Selah

It's 2:30am.... I have to write this bago aq mag expire to sleep and continue with my endless work the next day... in case I forget.

A hot black coffee and mamon is a good way to relax while writing this post, drifting back to many weeks that pass by. Countless disappointments, frustrations, tiredness due to overwork, overplay and over rest ! Over talaga! I became so irritated, cranky, sickly, jealous and  withdrawn... yes, withdrawn! I stayed away from friends and people. . Yes, when you over do things, you will end up with feelings like mine. Until guilt came in because I tend to over react even over simple matters... I felt guilt sipping in coupled with loneliness.... I wanna die! Even in games I capped my taunt, "Pls. kill me." Avatar na lng di pa pinatawad. And I noticed am losing the glow on my skin. My samsonite hair shew some changes that seems to tell me I have to do something.


Our body has the capacity to heal itself along with our capacity to kill it without using any weapon. I slept long. I want to be revive. I went to the church, the songs we sang spoke to my heart,

"yes, I am wrong but I don't have the strength to undo what I did, nor have the strength not to do the things I must not do."

" yes, I know what to do but how will I do it?"

" all I can say is, "Am sorry. I am wrong. please forgive me."

My heart is void of words to say my prayers, that all I can say is.,

"You know me even before time, You know my thoughts and my heart, please understand what I want to say. Am void of words."


And I heard the word, "Selah !" in a command tense.


Selah is a Hebrew word which means  " Pause and Breath "


Take a Selah !, my spirit groans.

I did.

And the Lord said in my heart, as if I am a novice in front of Him. His Word echoed in the place.


There is no sin that God the Father in heaven cannot forgive when you receive Jesus in your heart.
No sin he cannot wash away and no sin stain he cannot make white when you ask His forgiveness through faith in Christ.


God is a father not a taskmaster, nor a judge, instead He Himself made a solution for us to avoid judgement before Him, He sent Jesus to take the judgement and punishment which is supposed to be ours, upon Himself.


And I said, "I'm sorry, forgive me. I am forgetting."  And these words flashed on the overhead screen:


Jesus said, " Come unto Me, ALL you who are weary and are burdened and I will give you REST..."
(Matthew 11:28)


"Come now and let us reason together, says the Lord : No matter how deep the stain f your sins, I can take it out and make you as clean, as freshly fallen snow. Even if you are stained as red as crimson, I can make you white as wool." ( Isaiah 1:18)


I rest my case. I took a Selah..... my long walk became a time to speak with God. I want my old me.


" You are very tired and you have forgotten to sit with Me. Your soul is so weary. You have forgotten that your joy is not on the things that surround you, it is inside your heart where My Spirit is. The normal life you want is not the normal life I designed for you. You will die when you depart from your design. You will wither like the flowers in your vase. I am your air. I am your life. I am your youth. I am your Father." says the Lord.


Rest.

Rest in the Lord.

                                           Christ Commission Fellowhip (CCF), Malolos City

Caught In The Act

I was reading  the passage on John 8: 1-11 of the Bible. It's about a woman caught in adultery by the people. She was brought to Christ who was then teaching before a lot of people. Those who brought the woman aimed to look for a cause to accuse Christ .... and to shame the woman.

I was watching the New Tribes Mission's presentation of the Creation, which is part of the project given to me to interpret on the paper, when I thought about the passage. Two images are playing on my mind at one time : the video of the Creation and the passage... I can imagine the scene, noting in my mind that Christ wrote on the ground while the woman's accusers were talking to Him about the woman. So cool is our Savior.. I thought.

And then with a calm voice, He said - " He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her." and continued writing on the ground.

I wonder what Jesus was writing on the ground?
- the woman's sin?
-the people's sin?
or my name? Hahaha

The passage said, the people who are accusing the woman left. Even the very ones who are listening to Jesus' teachings, left! And there were only the woman and Jesus.

"Where are your accusers? Has no one condemned you?" Jesus asked.
" No man, Lord."  She said
"Go and sin no more." Jesus answered.


The video reached the point, presenting Eve eating the forbidden fruit and their eyes were opened. From that point, all men started to become sinners.  The video opened up to that presentation with :

" God created man out of His great love. He created us to love Him and part of that great love is His giving us the freedom to choose."


Sin has made man accusers and judges. Even our own conscience judge us and accuse us. No one has ever made a perfect life, a perfect attitude, a perfect relationship, a perfect him...
When we commit an evil or a wrong doing.. the tendency is always to seek punishment, be punished or be accused.

Will the hurt never end?

God gave us the freedom to choose, and God gave us also the help if we can no longer hold on because of our choices. That's what I think, is what He wrote on the ground---- a new law! A law setting us free from the punishment of the Law of Moses.  The new law Jesus expressed by saying:

" He who has no sin among you, let him cast the first stone at her."

Jesus didn't condemned the woman, He just forgave her and told her... " Go and sin no more."
You might say-- the woman never asked forgiveness.
Oh, her silence in the midst of shame was enough to admit that she was wrong.She never contests the people's claim. She was ready to accept the stones.

God's unconditional love gave us the freedom to choose. But has His forgiving, longing arms always waiting for us to come back and willing to accept us no matter how grievous our sin may be. His law of love and forgiveness, defies all law !

Why

It's already noon and still I'm sitting here..I have work to attend to but I simply don't want to go to work. It's one of those days again.... I want to hit the road, go North and enjoy the fresh breeze of the northern counties. All I want to do is go places. I am not depressed...am simply is tired...my mind is already tired thinking of things.... a lot of things.

If I will be given another life to live after these...then I have nothing more to wish to do but enjoy the chance of happiness the Lord designed for me. I'd like to see it and feel it and stay with it till the last minute of my time life...the chance to be with someone a much longer time. A someone whom I can call mine.

Is it bad? Is it offending? Nope. I'm so sure it's not. God knows it and He feels the same way we do and He knows what's lacking. Today, am enjoying the gift of freedom. Doing things for my family and other people I do not know. Staking my life for them, forgetting myself. Yes, I have nothing for myself.. I know it! My friends said, set aside for myself...money I guess it must be. But, all I know one day, He will set aside something for me...only for me.

So much for it...it's the wish of all single women in the world...and it's not an ugly wish!

What can I be afraid of? Fear has numb my soul since then..
Why should I be afraid of death? I have died already a lot of times.
Why should I be afraid of being alone? I've been alone since the beginning.
What am I to lose? I have lost everything already.
Why should I hope for more? Because there's more things up there for me.

Love your life..it's a precious gift from God until you know it.

I just came back from the South. The rain and the traffic was so heavy on the way here. I was surprised by ...bills!

But am at peace. As usual, I did my ways to make ends meet... to keep us going.

I found:

1. my old friends. they're still my friends!
2. new friends
3. new opportunities
4. open heaven for me

" Those who look up in the sky, day dream. But those who look inside, grow!"
- Carl Jung

Without Glasses

It's been a month of "seem-like unendless tasks"! I hardly notice that I've been away from this blog the whole month of February! I can't believe it! I've been so very busy pala!

Setting up my new business kept me so busy....


When you look at things using your natural eyes only, shaded by your own principles in life which were molded by your experiences and environment, things look kinda different from looking at things using both the hemisphere of your brains coupled with your heart. Which one is kinder, more understanding and more humane?

Life became tough to me and I can't forget I once faced that crossroad of looking at things in two different ways. And I could say that the second one is far better than the first one. It changed my attitude really, and I became more peaceful.

When you have vision problem and you tried to look at things around you without your glasses, things are blurred. And when you also tried to look at things with just one eye, your focus is affected. And with those challenges at hand, to make an accurate move... better use your instinct or your intuition... like what I'm doing now. Because am typing this write up without glasses!

After All

I'm back after 3 days of "vacation" in Bulacan. I feel so good moving alone, without pressure, without anything that might curve my mood!

I got this so happy day! But in every sun that shine, there will always arise a rain cloud! Shukks! Spoiled my day!
All I have said was, " I need space!".
It's an alien word to me, but for the first time I crave for it!

I have my share of spolied day! But its so nice to have someone beside you to tell you, " Don't mind it. Be strong! Think about only the good things that has happened to you!"
Yeah, he's right!
And I felt good!

I have learned a lot this day.

1. To be unmoveable, you need to have a lot of guts to stand on what you believe is right and hold on to it until the result that you want is realized!

2. "Today, I am alive, and the whole world is mine."

3. Love is a choice.


eicher,
thank you for being there.