Loving You

Loving You,

.......is like looking at the horizons,
where the sun rises
and the sun sets..
where thunderstorms and cyclones spring.


Loving You,

........is like looking at the mirror,
where images bounce back..
and all I see is ....me.


Loving You,

..........is like looking at the stars..
so far...so bright
maybe a dream, but it's not!


Loving You,

.......is like looking at the rain cloud..
your presence seem like rain,
you can't touch but you can feel.


I wish loving You,
......is like looking at a flower,
visible to the eyes..
feeling the texture, and oh..the scent!
Then it's truly real.
not a dream.
not and image.
not just a feeling,
but truly here.


Loving Christ,
....is all but real!
you can see.
you can hear.
you can feel.

Why

It's already noon and still I'm sitting here..I have work to attend to but I simply don't want to go to work. It's one of those days again.... I want to hit the road, go North and enjoy the fresh breeze of the northern counties. All I want to do is go places. I am not depressed...am simply is tired...my mind is already tired thinking of things.... a lot of things.

If I will be given another life to live after these...then I have nothing more to wish to do but enjoy the chance of happiness the Lord designed for me. I'd like to see it and feel it and stay with it till the last minute of my time life...the chance to be with someone a much longer time. A someone whom I can call mine.

Is it bad? Is it offending? Nope. I'm so sure it's not. God knows it and He feels the same way we do and He knows what's lacking. Today, am enjoying the gift of freedom. Doing things for my family and other people I do not know. Staking my life for them, forgetting myself. Yes, I have nothing for myself.. I know it! My friends said, set aside for myself...money I guess it must be. But, all I know one day, He will set aside something for me...only for me.

So much for it...it's the wish of all single women in the world...and it's not an ugly wish!

What can I be afraid of? Fear has numb my soul since then..
Why should I be afraid of death? I have died already a lot of times.
Why should I be afraid of being alone? I've been alone since the beginning.
What am I to lose? I have lost everything already.
Why should I hope for more? Because there's more things up there for me.

Love your life..it's a precious gift from God until you know it.

Missy

Tracy's blue-eyed deaf kitten slipped out of our door unnoticed by everyone. Her absence was only noticed when the time for her med came. It's signal number 1, very windy, dark and raining--we all went outside the house to the street to look for Missy.

After 3 hours of looking around the neighborhood, we gave up. While eating our dinner at 9:30pm, Tracy started crying. What can a mom do but to console her child. We all hoped that Missy will come back tomorrow morning. Oh, we all decided to resume our search tomorrow morning. I have an appointment at 9am tomorrow but I decided to cancel it to join my daughters' search for our Missy.

As I watch my daughters who are quietly sitting in-front of our television....I know they are thinking about our kitten...it's raining outside and Missy's undergoing treatment for her deafness, abnormal tear gland and colds....I can feel what's in their minds.

I wanted to join with them but I kept my composure. Instead I spent my time in Farmville. But my mind is wandering.....where is Missy?

As I stand by the door looking at the road which Missy might have taken, I can't help but remember that way back then someone left without any reason and never came back....

The loss brought so much pain and tears.

Missy brought back the memory.

I didn't cry. I just remembered..I don't remember the pain anymore but I can't forget the face.Now that person is coming back after much realization but I already closed the door behind. I decided not to look back again.

That's why I like it this way. I'm tired of goodbyes. I'm tired of losing. I'm tired of moving on again and again. Simply...I'm tired.

Next time?

Next time.....

Thankful

It was a night where my curiosity stroke every corner of my life.
I went here, to and fro.
I browsed every picture, every item, everything,
My head spin when I came across one place,
as if my world blackened, I have no words to say..

but

Am so thankful you came again
and found a reason to stay.
Am so glad you are here
found me again.

The black cloud rolled away
and my head stopped spinning.

and I realized
I've come too far to look back!

My Pain

i can feel pain...

but there is no tears....

i wanted to cry but tears can't make it out of my eyes.

but the pain numbs my soul...

i don't know where i will go

so the pain will go away.

i don't know what to do

to ease what i feel.


you were just a dream that i once knew.