We are happy.
We felt good.
I decided to share my life with others.
I helped others fought their way to the light..... they were able to secure their lives.
They are happy. They felt good.
I was happy. I felt good.
One day I was strolling a mall, I saw a happy family.
My kids are grown up, secured...ready to have their own.
The family I saw was laughing and sweetly touching each other.
I got sad. I felt alone.
I hurriedly left the place...I don't wanna see what others have
that I don't.
But I found myself in-front of two people loving each other.
I began to get annoyed.
What am I doing in places like these?
My unconscious spoke....." they are everywhere....and you are missing them..."
When I was over tasking for my family and others I thought about myself:
"It's my time..time for myself."
But my doors were shut up...I got imprisoned with this sickness.
And I found myself in a vague world I cannot understand.
Akala ko isang araw, mag wa walk ako along an isle to say my vow of love.
Akala ko isang araw, I'll be finally happy.
Akala ko isang araw, magagawa ko na ang mga bagay na pangarap kong gawin.
Akala ko isang araw, ako naman ang tatawa at ngingiti.
Akala ko.... akala ko....
isang araw.... isang araw.....
Nasaan na ang mga akala ko at ang mga isang araw?
Nilamon na ng sakit na ito na tanging himala ng Dios lamang ang makakasolusyon.
Dati...a woman told me as she held my hand.... she said, " I've never seen a woman having such lines on the palm. I only see these kinds of lines on men. I will pray to God that one day you will be happy because you are not destined to be happy. You're only destined to make other people happy."
Parang gusto ko ng maniwala. Imagine, I am sick and yet a lot of people are still blessed by my disposition, by my laughter, by my words, by my strength.
If only they know the tears I am shedding everyday.
The pain I am enduring randomly....
Haizt, no one cares to know. No one cares to listen.
They just like watching my every move.
And ask how I am making it each day with such a strength, such laughs, such smiles, such moves. Then shake my hands to say-- " You are a blessing to me....".
Sometimes, I wish this would end...that I go home but I always choose to stay because of one person I wish to see and be with. Yes, am still hoping for the elusive happiness. But somehow, I get weak. I also lose my sight somehow...and I sleep with tears.
Gusto kong pumunta sa isang lugar na ako naman ang pangingitiin at patatawanin...hindi ng isang clown kundi ng kagaya ng mga nakita ko sa mall at sa jeep. Gusto kong kumilos ng walang batas at patakaran na nagdidikta kung paano ako kikilos.
Gusto kong sumaya isang araw,....hindi pansamantalang saya kundi panghabambuhay.
Gusto kong lumaya sa karamdamang ito.
Gusto ko pa ring tuparin ang lahat ng gusto kong gawin,
para sa pamilya..... kahit natapos ko na.
para sa Lord ..... kahit araw-araw ay ganun na.
para sa ibang tao...... kahit sapat na...
para sa aking sarili......wala pa akong nagagawa kahit isa!
Haizt....
