a bit but only watch the movie on video. Answered prayer! I was able to sleep in the bus!

Something came up to my window : a black butterfly! on a moving bus? Premonition?

I arrived here in Batangas, 10am. After wearing my langit-langit malong ( a malong half-leg lenght pants with tassles and beads on the hemline), off to work I go. A young man yawned as I teach, and said he's tired , got a slam from me, " Kung pagod ka na, ano tawag mo sa akin?!". So I was able to finish my lesson.

Checking on my e-mail and my friendster, my tiredness ran down like water to my legs: Mark is still alive, but still in his " silent" mode, and Jhomar is still pushing for the hamsters to rule! I can't believe myself! nahh!

My phone still rings at 12:40am. Friends checking me out if I"m okay, busy or nagbibisi-bisihan lang, and why am still awake?:

Thank you Lord for my friends who keep me company always, who care, who support, who give me headache as well as tummy ache, and who's always there specially in times like this. Take care of them, Lord and give them long life so all of us will always have fun times together! Amen.

" Looking Up the Picture"

2007-05-20T17:55:00.000+08:00

Before I go, my eyes caught my parents' picture near the door of the room. I intentionally nailed it there when I re-arranged the house. Though I put it there, I don't usually look at it, only now... it's my daddy's face which I don't want to look at!

My dad's 60 years old already but he's still able and good looking. Half of my features' from him, specially my chinita eyes. He's strict and perfectionist, a frustrated military man. We had many hard & difficult times, always at odds with each other, that's when I was in college. Nobody can't believe, even my mom that I would be his successor, (because I have 3 brothers). When I accepted this job, which is his job, and work with him, everyone in the family have their fingers crossed! Dad & I have exactly opposite personalities!

But all things worked well with the two of us. I can't believe he has trusted me so much, even with all his personal bank accounts! Maybe because both of us have "grown" with age. Maybe because both of us have realized how "beautiful" each of us is. Maybe because my dad have realized that in most part of my life, I am right. And maybe because I, too have realized that no matter what I do, wherever I may go, he is my dad.

In our family, it's not a practice to say or show expression of love. Concern,yes! But to say it,.... nahhh! ( I've beaten that in my personal life! I express!) ... In this blog, I honestly say, I appreciate my dad! I missed the big guy of our house! I can't help shouting at his picture, where he's smiling so gentle, " daddy, uwi ka na! ( gusto ko magbakasyon!)". Hu hu hu hu! And say to him in our conversation in yahoo messanger that, " miz ya, dad! Uwi ko!". He will just say, "Ok, wala na?". But he posts messages for me everyday in my e-mail !

If ever he will read this, I know what he'll give me..... a pat on my head. no words! But I
say, my daddy is a great father! A lot of people love him! And I miz him.... : )

heat, coffee and wishes

2007-05-18T16:50:00.000+08:00

It's a very hot day!! Adding worst to it is the smell of LPG coming from the Shell Refinery nearby!! It's only 5kms away from our community. It's burning petroleum day and night, everyday! It triggered my asthma! I'm so glad I was able to bring my ventolin gun. I pumped 2 shots to my throat, no effect! I can feel the lack of oxygen in my body. I pumped in again another 2 shots. I became "groge", but I was still able to call in my trainees and give them their assignments before I decided to confine myself inside the airconditioned room in the house and rest.( My dad managed to have an aircon here for such a time as this.). I resent this ! I am alone here, its been 3 weeks now since my mom & dad went to Japan...and I feel sick! I have no cooked food in the fridge, all raw, and I can't get off my bed. Worst, am hungry!! I missed my mom! nyah!

I woke up at 2pm. Feeling okay na. Opened the computer and read the blogs of my links! After that, I tried to work on my notes again, and do some reading on Jim Cymbala's book "The Life God Blesses" (The secret of enjoying God's Favor). It's the 2nd book I read written by him. The other one is "Breakthrough Prayer". Both books are so good, timely and real! I did them while having my undying coffee and otap! I bought a can of otap 3 weeks ago. And the coffee... its 3 packs for 3 weeks, all gone now! I bought another one yesterday. Am becoming coffeeholic again drinking 4 to 6 mugs a day! kasalanan ng otap!!

I was able to break away from this coffee and softdrinks for 5 months, I guess. I learned to take choco drinks, milk, yogurt drinks , cereal drinks, juices and sorts to replace coffee. I did for 5 months, but these 3 weeks, the habit came in again! I only noticed it now. I can already hear what Rico, (a friend from Pluto), will yell to me at the phone when he learn am on the "mug" again. (He calls every week just to find out if am continuing on the milk habit. ). Coffee really tastes so good, specially brewed! no milk! It relaxes me! Having coffee under the banana tree, looking at the star- studded sky while thinking about what I have done and said the whole day.... utterring a short "thank you" prayer to God above,.... what more can you ask for in a simple life like this? It's like you have everything already.

Perhaps, that's the only thing I want in life.... a simple life... no complications... no pressures... out of my complicated life.

I'll go to Bulacan by Monday. Be back by Wednesday. I can now go to the dinner invitation I have next week, play R.O.S.E. with Pasaway Sexy, watch Pirates of the Carribean with friends, visit Rizal Park ( sana magawa ko pa.) and do some office works in the school where am connected. Am not a teacher. (defensive!) am often mistaken as one.

My wishes for today: That the Lord will bless my intentions and grant my requests of school supplies for our children in the community, and medicines for the people. That the rain will come on time.

2007-05-17T22:25:00.000+08:00

The past days were loaded with work and I have to cope up with the fatigue by sleeping the nights through.

I said it's difficult to work in the midst of people you don't know, who are not of your kind. Though am happy about my work, I also encounter unlikely experiences like not being obeyed when I give commands simply because I'm a woman! Though my friends labeled me as "darna!", my darnatic charm sometimes doesn't work here. Muslims whether ethnic or not, regards women as 'low, lesser sex, nothing", though my commands are for their own good. I was passed by, ignored, as if I am not talking nor existing! Naiyak ako huh! Many vengeful thoughts get into my mind, but the angel on my right said, "think it over!". My ego said, I"d better go home, but my professional side said, " you got commitments, you should finish this job.".

May the good Lord blesses me with a patience as long as the South Luzon Expressway!

I can't hold back my tears, I shut the door of the mission house so no one would know I cried.

I remember a friend who seems to have a link to my mind, he knows if I'm in trouble or not feeling good: he calls up! Asking agad if I"m o.k.

He taught me to express what's exactly in my heart, and say exactly what's in my mind without fear! He taught me to be frank and honest about my feelings. Because women, he said, are not honest about their feelings. Women say the opposite of what's in their mind, so men find it difficult to understand them.

But he's not around. I don't know if he's gone or simply hybernating, soaking himself in the t.v. watching cartoons and listening to symphonies and fulfilling his motto : " my moves are unpredictable!".

I hope he'll call and show up one day! I wish.

A girl friend chat with me, saying she's brokenhearted, and she misses me... my company and my jokes. Hirap daw pala mag-isa! Well I said, "it's true.". And ask me to help her find a replacement, for a serious commitment, to end up her misery and sadness. I said yes and gave her an advice: Go to a mall. Find a seat where you can see everyone. While sitting look at the men passing by you and look particularly at the handsome guys. Look at them as if you're reading a mag. After 30 minutes, you'll find your brain cells alive again! It's a therapy! Your sadness will be lessened. Do it always, and you'll find yourself gotten over your bf!!

Well, believe me, it's effective!!

A friend told us once... Snooky, our dear friend said: If you will fall in-love, don't give your 100%, only 50%. The other 50% is for yourself. So when you break away from each other, you won't end up miserable! You must leave the other 50% to yourself, so you can move on right away after the break up. Remember, she said, you cannot love others if you don't love yourself.

She's right!

Another friend also said : If you will love giving your 100%, the pain will be insurmountable! (lalim!) And in case of break up, and find another one, what more can you give to the new one when you have given it all to the old one? You're already drained of yourself!

He's also right!

Time for a cup of coffee...

Today

2007-05-14T22:50:00.000+08:00

Today, is election day! and here goes the "barakos" of batangas who's running for offices, w/ their people in the gates of the precints asking who you voted for? A wrong answer will earn a "uh uh uh!", with their forefingers speaking out " that's bad kid!"

Since we are in a hot spot ( becoz our communities are endorsing a candidate,..secretly.), we devised a way so our votes will be secured ( we hope so!) : my community who knows how to read and write assists the other communities who don't know how, (in-spite of the panananga ng mga teachers sa amin na ayaw papasukin ang mga assists, we insisted, reciting the rules... wala silang nagawa!) and nobody will speak Tagalog or English, kahit ako, we will speak sinama which no tagalog understand, only us!... Well, mine is sinama for beginners!

We also voted solid for mama Vilma S! Magaling naman talaga! and the rest? wala na kaming pakialam, di na namin kayang isulat lahat!! For our people who have such a simple mind and very simple existence on earth, the senatoriables & others are very, very difficult to know and to remember. They don't have time to listen to many campaign jingles, or read posters because they can't read or write, what they care is "sino ang mabait? sino ang pumapansin sa amin?sino ang totoong nakakatulong sa amin?"

After the tiring day, my assists & I passed by SM and did some gaming in Quantum. My students (the assists) were doing well in gaming, and they are no longer ashamed to stroll in SM . Before, they are ashamed becoz the tagalogs looked down on them, and abhor them becoz they were once dirty, filth-smelling beggars, illiterate and very,very poor! But now, our labours have been rewarded, teaching them for 7 years now, they are now literate, no longer beggars but having descent jobs as pearl sellers and the others are employed outside the community. They dressed like us already and have confidence to face other people not of their own kind. Although their culture remains, a lot has been changed! Am praying that the other communities will follow our footstep as I am pioneering the teaching there.

I received a phone call from my best friend's mom asking my status here. If am not sad or homesicked becoz am alone here, and she wanted me to go to Manila and give me a treat this weekend. Phonecalls like this one shatter the sadness of being alone in a strange place where the people are not like you. So am planning to go to Manila before weekend so I could make habol to watch spiderman. But am darn excited to watch The Pirates of the Carribean. And am gonna buy kids' movies for our kids here to watch.

I made-over our house, the mission house, so it will bear my trace. So I could sleep better at night. And most of all to find the toki who's bugging my sleep every 1am in the morning with his sound! Well, my carpenter wannabees found the poor 5 inches toki as if they're hunting for a croc! killed the 5 inches toki with a kris and a broomstik!! hay naku!! Akala ko ba ang lahi ninyo ang pumatay kay Magellan, bakit toki lang para kayong papatay ng giant buwaya?!My laughs!!

( toki - tag. "tuko"; eng.? ewan ko ba, nakalimutan ko na.)

I ended up my day threatening the guy who's bugging me for 2 days now with his frequent but senseless phonecalls, disturbing my work , becoz he has nothing to do! I raise my voice and said, " if only I could reach out my hands to you, I want to squeeze your neck and pound you like a lice! Ang kulit mo!Di ako namimigay ng picture! Di ako artista!". Of course, my students threw me their wide- eyed look.... "bayolente din pala si teacher!"

If only I could say, am waiting for a phonecall from someone I misses a lot, yet not missing me at all!! Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

2007-05-12T23:35:00.000+08:00

It's a busy day & am doing 2 chores at the same time (always like that).Thanks to the people who helped! When my phone rang, someone from Davao del Sur, asking if he could sing me some songs! (what?I can't believe it! who is this??) Well, he said he heard my voice & kinda mesmerized by it! (haba ng hair ko!) And believe it or not, kinantahan nga ako!!! 3 songs pa!! talaga naman!! with accompaniment pa! harana ba ito??

Well, I can't blame him. Di siya nag-iisa! When I worked as an assistant dj to my friend in a local radio station, I got fans mostly men, who paid visits to the station only to exclaimed, "Ikaw si Chai??" Hmmmp......

I watched Shallom Jerusalem from my dad's archive, its a concert. very touching. reviving. I watched it over & over again...

...a song goes like this:

In Your presence, that's where I am strong,
In Your presence, O Lord,my God.
In Your presence,that's where I belong,
Seeking your face, touching your grace,
In the cleft of the rock, in Your presence
O God.

I want to go where the rivers cannot overflow me,
where my feet are on the rock.
I want to hide where the blazing fire cannot burn me....
In Your presence O God.

I want to hide where the flood of evil cannot reach me,
where I'm covered by the blood.
I want to be where the schemes of darkness cannot touch me..
In Your presence O God.

i cried....... hard..........

baruch haba b'shem Adonai.

2007-05-11T22:50:00.000+08:00

listening to: I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing by aerosmith (my song!)

Been so busy in the past 2 days, but not in the mood,kinda melancholic. Kahit naman siguro sino mapunta sa lugar ko, ganito mararamdaman. It's my 2nd week of being home alone!Hirap kumain mag-isa!The ratio of the people here againts me is 100:1, ako ung 1!

I did some politicking these days, making sure the whole tribe will correctly vote for our bet.Cook jelos for the kids,visit the people and make kumusta, make a hundred bookmarks for the sponsors of the kids, arrange the kids' enrollment to a public school nearby, update my report for the sponsors,train, shovel the sand in-front of our house (sakit ng bicep ko!),do my shopping & do some paperworks for the school which I must send through e-mail.I did all these things melancholically yet perfect!

I only laughed when the school called me up & told me that a "papable" teacher is applying for a position!It was stressed enough that made me blurted out laughing! Honestly I prefer good looking employees,(its just a suggestion to the HRD), because the kids nowadays are naughty, specially in schools.. & the female employees must be inspired to work! ganda ng logic ko, pang nerd!..... and Ram called up, a friend from outerspace!

While working, these things popped up in to my mind: wala lang...
1. You can only be hurt if you allow yourself to be hurt. You can be happy if you want to be.Pain and happiness are both choices.
2. Don't do anything becoz of what other people might think of you. Be in-charge of your life.Destiny is a choice. It's a decision.
3. Don't dwell on your past mistakes. To dwell on it will crash your creativity & you won't be able to move on.
4. Focus on what I want-- should be my mindset!
5. In order to harvest 500 apples, you need to plant 10 apple seeds. To sell a product, you need to talk to 50 clients; and to meet your someone special, you need to meet 1000 acquaintances! Nakakailang acquaintances na ba ako? Ha ha ha ha!
I don't know why I remembered these. I wrote them once in my journal. Madalas ako matisod ngayon mga araw na ito. A friend of mine said," somebody doesn't want you to move on.Somebody's blocking your way & you're sensing it!" Oww!
time to eat watermelons! my favorite fruit! Chow!

2007-05-10T00:08:00.000+08:00

I just finished my dinner, & now havin' my dessert. Too early for breakfast!
I went to Manila yesterday to submit a proposal to World Vision Foundation for the people here at 11am, and talked to a bank loan officer in Bulacan at 2:30pm. Once again, I was Darna (w/o a Ding)! I was thinking of playing "Rose", but I changed my mind, instead I dropped by home. My Aunt thought she saw a ghost when I entered the gate, but then on said, "Ano'ng ginagawa mo dito? Bkit ka nandito?Bkit ka umuwi?" I got a big, "Huh?!" in my mind. "Don't you like to see me? Didn't you missed me?"... Nyahh! Drama!
I enjoyed the night with the "ducktrap" & the "meow meow". But my fun was aborted when I saw my hair on the mirror! "This is what I get from believing my hairdresser! I look like a ghost indeed! So I told I'll cut my hair short again....but I wanted a changed image! Can't decide which, I ran a text survey to my friends : "What do you think, shall I cut my hair short or not?Why?" goes my question in my survey, and I got some responses that pricked my mind:
A: " Cguro wag na lang paputol. Isah might get angry." (Isah is Jesus in Islam. correction, di po ako Muslim.) Ano connect?
R: "Wag u paputol,gusto q sa babae mahaba buhok!" ( Halerr!nag-aapply ba akong gf mo & you want me to please your taste? Excuse me!)
R2: "Mas maganda pahabain mo! ("Do u think bagay sa akin?"I asked.) Hindi! Pro mas maganda mahaba! ska pataba u bocing!"- Grrrrrr!!!!
My staff unanimously voted to have my hair cut. They too,thought I was a ghost when they saw me enter my office! But up to now, here in Batangas, still undecided whether I should pay David Salon a visit. But on my way here, while on the Slex ,I was thinking, "Why do men prefer girls to have long hair? What's in the girl's long hair that makes a man? Curious lang.
I was sporting a very short hair for 10 years. Am trying to make it grow long for a change, to soften my "dating". And it's working! But the looks of it is half Gloria Romero and half Elvis Presley!That's why am "napapraning" bout it!
Got my devotions at 9pm, & here again alone, & it's morning already. I'll do some politicking tomorrow, I mean mamaya.And it's raining na here! I wish the rain will wash away the pains in our hearts and make new seeds of love and joy grow from it! I wish the floods to come will bring to us the people whom God has prepared just for us! I wish our prayers will be heard and answered by our loving God so all of us will be happy!

2007-05-07T15:32:00.000+08:00

It's a rare day....resting on the middle of the day eating melons! My hands are usually filled with things 2 do like working on handcrafts for the sponsors and friends,cooking soups for the kids out there or reading books and modules for my next teaching time. But today is different, I'm resting! Yehey!
I recently talked w/ my Dad via broadband, saying they'll come home by July pa, savoring their vacation in Japan! OMG!! It's the savings account that 1st flashed to my mind... staying in Batangas is more expensive than staying in Boracay!! Totoo yan!Soaring ang prices ng mga bilihin even services! It's better off in Manila! When it comes to people,maraming magaganda at mga gwapo dito, but with some scent of elitism.You can't blame them, it's their Spanish heritage.But they're friendly naman.
We're preparing for the rainy season..so we've done some construction job to keep the huts strong inspite of the storms to come, plant some veggies and herbs for the community because when rainy days come,pearls are not that in-demand.By the way, the people here live by selling pearls and gathering metals from sunken ships in the bay nearby. And while working, I'm thinking:
1. What else can I do to keep the loneliness of aloneness off bay? I defeated the fear of being in the midst of a muslim ethnic minority known for such and such as that, the fear of not knowing how to swim but frequently travelling by banca & the fear of death, but not that above! I haven't!
2. How can I help Akish pass the Mombusho exam?
3. How will the prophetic utterances I received come to pass in my life?
4. Where are my friends? Have they forgotten me?
5. Where is Mark? Is he ok?
6. my pillow.my bed.my spaghetti tops.my shorts and my school.
end of the line.... am already thinking too much & too many! Perhaps a chocolate ice cream will sooth my mind.....

2007-05-05T22:59:00.000+08:00

I travel most of the time. And that's the reason why it's only this time I got into my blog. I frequently make south and north's ends meet.Tiring but it's a time to sit back,on the bus,to think about my life, God & the people that sorrounds me.It's also a time to see places and faces. But it's also a time to test my patience and tolerance, na sa awa ng Lord ay hindi ko maipasa! Specially if the hussle is being a seatmate to a fat lady,whose body shouts like Gengis Khan wanting to invade the rest of the seat, shoving off my slim body with their big thighs!Kulang na lang daganan ako!At pag nag "excuse me po, di po me makahinga.naiipit po ako.", ay di tataasan ka lang ng kilay!(Sarap tusukin ng aspili!) Sana mauso din ang segregation sa mga puv!Kawawa naman ang mga payat!
I arrived in the city here in the South at 6:30pm. So I decided to eat my dinner at SM and did my evening shopping for groceries so I don't need to go back to the city for food when I get to the tribe where I work. And since I am alone, I need to secure my personal needs because it'll take a long time before I get to the city again.
Approaching the place gives me excitement, to see the people, but I also feel the loneliness. As King Solomon puts it," Two are better than one;because they have a good reward for their labor.For if they fall,the one will lift up his fellow;but woe to him who is alone when he fall,for he has not another to help him up."

Think About It?

2007-05-02T23:11:00.000+08:00

"Ur sad becoz u can't have d 1 u love...but wat u don't realize is dat smebody is in deeper pain 4 not havin' u." that's a text! and I received it 4x this week from different people while manning a cooking team ! I texted back 3x "wla na bng iba?" I thought of throwing the thought right away, but I paused for a while and kinda think a little deeper: sometimes letting go should not be that painful pala because that might be heaven's way of directing you to the right person who truly owns you! The realization should have brought me relief-- like a light bulb that turned its light on.But no, instead, nainis ako! Nainis ako, kasi bakit ngayon ko lang naisip iyan at bakit ngayon lang dumating ang text na iyan?!!!

It's summer, and summer is suppose to give me fun and excitement because its cool to do a lot of things and meet people on summer time! But it's not! Instead, the heat of the sun and the dry soil activated my allergic rhinitis! It's disgusting to talk to people with a red nose like rudolf!! But one thing is sure that will linger on in my mind this summer which my old friend once told me that, " men are God's gift to women!" Ha ha ha ha!They are wrapped in different and colorful wrappers, and they are nice to look at. : )