Not over yet

A friend of mine visited me one night. We didn't see each other for quite a long time. It was an unexpected visit because I don't expect him to see me again. We had a little argument before.. an argument that led me to  distance from him and our other friends.

We took tea at Figaro' and had a formal talk. He knows me.. I never smile at a delinquent friend.  He held out his hands and gave me the handshake only us recognize.

"Where have you been? What have you been doing? " he asked me.
" The usual." I said.
" Why on earth did you chose to live in that place?"
" I like it there.. I can see the left from the right."
"When are you going to transfer to Manila?" he asked.
" In time." I said.
" I feel so old. I feel like am 60 years old." he said.. " since I took the rest. " he said.
"Because you rested". I replied.
"Aren't you?" he asked in return.
" I did. Am a lovergirl now." I took a grin.
" Bruha, di bagay sau!" he retorted.

" No kidding, I feel am old..so old." he repeated.
I looked at him and I said, "yeah, you are. "
"It is not good that I rest...five years is too long. I feel so old."
" It is. We age when we rest. I lose my sight when I rest." I said.

We ate.

"What is the point of seeing me tonight?" I asked.
" Don't you want to stop resting? There are tournaments now. The prizes are not bad. The ranks are on a plateau." he answered.
" I have beaten my swords into plowshares two years ago. "

The conversation was long. The atmosphere got warmed -up........ and a riot happened just outside Figaro building.

"We are attracting violence, let's walk and find another coffee shop."

We were talking about spiritual matters. He was asking me to go back to warfare. We are a team. For 16 years, we were able to established a team that made a tract record in both worlds, altering and changing some of the unchangeable things, yet we were not recognized in the limelight... darkness knows who we are and so darn eager to annihilate our team. For so many times did the cults and the occult took a look at us, face to face, with minds speaking of threats and curses. So many times did they ran to our houses to harm us but the power of Jesus Christ drove them away.
Christ's blood is so powerful to cover my family to keep them safe.

"Engage. Let's go back." he said.

We headed home. A small child rode the jeepney we were in. He was a little boy talking about how he was agravated by his brother who snatched a cellphone from someone.

That is enough.

The spiritual warfare is similar in some ways to online war games like Wings of Destiny, Gods' War, Warcraft and the like in scenario... one has to level up, know skills and enhance them. But the fighting are different. The physical skills must be there together with the spiritual skills, both operating at one time. Accuracy and perfection of plans must be strictly carried out. One cannot afford to commit a mistake. A mistake will cause a nation's demise, or whatever. God's plan will not be perfectly carried out if there is a mistake. We only hear from heaven-- commands and instructions. And the battle is real, in the heavenlies.


"How much is the price in the tournament in Mindanao?" I asked.
"Maliit lng. "
" Ok. I will join."


"May bagyo,....c Pablo." he said.
" La un... makikiraan lng un."


I can't take the face of that child from my mind.
I cannot stop.

May Isang Cupcake

Isang araw, I got in to find a cupcake specially for me.... and wow, naging araw-araw na ganun!! Sobrang saya ko, kasi kahit drawing lang ang cupcake totoo siya sa nagbigay at sa akin na binigyan!! Hindi alam ng nagbigay na abot batok ang ngiti ko! hahahahaha!!!

Isang araw, pinalungkot ako ng cupcake na ito-- dahil hindi sinasadyang naipakain ito sa iba. Bigla kong naramdaman na parang may bumitaw at pakiramdam ko ay bumulusok ang aking katawan sa isang malalim na balon, isang madilim na balon... biga akong nangapa! Hindi ko makita ang aking minamahal! At ako ay nag-umpisang matakot......

Alam kong nainis ang nagbigay ng cupcake dahil parang biglang nagkaroon ng hindi magandang kahulugan ang isang hindi sinasadyang kilos...alam kong hindi niya nagustuhan ang lahat ng aking naramdaman ng dahil sa cupcake... sa cupcakes na pwede naman niyang palitan, ngunit bakit isang big deal ang pagkawala ng limang piraso lamang? Hindi ko siya masisi. At dama ko ang kung ano man nararamdaman niya sa mga oras na yun. Kung alam lang niya na higit pa sa lahat ng naramdaman niya ang naramdaman ... magkahalong kalituhan, kalungkutan at pagkabigo! grabe! sagad!

Dalawang araw akong naghanap ng solusyon... gusto kong umalis sa balon, makakita ng liwanag, makita ang lugar, makita ang aking mahal at patayin ang may kagagawan.... ang aking calling na nagdala ng "gesture" sa aking buhay.

" You should have been proud you have that."

" No, am not."

" It brings the sun to your heart."

"And it also kills it."

"Many people wants to have it. They are even spending money to have it though they only get the acquired...you have the genuine.."

"Kanila na!"

....yan ang ilan sa mga pagtatalo sa aking isip.

Mabuti na lamang may kaibigan akong nakakaintindi ng aking nararamdaman. Alam na kaagad niya ang mga tanong ko kahit hindi pa ako nagsasalita.... madalang kasi na ako ang magyayang magkita kami. Karaniwang siya ang nagyayaya pero hindi niya ako mapapunta. Hindi diretsuhan ang aking mga pagtatanong pero deretso ang kanyang mga sagot. At nang mag-umpisa na akong magsalita ng diretso sa gusto kong tukuyin... nagliparan ang daan-daang ibong langay-langayan sa aming lugar.... sa sky garden ng SM North Edsa na para bang gustong mangakinig sa aming pinag-uusapan.

Masaya akong umuwi. Hindi lang liwanag ang nakita ko...... nakita ko ang buong lugar, nakalabas ako sa balon , nakita ko ulit ang aking mahal. Nakatulog ako sa van, naramdaman ko ang pagod. Pagdating ko sa bahay, pinuntahan ako ng nagbigay sa akin ng cupcake, matapos ang ilang pag-bibiruan pinasunod nya ako sa kanya sa kanyang lugar at aking gulat ko ng makitang pinuno niya ng cupcakes ang kanyang buong lugar!! "Lahat ng yan ay para sa iyo". Naramdaman ko kung gaano niya ako kamahal. Sa totoo lang, hindi ko alam kung ano ang sasabihin ko sa sobrang tuwa at saya ... dinaan ko ang lahat sa biro.

" Wala kang tatakasan, wala kang papatayin dahil ikaw 'yan. Tatlong panahon na ang nagdaan na pinalampas mo, panahon na para pansinin mo. Hindi mo kailangan ang mga bagay para ka sumaya or else may kulang... masaya ka na, hindi mo lang nalalaman dahil nakatuon ang isip mo sa ideal na isinet-up mo na nakikita mo sa iba.. hindi ganun ang disenyo mo. Tapos na ang panahong kumakagat ka ng bibinga. Gusto mong magkaron ng hinihingi mo dahil masaya ka na. Matutunaw ang mga bagay kung gugustuhin mo pero kung ayaw mo, mananatili sila."

Naintindihan ko.

" Ang cupcake ang gumising sa 'yo para malaman mo na panahon na para kumilos ka. Ang buhay ay isang malaking puzzle na orchestrated lahat ng kalangitan... pati ang panahon ng pag-iipon at pagsusudlong ng mga piraso nito ay orchestrated ng Maykapal. Mabagal ka kapag paulit- ulit mong naamoy ang simoy ng hangin ng nakaraan.... may dapat baguhin at ikaw lamang ang makagagawa noon. Huwag mo palampasin ang ano mang nasa harapan mo ngayon.. iyan ay blessing ng Maykapal."

Naunawaan ko.

Winasak ko na ang balon.. hindi na ako mahuhulog ulit doon.

Sa aking mahal.... salamat sa iyong pagmamahal. Alam kong madalas kitang mainis dahil sa masyado akong malayo kung tumingin at malikot akong mag-isip. At may mga disappointments ka sa skin. Alam kong dahil dito ay gusto mo na akong padalhan ng scud missile at pasabugin ang aking empire kasama na ang aking mga farms !! hahaha.. ngunit salamat sa iyong tyaga, pasensya at pang-unawa. Salamat sa pakikinig sa aking mga drama at komedya. Alam ko kung gaano mo ako kamahal... I know, coz I feel. And I love you more for it.... even so thankful that you came into my life. Thank you for all the cupcakes. Thank you for the 5 cupcakes that awakened me... it is not a mistake, God used you to bring me to my senses, to appreciate what a blessing I have. I know it's not an accident we knew each other...someday the puzzle will fit together. I just want you to know how dear you are to me, whether am away or near. :D

Out of the Deep.....Randomness

I fought our way in to the light.... I was able to secure our lives.

We are happy.

We felt good.

I decided to share my life with others.

I helped others fought their way to the light..... they were able to secure their lives.

They are happy. They felt good.

I was happy. I felt good.

One day I was strolling a mall, I saw a happy family.

My kids are grown up, secured...ready to have their own.

The family I saw was laughing and sweetly touching each other.

I got sad. I felt alone.

I hurriedly left the place...I don't wanna see what others have

that I don't.

But I found myself in-front of two people loving each other.

I began to get annoyed.

What am I doing in places like these?

My unconscious spoke....." they are everywhere....and you are missing them..."

When I was over tasking for my family and others I thought about myself:

"It's my time..time for myself."

But my doors were shut up...I got imprisoned with this sickness.

And I found myself in a vague world I cannot understand.

Akala ko isang araw, mag wa walk ako along an isle to say my vow of love.

Akala ko isang araw, I'll be finally happy.

Akala ko isang araw, magagawa ko na ang mga bagay na pangarap kong gawin.

Akala ko isang araw, ako naman ang tatawa at ngingiti.

Akala ko.... akala ko....

isang araw.... isang araw.....

Nasaan na ang mga akala ko at ang mga isang araw?

Nilamon na ng sakit na ito na tanging himala ng Dios lamang ang makakasolusyon.

Dati...a woman told me as she held my hand.... she said, " I've never seen a woman having such lines on the palm. I only see these kinds of lines on men. I will pray to God that one day you will be happy because you are not destined to be happy. You're only destined to make other people happy."

Parang gusto ko ng maniwala. Imagine, I am sick and yet a lot of people are still blessed by my disposition, by my laughter, by my words, by my strength.

If only they know the tears I am shedding everyday.

The pain I am enduring randomly....

Haizt, no one cares to know. No one cares to listen.

They just like watching my every move.

And ask how I am making it each day with such a strength, such laughs, such smiles, such moves. Then shake my hands to say-- " You are a blessing to me....".

Sometimes, I wish this would end...that I go home but I always choose to stay because of one person I wish to see and be with. Yes, am still hoping for the elusive happiness. But somehow, I get weak. I also lose my sight somehow...and I sleep with tears.

Gusto kong pumunta sa isang lugar na ako naman ang pangingitiin at patatawanin...hindi ng isang clown kundi ng kagaya ng mga nakita ko sa mall at sa jeep. Gusto kong kumilos ng walang batas at patakaran na nagdidikta kung paano ako kikilos.

Gusto kong sumaya isang araw,....hindi pansamantalang saya kundi panghabambuhay.

Gusto kong lumaya sa karamdamang ito.

Gusto ko pa ring tuparin ang lahat ng gusto kong gawin,

para sa pamilya..... kahit natapos ko na.

para sa Lord ..... kahit araw-araw ay ganun na.

para sa ibang tao...... kahit sapat na...

para sa aking sarili......wala pa akong nagagawa kahit isa!

Haizt....

Cloudy morning.

Sometimes keeping positive makes a downfall when you're "tryins" just won't work..... you can't help it but dive in.

But I resolve not to... but the more I resolve not to, the more I feel the dive.

The more I want to avoid asking.. the more deeper the dive gets.

I hope something could be done when everybody say " let's just hope for a miracle."

You Are the One

It*s been two days....
I have received a note that touched the shield I have put around my heart so that no one can pass through to its chambers.

Yes, I admit. I have voluntarily afflicted myself with a two- year dose of " I, me and myself" shots to give time for my mind to heal of all the pain of my previous relationship, because I have grown numb to the word, "love".... I forgot the feelings. I forgot how to.

A gal friend of mine asked me, "how to know if you are in-love?" coz she, too, have forgotten how. I felt myself just staring at her and sling back the question to, followed with a loud laugh!

Intense and prolong pain makes you numb and insensitive. This happens to people who have lost their loved ones, or have failed relationships whose endings are worst.

The shield I placed was high and thick and yet here is one of the poems sent to me that cracked the shield I put around my heart, until shattering the shield into pieces.

Poems do not usually touch me. But this one was delivered unusually. The person took a stake at time just to find me and tell me how important I am in his life:


YOU ARE THE ONE


you*re the one i*ll always love,
who makes my life so colorful and bright.
you*re the one who touches my heart,
and fill my world with lots of love.

you*re the one i need so much,
who has a special way of turning my thoughts to romance.
you*re the one i keep dreaming about,
the one who inspires me so much.

a love so true i found in you.
i wonder what i*d do without you.
i hope no matter what
you will always be there for me.

you are the one...my life, my soul,
my everything,
only for you!





I don*t know what to say....

Climbing Mt. Moriah the 2nd Time

Mt. Moriah was the mountain where Abraham offered Isaac to God, as requested by God to test Abraham. The offering of Isaac did not materialized because God sent a ram in place of Isaac.

Bible teachers use this story to tell about letting go of things when the Lord request it to for reasons we sometimes do not know. Only He knows.

I moved to that "mountain" when I went to China. As the Lord commanded me to. My letting go of the school, and the people who made my life sad, my fears, my pains, and sadness, took place when the airplane took off the ground! There was an amazing peace within! And the Almighty went ahead of me to China!

I was ready then to change my career, my financial and my social status. I took the "silent mode" that made a lot of friends wondered! That silent mode is still on today.

I didn't regret my decision, though a tough one. I can't explain the serenity inside.

When I returned to the Philippines this month, after 2 weeks of going back and forth to the tribe, the heavens shocked me with surprises!

Those that I lost was restored to me by the Lord!

And I can feel that many more will come where I will say to God " Indeed, it is well with my soul!"


There was no substitute offering in Moriah. Only a simple trust and letting go.


"It is well with my soul."

Free!

I took control. I let go of Agatha. When I went back to Manila, offers came to get Agatha and I chose the right person to take it. So I let go of Agatha, and we are now in the process of turning it over. A friend of mine got it.

I took control, pursuing my calling.

I took control, in holding what the Lord promised me...and I have peace now.

I feel free.

It's just a matter of decision to control myself from taking the other way, from being tempted to other offers which I will be the one in control again of Agatha. To control myself from taking over again.

I decided to enjoy my life with what little I have and what calling I have, setting aside the people and things that will lead me away from this. I hold on to the more beautiful things that will come one day, the bigger picture, the better happiness! And i found that "life is much beautiful now than before!".


" and i stand here before You
in wide open wonder
amazed at the glory of You.
the power of heaven,
revealing Your purpose in me,
as i'm reaching for You!"


and I look back along EDSA, and smell the familiar scent again that lingered once in my mind.. there is no tears anymore.


"Lord everyday i need You more,
on wings of heaven I will soar with You..."

Great Things Here

It's my 3rd day without work. And it's my 3rd day on job hunting in this unfamiliar place of Macau.
Many wondered why I rather give up my school and seek a job in this far place. Why not in the Philippines? Why abroad?
My family also wondered why I chose to take lesser jobs than my position in the Philippines.
Was it because of money?
Or was it because of something else?

Both.

I want to heal myself.
I want to do what I want to do.
I want to be who I must be.
I don't want to think anymore.
I wanted change!
Because I'm already tired!

I know I will come back again to the Philippines but it must be a new me.
And I know now why am resting till the 3rd day:
To realize a lot more deeper things in life.
And am willing to take the risk just to get the new me and my new horizon.

I know for some people my decision hurt. But it'll be for a while. Soon they will understand.


My acknowledgement to the following:

1. God for the 3rd day rest.
2. My friends and family in the Philippines for not texting me.
I had plenty of time to think, re-think and be alone with myself.
3. My brother for the milk tea, refreshing my "diwa" after the long process of realization.
4. Bea Alonzo and Sam Milby for the movie " And I Love You So"
5. Bea Alonzo and John Lloyd for their movie " One More Chance"


My few accomplishments in Macau:

1. Eat longanisa and drink ice tea. (Wala akong magawa, kailangan eh!)
2. Sleep without blanket. ( it's so hot in here! Grabe!)
3. Sleep with just one pillow. (Matipid and brother ko, ayaw bumili ng maraming pillows.)
4. Be in an airconditioned house the whole day! ( beating my allergies away!)
5. Learn computer operations beyond what I already know. (or else, wala akong makakausap at
di makakapag work.).
6. Magtipid

Life is boring when you do not want to extend yourself to your environment. When you want to keep what you know is right but is not right for the moment.

This Sleepless Night

Life is still beautiful in spite of so many negative things around. I am a survivor and will remain a survivor while am alive... and still life for me is beautiful!

I'm sleepless tonight. I'm thinking again.

1. I'm selling my school. I want to pursue my calling.
2. I want to be rich.
3. When will the one for me will come?

That's what in my mind.

I have learned that destiny is a choice and you can control your life, and choose where to go. I have chosen where I want to go and what to do. But many things want me back to my comfort zone. Something "Who moved my Cheese?" said is normal. I don't want there anymore! There is excitement in finding new cheeses!

Walking along the lighted and beautiful streets of Macau in City of Dreams, Venetian and the City itself, I can't help concluding that man's mind seem limitless in materializing whatever is in his imagination. So I said to myself, that I can materialize whatever is in my dreams. I need to make a bridge between my dream and reality, even though I am alone in doing it. Who cares?

Meeting Carol amazed me. She's a teacher in China and only 25 years old, and single. She's done it and I said, I'm not truly alone. There are a lot of people out there like me, and we are many! And the feelings and questions I have are not peculiar- they're real and everyone else's feeling it!
And I began to love myself more and my daughters.

I learned to be braver and stronger... in Macau!

This is just a vacation. How much more if I will stay here longer?

I dream of visiting Israel. I want to go to Jerusalem and see the Wailing Wall in the Western Gate. Why? I want to say my prayers there. The Lord will hear it like a thunder! It's the Wailing Wall, haler!

Staying in the Vineyard

The long months away from here were very busy months, juggling from Batangas to Manila and forth. The odds increased when I was demanded a 150 out-of-school children to teach through our BLP Program (Basic Literacy Program) under the ALS of DepEd Batangas. And mind you, it's all for nothing!

Friends say, " What do you get from it?" I said "Nothing". "So why stay?". they asked. All of my friends now are engaged in business if not in their own professions.

I was only 18 when I discovered that I will be a Vineyard worker. When I got my degree in college and have my own business, when this call materialized. That's why I retained the non-stock,non-profit nature of my business. I also found out that my ancestors were Vineyard workers, and it's running down up to the present generations of our clan. Most of my cousins and my own family are all Vineyard workers. My parents said that it's a very noble thing to work in the Vineyard. My brother, who is a AVP in JP Morgan, is a Vineyard worker, so as my other brothers!

The Vineyard is the richest and largest company in the world. No retirement. The tenure is secured. No one gets hungry. No losses, just dividends to earn. And if you have a business, connecting your business to it means profit! The qualification needed to be employed may be a bit difficult, but it's worth it! It's system and principles may be different from the common but they're easy to follow and apply.

But most of all, you get to meet it's Owner 24 hrs a day. Everytime you need Him, He's there. So problems are that hard to solve. And He also stays even if you don't ask Him to be around.

Why I stay?

Because it's an honor to serve Isa Al-masih (Christ the Messiah)!

Doors

The doors that I thought are open are not yet open after all. They're still images. Images of doors.

Shall I open them? Or do I need to beg God to open them for me? Or shall I wait, do nothing, just allowing the time to ripen and open those doors for me?

Those are the questions hanging in my mind.

Doors are opportunities. Doors are chances to a lot of new horizons.

Sometimes, I can't help ask my Creator but later on say sorry for asking questions.
But I can't help it. It's tough nowadays.

I rode the bus and the jeepney "unendlessly" today. Met a friend and then ride again.
I can't help thinking, what must I do?
What scares me?
To make a mistake.
It's but a normal thing to commit a mistake.
A failure might lead to success.
What really scares me?
What shakes my knees?
Because I will do them alone.
Take the chance. Maybe it will work.
No fallback?
It's a whirlwind!

An invitation came: Free bus ride from Manila to Cagayan! What a nice invitation for someone who's not yet done thinking.

Summerblitz

summer is here...

Got a 3 days vacation in Baguio after the hectic graduation preparations and ceremony, with the school staff, "the mandirigmas" and their families. It's like being first time in Baguio. Did I enjoyed it? Nahh!! I ended up the cook because I'm the first one to get hungry. It's where my patience and my endurance to "inis" got tested! Di ako nakapagrelax , in one word. Sayang ang ten thousand pesos kong ginastos para sa trip na ito! Shukks!

After the Baguio hangover came the "bastusan na pala ito!" argument with a friend, whom I am suspecting of illegal intrusion to my friendster account, deleting my photo album and my inbox! Nagkocollect pa naman aq ng inbox messages. Kainis! In my mind came the big question," sziguro mahal ako nito?". E, may girlfriend and damuhong yon, na walang habas nyang ipinagmamalaki sa aking pagmumukha! Hayy, nakakalito talaga ang buhay...niya! Hindi akin.

I learned a lot of simple things this summer, some of them came from other important people in my life that keeps me happy:

1. Chicken adobo is much more delicious and zesty with strawberry wine.
2. Seahorses are small in size, most of them are only 2-4 inches long, so the little mermaid is really so little. Much little than the seahorse because, she is often seen riding a seahorse.
3. Your closest friends are the ones who could turn out to be your worst enemy. And could be the first ones to leave you behind.
4. Pearls are not "malas na alahas" for the brides. Kasabihan kasi na pearls are "tears". Truth? Pearls are "tears of joy" because they are formed when a small grain of sand entered the shell and got "kiliti"! Want to be happy, wear pearls.
5. Wanting to laugh, reading Bob Ong's book "ABNKKBSNPLA"- light and seems-none-sense stories of his school days got lessons and laughs. Real laughs!
6. Wanting some serious reading and thoughts about real life encounter with God's plan for your life, reading "Finding Favor with the King" by Tommy Tenney will give someone a deep thought about commitment and finding favor with God. It's a real life story of Queen Esther of Persia thousand of years before Christ, married and loved by King Xerxes of Persia, son of King Darius. The story is the story behind the Jewish festival Purim.
7. Favor from God can bring you to a lot of places and a lot of successes in life. It can bring you the happiest days you're waiting for.
8. Masarap ang nilagang hilaw na saging na saba na isinawsaw sa bagoong! Sagot sa crisis sa bigas! ha ha ha!
9. Masarap din ang kaning sinabawan ng kape katerno ang pritong dumpilas, este tamban!

What else could happen in the remaining months of this summer?

Abangan.


"I saw you before while I was sitting in a park,
you, with another one...
Never knowing that it was me with you then,
when you passed by this unfamiliar road with me,
a year later.

I smelled your scent in your absence, before,
while I was sitting in a park
that lingers on till I got home.
And I realized it was your scent now that I smell,
as I was cruising this unfamiliar road with you."


it's not the end.

On the Bench

Home alone since Monday. My parents on vacation. Am here in the tribe again. I used to be alone but it seems I can't get used to it. And since it's Holy Week, the people here are out there trying to make money out of their pearls along the beaches of Batangas. Ang tahimik!!

I contend myself doing some sketching, listening to music, and eating during my spare time. My mom left me my favorite food in the ref- milk, cheese,danggit,etc. (talk about my allergies!). So i bought lots of what I like! And for the first time since February, I was able to watch tv via satellite.

I came these things that made me think:

While sleeping in my house, I noticed bees sound that night, and by morning, some of them were flying over my bed. So I asked John Mark to check my walls, since my they are covered with curtains. And he found beehives, about 4 of them and the swarm of bees were busy creating another beehive, on the wall atop my headboard! The other badjaos smoked the bees out of my house and got the beehives. It was my first time to taste honey direct from the honeycomb. The milk and honey taste so good! The milk is actually baby bees on the making! So I decided to let the bees stay in my house, so we could collect more honey. Yeah, the bees stayed.... for 1 day! The next day, they're gone!

Bees are peace loving insects. They don't like to be disturbed while doing their " what they're supposed to do.". Busy but quiet and demands to be left alone so they could produce sweet honey. Best produce in our lives come in times we are alone and in deep thoughts. Most of us don't want to be alone. We like to be always in company and got sad and bored when left alone. We sometimes fail to appreciate the value of aloneness. Aloneness is not negative, it's positive! Sometimes, I do, commit that mistake.

Watching ducks swim on the water... how come this heavey bird float on water and even though they dive beneath, they don't get wet? I remember my grandfather who said to us whenever we take baths, " Maligo na maayos, wag paligong bibi!".

Ducks are incredible birds. Poor in flying but best in swimming! They are so excellent in floating, something that I can't even do! Ha ha ha! Life is like an ocean of varying wave sizes and storms! People should be like ducks, instead of succumbing to life's challenges, they should know how to float! When you float, you don't drown no matter how high the wave be! Life could be easy to deal with if we all know how to "float".

Heartbreak is a painful experience. It's one experience I hate! I symphatize with people who are heartbroken. It's easy to fall in-love but it's so difficult to move on after the failure. My gosh! I made the best coffee that morning when a parent told me her son is brokenhearted and can't move on. Talking to this guy removed the taste and good aroma of my coffee! (am the only one talking, and the guy.. he cries!). Seeing a guy cry move my heart and what else will I say but, "put this in your mind: it's her lost not yours!"! Ahuh!

Falling in love is a choice and so is getting hurt and not moving on. So we could make a choice to move on even in one day! Pain and love is an activity of our hypothalamus, it's a big thing to know that we can dictate our hypothalamus to minimize the pain so we could do something to move on.

"Moving on" is the phrase of the week here!


Why are there penguins in the South pole and not in the North Pole? Pareho lang namang may ice dun?

Make each day a day to smile about. Be like sunflowers!!!

There is a time for everything

It's Sunday afternoon, taking a short break from my very hectic day.... "ang hirap talaga ng nag-iisa." quote of one of my female friends. " Ay, Oo!" sabi ko naman, "...sanayan lang 'yan!". Sanayan nga lang, ngunit nararamdaman ko ang katotohanan ng sinabi ng aking kaibigan! Hay yay yay!!
" Kumusta ka, wonder woman?", my friend greeted. "Pwede ba Darna na lang? Masyado akong maganda para maging Wonder Woman!!", my reply.... just a joke!!! yeah, to curve away my tiredness.
I can't wait for Monday! Sana Monday na ngayon! I will go home and see my loved ones and friends, watch Harry Potter, ( sus, sana abutan ko pa!), see eicher, and tuck my head onto my favorite pillow the whole day. Eat my favorite foods with my meow and pingu! Scare all the people in our compound for 1 day, greet all the tinderas in the palengke on Wednesday morning, not to buy, just to see and greet them! Weird? (Well, someone has to know me better). Finish my painting on our wall... that's right! If still I can, see Jose Rizal before I return to Batangas, ang lupain ng mga matatapang at.....( ehem)! But I have to change attire by Tuesday, put on my corporate dress and be a boss for one day in our company!!! Ano'ng klaseng bakasyon 'yan? Trabaho din? Pwede bang wag na lang akong pumasok? Pwede bang ibang tao na lang muna ang mag-intindi ng mga problema para sa akin? I am shaking by merely seeing the gate of my workplace! My gosh, buti na lang wala akong alta presyon! Kung hindi, natsugi na ang beauty ko noon pa man! Iwanan ka ba namang mag-isa ng mga matatapang mong kasama sa industriya at ipataw lahat sa balikat mo ang lahat ng problema at alalahanin ng kumpanyang yan, at pag may palpak ay kagagaling na sabihing, " bocing, you made a wrong decision! You should have done it this way... or that way!". Huh? Kaya minsan di nila ako masisi na isnabin ko ang mga kagwapuhan at kautakan nila! At kung minsan, di nila ako masisi na I spend an hour or two at starmart instead of talking to them! At kung minsan, di nila ako mapigil na isiping isang araw, mas gusto kong maglagi sa lugar ng mga katutubo, sa lahat ng parte ng Pilipinas, kaysa pumasok sa aking opisina! You know, a bit of encouragement for people like me, helps a lot to keep us going!

Sometimes, I would like to go some places, away from all my works and know again the meaning of the word, " serenity". I"d like to grow old gracefully. I'd like to see myself in the future sitting on a beach with someone before a sunset. My gosh! I can't do that if I will kill myself working almost 24 hours a day! But job calls.... hu hu hu! Nah, but am damn happy at my work in the tribe! So ano'ng inirereklamo ko? Wala lang, sobra lang akong pagod! Na sa sobrang ka bisihan at kapaguran ko ay nalilimutan kong batiin at alalahanin ang dapat kong alalahanin at batiin!! Ay, ang gulo!

I don't like it this way. I'd like to have time. Time for myself, time for my loved ones, time to see and feel that life is an experience to enjoy and appreciate, it doesn't matter if it's raining or shining! But I think, having time is also a matter of choice!


"I'd like to see the forever in your eyes!"


(kainis, napaka sentimental ko ngayon!)