Great Things Here

It's my 3rd day without work. And it's my 3rd day on job hunting in this unfamiliar place of Macau.
Many wondered why I rather give up my school and seek a job in this far place. Why not in the Philippines? Why abroad?
My family also wondered why I chose to take lesser jobs than my position in the Philippines.
Was it because of money?
Or was it because of something else?

Both.

I want to heal myself.
I want to do what I want to do.
I want to be who I must be.
I don't want to think anymore.
I wanted change!
Because I'm already tired!

I know I will come back again to the Philippines but it must be a new me.
And I know now why am resting till the 3rd day:
To realize a lot more deeper things in life.
And am willing to take the risk just to get the new me and my new horizon.

I know for some people my decision hurt. But it'll be for a while. Soon they will understand.


My acknowledgement to the following:

1. God for the 3rd day rest.
2. My friends and family in the Philippines for not texting me.
I had plenty of time to think, re-think and be alone with myself.
3. My brother for the milk tea, refreshing my "diwa" after the long process of realization.
4. Bea Alonzo and Sam Milby for the movie " And I Love You So"
5. Bea Alonzo and John Lloyd for their movie " One More Chance"


My few accomplishments in Macau:

1. Eat longanisa and drink ice tea. (Wala akong magawa, kailangan eh!)
2. Sleep without blanket. ( it's so hot in here! Grabe!)
3. Sleep with just one pillow. (Matipid and brother ko, ayaw bumili ng maraming pillows.)
4. Be in an airconditioned house the whole day! ( beating my allergies away!)
5. Learn computer operations beyond what I already know. (or else, wala akong makakausap at
di makakapag work.).
6. Magtipid

Life is boring when you do not want to extend yourself to your environment. When you want to keep what you know is right but is not right for the moment.

This Sleepless Night

Life is still beautiful in spite of so many negative things around. I am a survivor and will remain a survivor while am alive... and still life for me is beautiful!

I'm sleepless tonight. I'm thinking again.

1. I'm selling my school. I want to pursue my calling.
2. I want to be rich.
3. When will the one for me will come?

That's what in my mind.

I have learned that destiny is a choice and you can control your life, and choose where to go. I have chosen where I want to go and what to do. But many things want me back to my comfort zone. Something "Who moved my Cheese?" said is normal. I don't want there anymore! There is excitement in finding new cheeses!

Walking along the lighted and beautiful streets of Macau in City of Dreams, Venetian and the City itself, I can't help concluding that man's mind seem limitless in materializing whatever is in his imagination. So I said to myself, that I can materialize whatever is in my dreams. I need to make a bridge between my dream and reality, even though I am alone in doing it. Who cares?

Meeting Carol amazed me. She's a teacher in China and only 25 years old, and single. She's done it and I said, I'm not truly alone. There are a lot of people out there like me, and we are many! And the feelings and questions I have are not peculiar- they're real and everyone else's feeling it!
And I began to love myself more and my daughters.

I learned to be braver and stronger... in Macau!

This is just a vacation. How much more if I will stay here longer?

I dream of visiting Israel. I want to go to Jerusalem and see the Wailing Wall in the Western Gate. Why? I want to say my prayers there. The Lord will hear it like a thunder! It's the Wailing Wall, haler!

Days From Now: After the Changes

I am only counting days before I leave for another country. That's how far changes brought into my life nowadays. I can't believe this happen in just less than a month. Am excited to find new horizon and new peace of mind. Though I'll gonna leave so many things behind, am full of faith that bigger things will come my way.

I prayed for changes to happen in my life... but I didn't know that a drastic change will instantly take place in my life in just one night without any known reason at all and reason that I know. I lost the person I value most. My enrollment target didn't make it. So I declared losses this year. Another blow is here again in my family... all results hanging on air.

I needed a change... but not like this.

The sudden change took me in a whirlpool of pain. It's hard to get back on tract again. But my survival instinct is alive- I will survive!

I will because there is a much bigger picture than this someday which I still don't realize now in my mind. But there will be.

Am wearing this mysterious engagement ring again which was found in our room, whose ring size fits only mine. It symbolizes a new morning for me and new doors to get through.

Now am flying again, still in pain but flying. And doors are really opening up. The people and situation who hurt me paved the way for a brand new morning. I thank the Lord because He loves me and is good to me.


Let us see who's gonna laugh at the finish line! Ha ha ha ha!

In Pursuit of Change

I want changes in my life.
I dream of new and big things in my life
because I want to do big things also.
Not just for the people I love,
But also for the people I don't know personally,
And for myself.

I burned my ship to pursue changes,
So I will not look back and doubt,
And fear.
I said, " I will do the best I can, and will not set sail home
Until my mission was accomplished."
But sunsets and weddings, paddling on quiet waters of the bay,
Are like whispers, prompting me,
To build the ship that I have burned behind.

But no.
God has made ways for moving on.
Words of His were spoken, alive and well in my spirit.
There is no room for ashes.
There is no room for whispers.

Bigger things come to those who knows how to open the gates of heaven.
To those who knows what dead to self means.
To the courageous and persistent.
To the dreamer and the doer.
To those who wants to pursue changes.


"For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are My ways higher than your ways,
and My thoughts than your thoughts.

For as the rain cometh down, and the snow from heaven,
and returneth not hither, but watereth the earth,
and make it bring forth and bud,
that it may give seed to the sower, and bread to the eater:

So shall My word be that goeth forth out of My mouth:
it shall not return unto Me void,
but it shall accomplish that which I please,
and it shall prosper in the thing
whereto I sent it."

Isaiah 55:9-11