When Reasons Fail

You, I love so dearly.

I cherish so seriously.

I wish you know,

Yes, it's true!

The big wall between us,

The gap of time that surrounds us,

are like drops of water on a bucket,

like teardrops on a heavy rain.

Some words are filled with uncertainties,

A back door you opened for a possibility.

(Oh, how my heart ache,

my world crashed a bit..)

I understand but no!

I chose to love you,

to keep you in my heart.

To take whatever comes my way.

I have no reason

but my love for you.

Perhaps, if there are other reasons,

and those reasons fail,

in waiting for you..

I have another reason to take,

You love me.

That I know.

It's all I believe.

I hope one day we'll find each other.

No more walls,

No more gaps.

No more uncertainties,

But only Us.

We....... just Us!

What a day..!

end song: Maybe It's You

Out of the Deep.....Randomness

I fought our way in to the light.... I was able to secure our lives.

We are happy.

We felt good.

I decided to share my life with others.

I helped others fought their way to the light..... they were able to secure their lives.

They are happy. They felt good.

I was happy. I felt good.

One day I was strolling a mall, I saw a happy family.

My kids are grown up, secured...ready to have their own.

The family I saw was laughing and sweetly touching each other.

I got sad. I felt alone.

I hurriedly left the place...I don't wanna see what others have

that I don't.

But I found myself in-front of two people loving each other.

I began to get annoyed.

What am I doing in places like these?

My unconscious spoke....." they are everywhere....and you are missing them..."

When I was over tasking for my family and others I thought about myself:

"It's my time..time for myself."

But my doors were shut up...I got imprisoned with this sickness.

And I found myself in a vague world I cannot understand.

Akala ko isang araw, mag wa walk ako along an isle to say my vow of love.

Akala ko isang araw, I'll be finally happy.

Akala ko isang araw, magagawa ko na ang mga bagay na pangarap kong gawin.

Akala ko isang araw, ako naman ang tatawa at ngingiti.

Akala ko.... akala ko....

isang araw.... isang araw.....

Nasaan na ang mga akala ko at ang mga isang araw?

Nilamon na ng sakit na ito na tanging himala ng Dios lamang ang makakasolusyon.

Dati...a woman told me as she held my hand.... she said, " I've never seen a woman having such lines on the palm. I only see these kinds of lines on men. I will pray to God that one day you will be happy because you are not destined to be happy. You're only destined to make other people happy."

Parang gusto ko ng maniwala. Imagine, I am sick and yet a lot of people are still blessed by my disposition, by my laughter, by my words, by my strength.

If only they know the tears I am shedding everyday.

The pain I am enduring randomly....

Haizt, no one cares to know. No one cares to listen.

They just like watching my every move.

And ask how I am making it each day with such a strength, such laughs, such smiles, such moves. Then shake my hands to say-- " You are a blessing to me....".

Sometimes, I wish this would end...that I go home but I always choose to stay because of one person I wish to see and be with. Yes, am still hoping for the elusive happiness. But somehow, I get weak. I also lose my sight somehow...and I sleep with tears.

Gusto kong pumunta sa isang lugar na ako naman ang pangingitiin at patatawanin...hindi ng isang clown kundi ng kagaya ng mga nakita ko sa mall at sa jeep. Gusto kong kumilos ng walang batas at patakaran na nagdidikta kung paano ako kikilos.

Gusto kong sumaya isang araw,....hindi pansamantalang saya kundi panghabambuhay.

Gusto kong lumaya sa karamdamang ito.

Gusto ko pa ring tuparin ang lahat ng gusto kong gawin,

para sa pamilya..... kahit natapos ko na.

para sa Lord ..... kahit araw-araw ay ganun na.

para sa ibang tao...... kahit sapat na...

para sa aking sarili......wala pa akong nagagawa kahit isa!

Haizt....

Your Love

Your love,

so true,

so real,

it's here

and there's nothin' I can say,

it's like sugar to my coffee,

and cream to my shakes.

It turns into many colors,

giving shape to lifeless blue.

nothing else

could turn things like this,

like what

your love can do.

Sometimes I know

it frustrates you a lot,

to see me but can't be hold.

to listen to every word senseless

word I say.

to share things as if we're

really sharing,

to stay beside me

as you're really staying.

and when connections fail,

there you are and me,

a big, big gap of wall called distance.

I also sometimes know

your wonderings about me,

the mix feelings of uncertainties,

which you never,never want to disclose.

so you rely on reading me,

on feeling me,

on trusting me,

and on loving me.

But am thankful,

and I feel wonderful to have

such love from you.

so cool, so patient, so lovely.

as lovely as each morning

that comes to my life each day.

as lovely as the stars in the sky,

that shines on my every night.

as lovely as every flower

I see..

as lovely...

as lovely.

So I spend my nights and my days

staying beside you,

and you staying beside me,

really staying.

And I wish you know how much

I cherish each moment with you.

How much I love loving you.

and how many wishes I have,

( Oh, I know most of those wishes are impossible)

Oh, it hurts.

but I cast them anyway..., preadventure.

for your love.

maraming salamat po..

Who Are You

entre: "How Sweet It is To be Loved By You"


Who are you ?
who invaded my world,
made one my two dimensions,
made green my wasted earth
because I didn't care anymore.

Who are you?
who fixed my broken bridges
and connected the broken lines that sounds can be heard again.
who allied my brain and heart
that they agree again.

Who are you?
who planted trees and flowering plants all over my place,
to make living full of feelings.
who watered the withered ones with love and care,
so I will notice again.

Who are you?
who keep the waves rolling and the rain falling,
when I stopped looking out on my territory.
who made me realized the rank I left and so come back.
who kept my candles burning at night.

Who are you?
who changed my mind.
who made me accept that two is better than one.
who filled my world with happiness.
who made each day better ones.

Who are you? Yes, who are you?
and how dare you do that to me... ha ha ha ha

Yes, you are the one who loves me
and the one I love so true.

You, who makes each day a moment to never forget.
I want you not to stop doing those things,
coz I love being hugged by you.
I love being kissed by you.
I love being with you.
and I don't know how it is without you around..
it'll be so hard to breath!

And I want you around me forever and ever.


end: Something In The Way She Moves

Copy....Pasted!

Song: Nothing's Gonna Change My Love For You

I stopped making journal about my progress & failure in RHD. I thought that it is just a vanity. That if I'll be dead, even I will not read it! hahahaha!!

I resolved that I will go on with my normal life. Period. Whatever normal means. hahaha!

Yesterday I took a time to go out.... of course, as usual....alone! It's a good timing that rain is falling hard.... I toured around Plaridel! Nyahaha! Kay layo ng narating ko...walang ka thrill -thrill!! Hindi sana ako magdadala ng payong ( may bantay kasi ). Or, kusa kong iwawala ang payong...hahahha!!! Yan ang normal sa akin! Hindi normal pag may dala akong payong!

Ang lamig ng panahon but coke float tasted so gooood! And I finally found the Egyptian bangle I was looking for, accidentally. But I forgot to buy it because I hurried to the last full show of

X-men First Class, the movie. It's a favorite series of mine. I never miss watching it. It's a sci-fi action one but come to laugh at my reaction........ naiyak ako! nyahahaha! Siguro, kung may kasama ako, nabatukan ako ng wala sa panahon!

Well, le' me share some excerpts that copy-pasted to this brain of mine.

"You want the society to accept you, but you can't accept yourself." Acceptance by others become genuine when we have known first to accept ourselves-- who we are, what we are, our weaknesses, ugliness, our being different from others. No two people are alike,( that's why in truth, there is no such thing as "compatibility". Two people stay together and liked each other because they have learned to blend together, with their own differences, that made them compliment each other.). With acceptance comes being proud of who and what we are.... and that is not evil. It's an appreciation to an honest creation.

" No more hiding...". Why should you? Once Carmi Martin blurted, " If you have it, flaunt it!" We hide because we're afraid to be confronted, criticized, rejected or obsessively accepted by others. We don't need to camouflage ourselves. Let go.

It's like:

"It is me! I don't act like my age, nor think like one. Say what you want, but I am not really a funny person.... I only have a happy disposition. I think like Psyduck, the Pokemon! And most of all...... my skin is yellowish! ahahahahaha!!! Ui, wala akong jaundice, hereditary yan!"

Pwede mo 'yang dagdagan ng...

" I can read the future. I can predict the end of the world . I can fly like spiderman and climb tall buildings like badzmaru!! ahahaha! " Kahit ano'ng idagdag mo, okay lang basta 'wag mo itago!

"I never thought that I still have that soft part in my unconscious." and the touching reply, " You're not all rage and hatred... there is a kind part within you."--we all have a soft and kinder part within us. Man was originally created sinless until sin came in. That explains the kinder and softer part within each of us.

"Focus lies between rage and serenity. " Whatever "power" you have within (except kilikili power and bad breath....hahaha!), it will not come out in full blast unless we come to the point between rage (our pains, hurt, anger, sadness) and serenity. The "calmness" point of our mind and emotion, like the "eye of the typhoon".

" Promise me, you'll never read my mind again."-- What made this line striking? C'mon, I need a little space here! hahaha! Do you??

A lot of people now have become aware of what I said above... aware.... aware.....hmmm. Kaya nga dumadami na ang mga ninja sa FB at vampires sa Ameba Pico. Dumadami na din ang mga clanists..... patunay na kahit walang realidad, sinisikap ng marami na tuklasin kung sino, ano at ano ang meron siya at wala na silang takot na ihantad ang kani-kanilang katauhan! Ngunit dumarami din ang mga nagpapanggap.... nagpapalit ng katauhan, at nagpapalit-anyo!!

Parang naging movie review ang post ko na ito ah, but... wala eh, malakas ang ulan! And the rain keeps falling on my head!!

Baha na sa tribe namin sa Batangas. Puyat ako kasi I am monitoring.... the rain! Nag evacuate na mga tao sa amin. Hayyz I should have known that time like this will come... napasobra pahinga ko.... sobra!

Told ya-- to me, life can be simplified to make it happier!

End:

" If I have to live my life without you near me,

the days would all be empty.

The nights would seem so long.

With you I see forever wrote so clearly,

I might have been in love before,

But never felt this strong...

......... hold me now, touch me now..

I don't want to live without you..."

You are not What You Say You Are

I received a comment by phone saying.... ya can tell everyone this is you and that is you....but it is not all you! Ahahahaha!! That's a friend on the other line.

Well, let me do some editing on two of my posts on surveys in Fb na panglibang trip lng with my real serious answers.. no ala FB air! hahaha!


POST NO.2.

Ang Gusto Ko Sa Isang BF??? nyahahahahha!!! Pak! ( Katuwaan Lang...Matawa lang! Ang KJ-- Pangeett! haha!)

by Tisha Santiago on Saturday, June 4, 2011 at 12:52pm

BOYFRIEND POTENTIAL SURVEY:
1. Dapat ba gwapo?
ans. Not so. but a good fresh look is better.
2. Matalino?
ans. Hindi kailangang matalino.. madiskarte at may common sense lang .
3. Preferred Age?
ans. Of my age. Or if younger...not too young. If older, at least 2-4 yrs older than me.
4. Preferred height?
<3 taller
5. How about sense of humor?
ans. I won't see a man who's so serious, formal and too legal. A good sense of humor is a mucho plus. I also won't date a man who's loud and bragging or someone who's so problematic.
6. How about piercings?
ans. I want my man, piercings free.
7. Accepts you for who you are?
ans. Yeah!
8. Pink hair?
<3 wehh....akin nlng un!
9. Mushy or no?
ans. No. I like a clean-cut, fresh looking man whom you can kiss anytime.
10. Thin or fat?
<3 ahhh....ahhhh....kaayusan
11. Moreno or chinito or mestizo?
ans. pwede but much preferred a pinoy look.
12. Long hair or short hair?
<3 short
13. Plastic or metal?
ans. transparent. Someone's who's honest and sincere.
14. Smells good?
<3 yeah! super !!
15. Smoker?
ans. Can be. Very seldom are men who don't smoke.But am hoping he can respect my smoke allergy.
16. Drinker?
ans. But not an alcoholic.

17. Boy-next-door type?
ans. it's not my type.
18. Musically inclined?
ans. not so
19. Plays piano?
<3 wag na!!

20. Plays bass and/or acoustic
guitar?
<3 pwede!!
21. Plays violin?
<3 optional....di nmn mailuluto yn! hahha
22. Sings very good?
<3 tama na ung aq nlng ang maingay! haha
23. Vain?
<3 yeah, clean!!
24. With glasses?
<3 no need pare!
25. With braces?
< teenager??
26. Shy type?
<3 wag nmn!!
27. Rebel or good boy?
<3 good boy
28. Active or passive?
<3 active
29. Tight or bomb?
ans. moderate
30. Singer or dancer?
<3 doesn't matter
31. Suplado?
<3 ngeks!!! ayaw!
32. Hiphop?
<3 hmmmm......

33. Earrings?
<3 di pwede!
35. Torpe?
ans. No! no! no!
36. Mr. Count-my-ex-girlfriends-until-you-drop?
ans. Basta ako yung last!
37. Dimples?
ans. fine but not needed.
38. Bookworm?
ans. pwede but not a plus point.
39. Mr. Love letter?
ans. yeah! I like a sweet and romantic man.
40. Makulit?
<3 Oo, pra pareho kmi.
41. Flirt?
<3 no way jose!
42. Poem writer?
<3 plus point
43. Serious?
ans. serious to me!
44. Campus crush?
<3 aba, eh di proud!
45. Painter?
<3 plus 1000x points!!
46. Religious?
<3 believer is enough.. religious????????? allergic!
47. Alaskador?
<3 wahahahahahhahahha!!!!!
48. Computer games geek? Or
internet freak?
<3 fine as fine as d pine tree!!

49. Speaks 20 languages?
<3 break na kmi ni jose rizal!! bawal balikan ang nakaraan! nyahahha!
50. Loyal o faithful?
<3 natural.
51. Tattoos?
<3 wag lng ahas, at dragon naka tattoo....pwede na name q! wahahaha

52. Motorbike or bicycle or walking or automobile type of guy?
<3 kahit ano.....pero mas type q, commuting guy!! ahaha
53. A good cook or not?
<3 yeah...super yeah! because I love to eat.Let our cooking talent blend.
54. Shops at expensive outlets or whatever?
<3 whatever
55. Has a deep concern for his family or the whatever type?
ans. Of course.

56. Hates children?
ans. He should love chidren.

57. Is a certified daredevil?
ans. No!!..
58. Has chest hair?
ans. I prefer a less hairy guy.
59. Can make you laugh even at the most serious of times?
< super yes!
60. Visits your dreams?
ans. Not necessary.

POST NO.1

Katuwaan...Pantanggal ng Stress,Pang time out! "92 Truths About Me"

by Tisha Santiago on Wednesday, April 13, 2011 at 8:41am

92 Truths About Me
by Charity De Vera on Tuesday, April 12, 2011 at 11:52pm
NAME: Maritess F. Santiago
AGE: 46
BIRTHDATE: March 27
PRESENT ADDRESS: Bulacan
WHAT WAS YOUR:
1. last beverage = D Bar! hahaha
2. last phone call = Shrek
3. last text message = "Halerness!!" from Mhercy

4. last song you listened to = "Rich Girl" (Gwen Stefani)

5. last time you cried = nung birhday q.

HAVE YOU EVER:
6. dated someone twice = Yes
7. been cheated on = Yes. ahaha
8. kissed someone & regretted it =No way. I don't regret things that I do.
9. lost someone special = Yes.
10. been depressed = yes..twice.
11. been drunk and threw up = Never but lately I did. Mis read label.
LIST THREE FAVORITE COLORS:
12. Black
13. Blue
14. White


LAST YEAR (2010), HAVE YOU:
15. Made a new friend = YES!!!!!
16. Fallen out of love = Yes.
17. Laughed until you cried = Yes nag pakantahin aq ng "Ikaw" mtpos aq painumin ng d bar!!haha
18. Met someone who changed you = Not yet
19. Found out who your true friends were = YES
20. Found out someone was talking about you = Yes,blooming daw aketch!
21. Kissed anyone on your FB friend's list : Yes. in FT.
GENERAL:
22. How many people on your FB friends list do you know in real life = 80%
24. Do you have any pets = none. I don't like pets. I'm allergic to hair and some smell.
25. Do you want to change your name = yes. My name has a bitter meaning.
26. What did you do for your last birthday = I bought myself a weird bangle
27. What time did you wake up today = I didn't sleep.
28. What were you doing at midnight last night = Playing Pico
29. Name something you CANNOT wait for = mag travel again.
30. Last time you saw your Mother = April 7
31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life = nothing...seryoso??
32. What are you listening to right now = utak q pa din... shall I believe or not?
33. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom?= Hu's dat??
34. What's getting on your nerves right now = nothing by now. hahaha!
35. Most visited webpage = Fb, Yahoo,Blogspot, Youtube
37. Nickname = Tisha
38. Relationship Status = In a relationship
39. Zodiac sign = Aries
40. He or She = a she... away ??
41. Elementary = Dona Ata Elementary School, Marulas, Val., MMla
42. High School = Manila Central University
43. College = Centro Escolar Univ./ Mt. Carmel College
44. Hair color = Black and Brown
45. Long or short = medium
46. Height = 5'2"
47. Do you have a crush on someone? = no.
48. What do you like about yourself? = everything
49. Piercings = yes
50. Tattoos= minsan
51. Righty or lefty= middle...lower back
FIRSTS :
52. First surgery= appendectomy
53. First piercing = My ear
54. First best friend = Trill Born, Phoenix Rein
55. First sport you joined = Taekwondo
56. First vacation = Macau
58. First pair of trainers = sketchers
RIGHT NOW:
59. Eating = yes
60. Drinking = coffee
61. I'm about to = surf the net and study trading
62. Listening to = Runaway (Bruno Marz)
63. Waiting for = my antok to set in.
YOUR FUTURE :
64. Want kids? = no more.
65. Get Married?= wish ko lng.

66. Career? = Yes na yes!
WHICH IS BETTER :
67. Lips or eyes = eyes
68. Hugs or kisses= both?
69. Shorter or taller = Taller
70. Older or Younger = Both
71. Romantic or spontaneous = Both
72. Nice stomach or nice arms = both
73. Sensitive or loud = Both
74. Hook-up or relationship = relationship
75. Trouble maker or hesitant = hesistant
HAVE YOU EVER :
76. Kissed a stranger = No
77. Drank hard liquor = Yes
78. Lost glasses/contacts = yes always
79. Sex on first date = No
80. Broke someone's heart = yeah!
81. Had your own heart broken = Lagi
82. Been arrested = nope.
83. Turned someone down = yes!
84. Cried when someone died = yes, of course!
85. Fallen for a friend = muntik na!
DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
86. Yourself = Always..aq lng nmn to lagi eh.
87. Miracles = Yes
88. Love at first sight = weh!
89. Heaven = Yes
90. Santa Claus = Aq un eh!
91. Kiss on the first date = No
92. Angels = Yes

I'm not always that happy go happy gal, who's always smiling, singing, dancing and talk my way into a crowd. Am quite shy, really,.. but I loaded myself with humor...a crisp humor but not the kind everyone is thinking. In fact ,iyakin ako behind my katapangan at lakas ng loob.
I do have "trip-trip" also. Just like anybody else, it reflects who I am.
These things are superficial....material....physical. What's going on inside my head is something I admit I have learned to hide from others. I grew up solving my own problems without my parents and guardians knowing. I don't believe easily. My reservations are up to protect myself from hurt because truth is di pa ako nakaranas sumaya eversince....and I just got tired of hurting...that's why.
Others mistaken my silence for kayabangan .... my silence is a sign that I don't like what's going on, about something I have no control of. And when I see that I cannot do something to change the situation... I move away...silently.
I always like the short story of "The Prince and the Fox", where the fox said to the Prince who want to befriend the wild fox, "...you will sit down beside me and look at me silently..then I shall see you from the corners of my eyes."
I know....this is still not everything... hahaha.

There is You

song: " Even if the sun refuse to shine..
Even if we live in different times.
Even if the ocean left the sea...
There would still be you and me..."


Yeah, I just didn't know how it happen-
but there was you....
and now it is you.
What magic is there
that you seem to claim all of my days?
and the spaces that surround me..
It was so abrupt but took so slow.
so slow but abruptly caught my mind.
ha! ha! ha! but it is beautiful!
So beautiful like a dream in a full moon shine!
That when you're not around,
the minutes seems so slow.
the days seem like years.
and am missing you!
What a mystery it is.
only our minds talk,
our sticks walk hand in hand,
our keyboards spell the words,
and voices fall in random with whatever time is left unsaid.
But there is You and Me.
And it's amazing and impressive,
how things work out.
I wish this is not an illusive dream.
Shall I see you?
Shall I let you hold my hands?
Shall I let your kiss on my lips?
Shall I let you dance me all night through?
Shall I spend my days with you?
Oh yes I shall let you.
So you will know,
that there's You..... and there is Me.
and there's Us
here, face to face, together... you and I.
and we're not dreaming,
and it's not virtual.
it's what we're waiting for.
and those moments would be beautiful.
And when time for me to go,
You're in my heart and never leave.
I'll take your love with me.
And my sleep would be forever dreaming of you.
Am glad you're here,
so glad no words to say-
but " I love you."
Am glad there is You..... and Me.


end song : " Even if the world will disappear
Even if the clouds will shed no tear.
Even if tonight was just a dream,
There would still be you and me." <3




activity: testing for new meds... hope this will be negative for any reactions.
3 lab tests to come.
wish my ESR level comes down.

School of Thoughts

My brother said to me:

Time comes that you have to make a choice to give up something to keep yourself. Though you have a body, soul and spirit.... without your body-- you're an illegal resident here!!

A dear friend said:

God loves you more than the things you do for Him because who's gonna do those things if you're not around anymore?

But my dad said :

No one is indespensable. If you can't do it, someone will be raised up to do it on your place.

Sino ba ang may ayaw na gawin ang isang dakilang bagay para sa Dios?

Another friend said :

God doesn't need anybody to do things for Him.. He's all powerful! See His acts with the Muslims to tell them about Him...in visions! He can do things even without us.

My brother said:

It's an old school thought. We are not slaves of God.

Hehehehe!! Tama!

I said:

Ako naman ngayon. hi hi hi!

Cloudy morning.

Sometimes keeping positive makes a downfall when you're "tryins" just won't work..... you can't help it but dive in.

But I resolve not to... but the more I resolve not to, the more I feel the dive.

The more I want to avoid asking.. the more deeper the dive gets.

I hope something could be done when everybody say " let's just hope for a miracle."

Butterfly Life Cycle p2...haha

The previous days were very difficult for me.....( it's my almost 2 months on indefinite leave from work.) The pain goes on and off. Above all these, I avoided the following to help me get through each day....because I know and I can feel where I am heading to.

1. get sad and be depressed. Depression and constant sadness....they won't help. It will only aggravate the situation. It will also deplete the body's healing process. So from mornings on towards the night, I produce a happy atmosphere in the house and in any place I go. Music helps a lot. And I pamper myself with every thing I like to do, from taking a bath to work in the office.

Exercise became my twice activity each day... and I chose dancing to stimulate my muscles, bones and all. A once a week body massage gives not only relaxation but also a therapy to my veins.

I got a little conscious with the food I eat.

I get away from my cellphones once in a while. It's stressing to have your cp's always near. When it's near me... I tone down it's ringtone, so I won't be pressured to answer it. Let them text! hahaha

I make friends. I talk a lot. This way, you will see others' point of views and learn from them. I sometimes counsel people in distress. I can't avoid them when they get to me. They help me think positive.

I do some breathing exercises..... on showers! Wehhh.... yun ang trip ko! Bahala ka sa trip mo! The falling water from the shower to my head and back really helps in my " letting go"" exercise.... I do these two exercises daily...... it frees the mind from worries and anxieties. It can help you think clearly.

2. lethargy and idle moments.

3. listening to the worries of other people over me. It is normal that they do because they care. So I tried to know my limits and work only on the boundaries of my limitations.

Tomorrow, I 'll be in the Philippine Heart Center to see what could be done to prolong....hehehe.. of course, my life!

I'll miss facebook. nyahahaha!

" Butterfly Life Cycle"

For now and the following days to come let me talk about an illness which science has paid a little attention to.... searching the MIMS Philippines and International, science only got one remedy for it once the illness strike at it's worst blow. And the remedy is not a cure but just an instrument to slow down the process going down to the pit. At the last phase, surgery seems just a relief but not even the cure of it. It's like a life cycle of a butterfly!

There is only --prevention to the disease, and prevention starts as early as a mild sore throat begins.

Yeah, this illness flowers from a simple untreated tonsillitis coupled with fever. And tonsillitis strikes all children even adults. I got that always when I was in elementary age. I remember not going to school a lot because of it. But because I grew up in a decade where tonsillitis was classified as "lagnat laki"... aspilets were enough. No doctor ever bothered to look inside my pussed throat. Until one morning, I woke up to find out I can no longer walk because of painful joints, swollen tendons, and nose bleed. Only then was I rushed to a children hospital in Manila and was diagnosed with rheumatic heart disease (RHD). I surpassed the "fever" state! Shucks! It leveled up!

Penadure, aspirin and prednisone organon became my friends! But later on, I developed an allergic reaction to the very remedy of this aw aw illness...penadure and aspirin! The doctors shifted me to erythromycin for propillaxis which upsets my stomach daily! Until I developed mitral stenosis! The end of it all!

Penadure is an injectible penicillin. And it's effectiveness on a patient is only up to early adulthood. That I am disqualified now! ahaha

I was a veggie for two months, and as expected my family prepared for my demise. An open heart surgery has a 50/50 chance because of my very weak resistance. My dad's resolve was to wait for a miracle while I decided to just let go and flow.

Miracle did came.... how did it happened? I don't know.... all I know was that it's a work of God. God heard the pleadings of my family. Water was the first thing I asked for when I woke up...and friend chicken! ahahaha

I led a normal life afterwards. Get on with life.

Rheumatic fever according to my research is an autonomic illness which means the body's defense acts against the body....that in the swelling of the tonsils. It strikes one in every 1000 kids. And propillaxis must be taken even after the healing. That I failed to do.

And now am in my 40's and I got it again. I wish like cancer, science will find a cure for this to kill the antibodies turned enemies in my bloodstream. That science will find a cure.... a real cure.

Now I am living on substitute propillaxis to prevent another mitral stenosis.....errr not prevent, but to slow down it's scarring....haizt!

Laughter is the best medicine...

Scrapbook Poems

Music: Okay by Iyaz

One:

What could be more beautiful than
seeing a seed transform into a tiny plant?
...than a bud blossoms into a flower?
... than seeing you just looking at me
without a word nor a hush?

Your smiles send the blues away,
ushering the rain and the storm which I like...
... the rain and the storm remind me of you
and it saddens my heart.


Two:

I wish I could say how much
you mean to my world..
But I cannot
...because I was afraid that you
will just say "No".

Three:

The days are beautiful because you are in my world.
But no longer,
when you stepped out without a word.

Four:

Look at me! Look at me!
and not the other way!
It would be happier if our eyes will meet
and our hearts understand! Ha! ha!

Five:

I am waiting for you....
I wish you will come in summertime,
Where
all flowers bloom,
and clouds are high.
the sun stands gaily
as kites and birds fly by.

Six:

Each day is a pleasure...
to see you
just staring out there,
looking my way.

Can't we just make things happen?
Can we make it real?
Shall we cross boundaries
and meet halfway?

Seven:

When you came,
all my blues wept away,
all my fears chased away.

Oh, I can never look into your eyes,
because you will see my love,
oh, you will see
how much you mean to me.


Scrapbooking is fun... colored papers and cuts out are not the only ones you can use to make your scrapbooks alive, but also with what from your heart and mind...


end music: clumsy by fergie