Selah

It's 2:30am.... I have to write this bago aq mag expire to sleep and continue with my endless work the next day... in case I forget.

A hot black coffee and mamon is a good way to relax while writing this post, drifting back to many weeks that pass by. Countless disappointments, frustrations, tiredness due to overwork, overplay and over rest ! Over talaga! I became so irritated, cranky, sickly, jealous and  withdrawn... yes, withdrawn! I stayed away from friends and people. . Yes, when you over do things, you will end up with feelings like mine. Until guilt came in because I tend to over react even over simple matters... I felt guilt sipping in coupled with loneliness.... I wanna die! Even in games I capped my taunt, "Pls. kill me." Avatar na lng di pa pinatawad. And I noticed am losing the glow on my skin. My samsonite hair shew some changes that seems to tell me I have to do something.


Our body has the capacity to heal itself along with our capacity to kill it without using any weapon. I slept long. I want to be revive. I went to the church, the songs we sang spoke to my heart,

"yes, I am wrong but I don't have the strength to undo what I did, nor have the strength not to do the things I must not do."

" yes, I know what to do but how will I do it?"

" all I can say is, "Am sorry. I am wrong. please forgive me."

My heart is void of words to say my prayers, that all I can say is.,

"You know me even before time, You know my thoughts and my heart, please understand what I want to say. Am void of words."


And I heard the word, "Selah !" in a command tense.


Selah is a Hebrew word which means  " Pause and Breath "


Take a Selah !, my spirit groans.

I did.

And the Lord said in my heart, as if I am a novice in front of Him. His Word echoed in the place.


There is no sin that God the Father in heaven cannot forgive when you receive Jesus in your heart.
No sin he cannot wash away and no sin stain he cannot make white when you ask His forgiveness through faith in Christ.


God is a father not a taskmaster, nor a judge, instead He Himself made a solution for us to avoid judgement before Him, He sent Jesus to take the judgement and punishment which is supposed to be ours, upon Himself.


And I said, "I'm sorry, forgive me. I am forgetting."  And these words flashed on the overhead screen:


Jesus said, " Come unto Me, ALL you who are weary and are burdened and I will give you REST..."
(Matthew 11:28)


"Come now and let us reason together, says the Lord : No matter how deep the stain f your sins, I can take it out and make you as clean, as freshly fallen snow. Even if you are stained as red as crimson, I can make you white as wool." ( Isaiah 1:18)


I rest my case. I took a Selah..... my long walk became a time to speak with God. I want my old me.


" You are very tired and you have forgotten to sit with Me. Your soul is so weary. You have forgotten that your joy is not on the things that surround you, it is inside your heart where My Spirit is. The normal life you want is not the normal life I designed for you. You will die when you depart from your design. You will wither like the flowers in your vase. I am your air. I am your life. I am your youth. I am your Father." says the Lord.


Rest.

Rest in the Lord.

                                           Christ Commission Fellowhip (CCF), Malolos City

Climbing Mt. Moriah the 2nd Time

Mt. Moriah was the mountain where Abraham offered Isaac to God, as requested by God to test Abraham. The offering of Isaac did not materialized because God sent a ram in place of Isaac.

Bible teachers use this story to tell about letting go of things when the Lord request it to for reasons we sometimes do not know. Only He knows.

I moved to that "mountain" when I went to China. As the Lord commanded me to. My letting go of the school, and the people who made my life sad, my fears, my pains, and sadness, took place when the airplane took off the ground! There was an amazing peace within! And the Almighty went ahead of me to China!

I was ready then to change my career, my financial and my social status. I took the "silent mode" that made a lot of friends wondered! That silent mode is still on today.

I didn't regret my decision, though a tough one. I can't explain the serenity inside.

When I returned to the Philippines this month, after 2 weeks of going back and forth to the tribe, the heavens shocked me with surprises!

Those that I lost was restored to me by the Lord!

And I can feel that many more will come where I will say to God " Indeed, it is well with my soul!"


There was no substitute offering in Moriah. Only a simple trust and letting go.


"It is well with my soul."

Free!

I took control. I let go of Agatha. When I went back to Manila, offers came to get Agatha and I chose the right person to take it. So I let go of Agatha, and we are now in the process of turning it over. A friend of mine got it.

I took control, pursuing my calling.

I took control, in holding what the Lord promised me...and I have peace now.

I feel free.

It's just a matter of decision to control myself from taking the other way, from being tempted to other offers which I will be the one in control again of Agatha. To control myself from taking over again.

I decided to enjoy my life with what little I have and what calling I have, setting aside the people and things that will lead me away from this. I hold on to the more beautiful things that will come one day, the bigger picture, the better happiness! And i found that "life is much beautiful now than before!".


" and i stand here before You
in wide open wonder
amazed at the glory of You.
the power of heaven,
revealing Your purpose in me,
as i'm reaching for You!"


and I look back along EDSA, and smell the familiar scent again that lingered once in my mind.. there is no tears anymore.


"Lord everyday i need You more,
on wings of heaven I will soar with You..."

Touched by God's Word

" For as the rain comes down, and the snow from heaven, and return not thither, but water the earth, and make it bring forth and bud, that it may give seed to the sower, and bread to the eater:

So shall My word that go forth out of My mouth, it shall not return unto Me void, but it shall accomplish that which I please, and it shall prosper in the thing thereto I sent it.

For ye shall go out with joy, and be led forth with peace..."

Isaiah 55:10-12



" And behold, I am with thee, and will keep thee in all places where thou go, and will bring thee again in this land; for I will not leave thee until I have done that which I have spoken of thee of."

Genesis 28:15



" When you pass through the waters, I will be with You. said the Lord.
Fear not, for I am with you."

Isaiah 43: 2-5



These words came in the time so needful of His assurance. I received the first and 2nd ones during my time of reflection, and the 3nd one through a text from a student of mine.

So my strenght and my endurance continue.



My praise be unto Him, Yeshua T' Adonai !!


note: Yeshua T' Adonai- Hebrew " Jesus Our God"

2 mugs of coffee and 6 donuts

It's been another very busy day! I'm a little bit frustrated becoz it's Shrek 3 na, & still I haven't watched Pirates of the Carribean! Grrrrr! When will I have the "time"? I hope the heavens will spare me a day before summer ends in Thursday, bka magkatotoo wish ko, e,I'll be needing a free time.

I'm supposed to sleep early tonight but I can't. It's my 2nd mug of coffee & my 6th donut! I can't help but think about the word, "rejection". Why do some people prefer a kind of person and reject another? Why can't everybody accept everyone not for the sake of love, but for the sake of " being human"?

It hurts to be rejected specially if the reason is as simple as your physical appearance, or your status in life! No wonder why some people tend to lie about who they are! Tend to hide behind a character! Why can't we see the essence of ourselves and other people's? If we do that, then nobody will cry.Nobody will build defense mechanisms.

But still I can't understand.

I learned this from reading the book of John and Romans : " God loved us not because we could love Him, but because we can't. He loved us because it's His choice, and nobody can do something about that. It's better to love without any reason, because if there are reasons why we love someone, if those reasons fail, then we stop loving. Loving someone simply because it's your choice and not because of any reason, last till eternity. You love a person based on yourself not on him or her.... and there is no law againts it.

sorry po for writing this one as parang sermon on the mount.

i wish my summer wish will come true.