Great Things Here

It's my 3rd day without work. And it's my 3rd day on job hunting in this unfamiliar place of Macau.
Many wondered why I rather give up my school and seek a job in this far place. Why not in the Philippines? Why abroad?
My family also wondered why I chose to take lesser jobs than my position in the Philippines.
Was it because of money?
Or was it because of something else?

Both.

I want to heal myself.
I want to do what I want to do.
I want to be who I must be.
I don't want to think anymore.
I wanted change!
Because I'm already tired!

I know I will come back again to the Philippines but it must be a new me.
And I know now why am resting till the 3rd day:
To realize a lot more deeper things in life.
And am willing to take the risk just to get the new me and my new horizon.

I know for some people my decision hurt. But it'll be for a while. Soon they will understand.


My acknowledgement to the following:

1. God for the 3rd day rest.
2. My friends and family in the Philippines for not texting me.
I had plenty of time to think, re-think and be alone with myself.
3. My brother for the milk tea, refreshing my "diwa" after the long process of realization.
4. Bea Alonzo and Sam Milby for the movie " And I Love You So"
5. Bea Alonzo and John Lloyd for their movie " One More Chance"


My few accomplishments in Macau:

1. Eat longanisa and drink ice tea. (Wala akong magawa, kailangan eh!)
2. Sleep without blanket. ( it's so hot in here! Grabe!)
3. Sleep with just one pillow. (Matipid and brother ko, ayaw bumili ng maraming pillows.)
4. Be in an airconditioned house the whole day! ( beating my allergies away!)
5. Learn computer operations beyond what I already know. (or else, wala akong makakausap at
di makakapag work.).
6. Magtipid

Life is boring when you do not want to extend yourself to your environment. When you want to keep what you know is right but is not right for the moment.

This Sleepless Night

Life is still beautiful in spite of so many negative things around. I am a survivor and will remain a survivor while am alive... and still life for me is beautiful!

I'm sleepless tonight. I'm thinking again.

1. I'm selling my school. I want to pursue my calling.
2. I want to be rich.
3. When will the one for me will come?

That's what in my mind.

I have learned that destiny is a choice and you can control your life, and choose where to go. I have chosen where I want to go and what to do. But many things want me back to my comfort zone. Something "Who moved my Cheese?" said is normal. I don't want there anymore! There is excitement in finding new cheeses!

Walking along the lighted and beautiful streets of Macau in City of Dreams, Venetian and the City itself, I can't help concluding that man's mind seem limitless in materializing whatever is in his imagination. So I said to myself, that I can materialize whatever is in my dreams. I need to make a bridge between my dream and reality, even though I am alone in doing it. Who cares?

Meeting Carol amazed me. She's a teacher in China and only 25 years old, and single. She's done it and I said, I'm not truly alone. There are a lot of people out there like me, and we are many! And the feelings and questions I have are not peculiar- they're real and everyone else's feeling it!
And I began to love myself more and my daughters.

I learned to be braver and stronger... in Macau!

This is just a vacation. How much more if I will stay here longer?

I dream of visiting Israel. I want to go to Jerusalem and see the Wailing Wall in the Western Gate. Why? I want to say my prayers there. The Lord will hear it like a thunder! It's the Wailing Wall, haler!

Days From Now: After the Changes

I am only counting days before I leave for another country. That's how far changes brought into my life nowadays. I can't believe this happen in just less than a month. Am excited to find new horizon and new peace of mind. Though I'll gonna leave so many things behind, am full of faith that bigger things will come my way.

Doors

The doors that I thought are open are not yet open after all. They're still images. Images of doors.

Shall I open them? Or do I need to beg God to open them for me? Or shall I wait, do nothing, just allowing the time to ripen and open those doors for me?

Those are the questions hanging in my mind.

Doors are opportunities. Doors are chances to a lot of new horizons.

Sometimes, I can't help ask my Creator but later on say sorry for asking questions.
But I can't help it. It's tough nowadays.

I rode the bus and the jeepney "unendlessly" today. Met a friend and then ride again.
I can't help thinking, what must I do?
What scares me?
To make a mistake.
It's but a normal thing to commit a mistake.
A failure might lead to success.
What really scares me?
What shakes my knees?
Because I will do them alone.
Take the chance. Maybe it will work.
No fallback?
It's a whirlwind!

An invitation came: Free bus ride from Manila to Cagayan! What a nice invitation for someone who's not yet done thinking.

I just came back from the South. The rain and the traffic was so heavy on the way here. I was surprised by ...bills!

But am at peace. As usual, I did my ways to make ends meet... to keep us going.

I found:

1. my old friends. they're still my friends!
2. new friends
3. new opportunities
4. open heaven for me

" Those who look up in the sky, day dream. But those who look inside, grow!"
- Carl Jung

I travel most of the time. And that's the reason why it's only this time I got into my blog. I frequently make south and north's ends meet.Tiring but it's a time to sit back,on the bus,to think about my life, God & the people that sorrounds me.It's also a time to see places and faces. But it's also a time to test my patience and tolerance, na sa awa ng Lord ay hindi ko maipasa! Specially if the hussle is being a seatmate to a fat lady,whose body shouts like Gengis Khan wanting to invade the rest of the seat, shoving off my slim body with their big thighs!Kulang na lang daganan ako!At pag nag "excuse me po, di po me makahinga.naiipit po ako.", ay di tataasan ka lang ng kilay!(Sarap tusukin ng aspili!) Sana mauso din ang segregation sa mga puv!Kawawa naman ang mga payat!
I arrived in the city here in the South at 6:30pm. So I decided to eat my dinner at SM and did my evening shopping for groceries so I don't need to go back to the city for food when I get to the tribe where I work. And since I am alone, I need to secure my personal needs because it'll take a long time before I get to the city again.
Approaching the place gives me excitement, to see the people, but I also feel the loneliness. As King Solomon puts it," Two are better than one;because they have a good reward for their labor.For if they fall,the one will lift up his fellow;but woe to him who is alone when he fall,for he has not another to help him up."