Cloudy morning.

Sometimes keeping positive makes a downfall when you're "tryins" just won't work..... you can't help it but dive in.

But I resolve not to... but the more I resolve not to, the more I feel the dive.

The more I want to avoid asking.. the more deeper the dive gets.

I hope something could be done when everybody say " let's just hope for a miracle."

Butterfly Life Cycle p2...haha

The previous days were very difficult for me.....( it's my almost 2 months on indefinite leave from work.) The pain goes on and off. Above all these, I avoided the following to help me get through each day....because I know and I can feel where I am heading to.

1. get sad and be depressed. Depression and constant sadness....they won't help. It will only aggravate the situation. It will also deplete the body's healing process. So from mornings on towards the night, I produce a happy atmosphere in the house and in any place I go. Music helps a lot. And I pamper myself with every thing I like to do, from taking a bath to work in the office.

Exercise became my twice activity each day... and I chose dancing to stimulate my muscles, bones and all. A once a week body massage gives not only relaxation but also a therapy to my veins.

I got a little conscious with the food I eat.

I get away from my cellphones once in a while. It's stressing to have your cp's always near. When it's near me... I tone down it's ringtone, so I won't be pressured to answer it. Let them text! hahaha

I make friends. I talk a lot. This way, you will see others' point of views and learn from them. I sometimes counsel people in distress. I can't avoid them when they get to me. They help me think positive.

I do some breathing exercises..... on showers! Wehhh.... yun ang trip ko! Bahala ka sa trip mo! The falling water from the shower to my head and back really helps in my " letting go"" exercise.... I do these two exercises daily...... it frees the mind from worries and anxieties. It can help you think clearly.

2. lethargy and idle moments.

3. listening to the worries of other people over me. It is normal that they do because they care. So I tried to know my limits and work only on the boundaries of my limitations.

Tomorrow, I 'll be in the Philippine Heart Center to see what could be done to prolong....hehehe.. of course, my life!

I'll miss facebook. nyahahaha!

" Butterfly Life Cycle"

For now and the following days to come let me talk about an illness which science has paid a little attention to.... searching the MIMS Philippines and International, science only got one remedy for it once the illness strike at it's worst blow. And the remedy is not a cure but just an instrument to slow down the process going down to the pit. At the last phase, surgery seems just a relief but not even the cure of it. It's like a life cycle of a butterfly!

There is only --prevention to the disease, and prevention starts as early as a mild sore throat begins.

Yeah, this illness flowers from a simple untreated tonsillitis coupled with fever. And tonsillitis strikes all children even adults. I got that always when I was in elementary age. I remember not going to school a lot because of it. But because I grew up in a decade where tonsillitis was classified as "lagnat laki"... aspilets were enough. No doctor ever bothered to look inside my pussed throat. Until one morning, I woke up to find out I can no longer walk because of painful joints, swollen tendons, and nose bleed. Only then was I rushed to a children hospital in Manila and was diagnosed with rheumatic heart disease (RHD). I surpassed the "fever" state! Shucks! It leveled up!

Penadure, aspirin and prednisone organon became my friends! But later on, I developed an allergic reaction to the very remedy of this aw aw illness...penadure and aspirin! The doctors shifted me to erythromycin for propillaxis which upsets my stomach daily! Until I developed mitral stenosis! The end of it all!

Penadure is an injectible penicillin. And it's effectiveness on a patient is only up to early adulthood. That I am disqualified now! ahaha

I was a veggie for two months, and as expected my family prepared for my demise. An open heart surgery has a 50/50 chance because of my very weak resistance. My dad's resolve was to wait for a miracle while I decided to just let go and flow.

Miracle did came.... how did it happened? I don't know.... all I know was that it's a work of God. God heard the pleadings of my family. Water was the first thing I asked for when I woke up...and friend chicken! ahahaha

I led a normal life afterwards. Get on with life.

Rheumatic fever according to my research is an autonomic illness which means the body's defense acts against the body....that in the swelling of the tonsils. It strikes one in every 1000 kids. And propillaxis must be taken even after the healing. That I failed to do.

And now am in my 40's and I got it again. I wish like cancer, science will find a cure for this to kill the antibodies turned enemies in my bloodstream. That science will find a cure.... a real cure.

Now I am living on substitute propillaxis to prevent another mitral stenosis.....errr not prevent, but to slow down it's scarring....haizt!

Laughter is the best medicine...