" Butterfly Life Cycle"

For now and the following days to come let me talk about an illness which science has paid a little attention to.... searching the MIMS Philippines and International, science only got one remedy for it once the illness strike at it's worst blow. And the remedy is not a cure but just an instrument to slow down the process going down to the pit. At the last phase, surgery seems just a relief but not even the cure of it. It's like a life cycle of a butterfly!

There is only --prevention to the disease, and prevention starts as early as a mild sore throat begins.

Yeah, this illness flowers from a simple untreated tonsillitis coupled with fever. And tonsillitis strikes all children even adults. I got that always when I was in elementary age. I remember not going to school a lot because of it. But because I grew up in a decade where tonsillitis was classified as "lagnat laki"... aspilets were enough. No doctor ever bothered to look inside my pussed throat. Until one morning, I woke up to find out I can no longer walk because of painful joints, swollen tendons, and nose bleed. Only then was I rushed to a children hospital in Manila and was diagnosed with rheumatic heart disease (RHD). I surpassed the "fever" state! Shucks! It leveled up!

Penadure, aspirin and prednisone organon became my friends! But later on, I developed an allergic reaction to the very remedy of this aw aw illness...penadure and aspirin! The doctors shifted me to erythromycin for propillaxis which upsets my stomach daily! Until I developed mitral stenosis! The end of it all!

Penadure is an injectible penicillin. And it's effectiveness on a patient is only up to early adulthood. That I am disqualified now! ahaha

I was a veggie for two months, and as expected my family prepared for my demise. An open heart surgery has a 50/50 chance because of my very weak resistance. My dad's resolve was to wait for a miracle while I decided to just let go and flow.

Miracle did came.... how did it happened? I don't know.... all I know was that it's a work of God. God heard the pleadings of my family. Water was the first thing I asked for when I woke up...and friend chicken! ahahaha

I led a normal life afterwards. Get on with life.

Rheumatic fever according to my research is an autonomic illness which means the body's defense acts against the body....that in the swelling of the tonsils. It strikes one in every 1000 kids. And propillaxis must be taken even after the healing. That I failed to do.

And now am in my 40's and I got it again. I wish like cancer, science will find a cure for this to kill the antibodies turned enemies in my bloodstream. That science will find a cure.... a real cure.

Now I am living on substitute propillaxis to prevent another mitral stenosis.....errr not prevent, but to slow down it's scarring....haizt!

Laughter is the best medicine...

Scrapbook Poems

Music: Okay by Iyaz

One:

What could be more beautiful than
seeing a seed transform into a tiny plant?
...than a bud blossoms into a flower?
... than seeing you just looking at me
without a word nor a hush?

Your smiles send the blues away,
ushering the rain and the storm which I like...
... the rain and the storm remind me of you
and it saddens my heart.


Two:

I wish I could say how much
you mean to my world..
But I cannot
...because I was afraid that you
will just say "No".

Three:

The days are beautiful because you are in my world.
But no longer,
when you stepped out without a word.

Four:

Look at me! Look at me!
and not the other way!
It would be happier if our eyes will meet
and our hearts understand! Ha! ha!

Five:

I am waiting for you....
I wish you will come in summertime,
Where
all flowers bloom,
and clouds are high.
the sun stands gaily
as kites and birds fly by.

Six:

Each day is a pleasure...
to see you
just staring out there,
looking my way.

Can't we just make things happen?
Can we make it real?
Shall we cross boundaries
and meet halfway?

Seven:

When you came,
all my blues wept away,
all my fears chased away.

Oh, I can never look into your eyes,
because you will see my love,
oh, you will see
how much you mean to me.


Scrapbooking is fun... colored papers and cuts out are not the only ones you can use to make your scrapbooks alive, but also with what from your heart and mind...


end music: clumsy by fergie

Loving You

Loving You,

.......is like looking at the horizons,
where the sun rises
and the sun sets..
where thunderstorms and cyclones spring.


Loving You,

........is like looking at the mirror,
where images bounce back..
and all I see is ....me.


Loving You,

..........is like looking at the stars..
so far...so bright
maybe a dream, but it's not!


Loving You,

.......is like looking at the rain cloud..
your presence seem like rain,
you can't touch but you can feel.


I wish loving You,
......is like looking at a flower,
visible to the eyes..
feeling the texture, and oh..the scent!
Then it's truly real.
not a dream.
not and image.
not just a feeling,
but truly here.


Loving Christ,
....is all but real!
you can see.
you can hear.
you can feel.

Why

It's already noon and still I'm sitting here..I have work to attend to but I simply don't want to go to work. It's one of those days again.... I want to hit the road, go North and enjoy the fresh breeze of the northern counties. All I want to do is go places. I am not depressed...am simply is tired...my mind is already tired thinking of things.... a lot of things.

If I will be given another life to live after these...then I have nothing more to wish to do but enjoy the chance of happiness the Lord designed for me. I'd like to see it and feel it and stay with it till the last minute of my time life...the chance to be with someone a much longer time. A someone whom I can call mine.

Is it bad? Is it offending? Nope. I'm so sure it's not. God knows it and He feels the same way we do and He knows what's lacking. Today, am enjoying the gift of freedom. Doing things for my family and other people I do not know. Staking my life for them, forgetting myself. Yes, I have nothing for myself.. I know it! My friends said, set aside for myself...money I guess it must be. But, all I know one day, He will set aside something for me...only for me.

So much for it...it's the wish of all single women in the world...and it's not an ugly wish!

What can I be afraid of? Fear has numb my soul since then..
Why should I be afraid of death? I have died already a lot of times.
Why should I be afraid of being alone? I've been alone since the beginning.
What am I to lose? I have lost everything already.
Why should I hope for more? Because there's more things up there for me.

Love your life..it's a precious gift from God until you know it.

Missy

Tracy's blue-eyed deaf kitten slipped out of our door unnoticed by everyone. Her absence was only noticed when the time for her med came. It's signal number 1, very windy, dark and raining--we all went outside the house to the street to look for Missy.

After 3 hours of looking around the neighborhood, we gave up. While eating our dinner at 9:30pm, Tracy started crying. What can a mom do but to console her child. We all hoped that Missy will come back tomorrow morning. Oh, we all decided to resume our search tomorrow morning. I have an appointment at 9am tomorrow but I decided to cancel it to join my daughters' search for our Missy.

As I watch my daughters who are quietly sitting in-front of our television....I know they are thinking about our kitten...it's raining outside and Missy's undergoing treatment for her deafness, abnormal tear gland and colds....I can feel what's in their minds.

I wanted to join with them but I kept my composure. Instead I spent my time in Farmville. But my mind is wandering.....where is Missy?

As I stand by the door looking at the road which Missy might have taken, I can't help but remember that way back then someone left without any reason and never came back....

The loss brought so much pain and tears.

Missy brought back the memory.

I didn't cry. I just remembered..I don't remember the pain anymore but I can't forget the face.Now that person is coming back after much realization but I already closed the door behind. I decided not to look back again.

That's why I like it this way. I'm tired of goodbyes. I'm tired of losing. I'm tired of moving on again and again. Simply...I'm tired.

Next time?

Next time.....