Na Naman!

Wala akong maisulat.... na naman!!  Bumababa na ang view score ng blog ko. Wala akong maisulat kasi ang daming laman ng utak ko na di kayang i-translate ng mga daliri ko! Masakit nag kalooban ko kaya naisip kong patawanin ang aking sarili.,... alalahanin ang mga korning bagay na nagawa ko, sadya at hindi sadya. Oo, aaminin ko na -- late bloomer ako, hindi dahil ipinanganak akong kulang sa buwan.... sakto ako sa siyam na buwan! Bkit ako late bloomer? Ei.... nanay ko rin-- hindi niya alam! Ako pa kaya ang makaalam?

Umpisahan ntin ang pag-alaala sa mga namayapa ko ng karanasan ...

mmmmmmm..........

Natatandaan ko, noong maliit pa ako ang daming halaman sa bakuran ng bahay namin. Paborito kong lugar ang garden ni Ina. Ayy, na miss ko bigla si Ina. Nakikita ko si Ina sa panaginip pag hindi na ako makahinga sa problema. Hindi ako natatakot kahit maraming mahigit isang dekada nang namayapa si Ina. Naaalala ko pa din ang kanyang garden. Noong pumunta ako sa Babatnin, pilit kong inaalala sa aking isip ang lugar ng kanyang garden. Paborito ko ang amoy ng adelfa sa kanyang garden. Alam ko na kung bakit down-to-earth ang beauty ko. Noong mga panahon kasing 'yun, trip kong tumikim ng bibinga ( basag na paso)! hahahaha!
Panlasa yata ang pangkilala ko ng mga bagay--- hindi naman ako bulag! Trip kong tikman ang lahat ng bulaklak sa hardin. Lipstick ko ang bulaklak ng Alembong at kwintas ko ang bulaklak ng calamansi. Nahahawakan ko pa ang mga palakang petot, at kaya ko pang dumakma ng palakang saging. Daigdig ko ang hardin ni Ina. Sa kawayanan namin, siyang-siya ako sa pagpapaputok ng mga bulaklak ng ligaw na strawberries. Maghalungkat ng mga pugad ng dagang bukid at hipan ang mga baboy-babuyan sa lupa.....ei, nakakaaliw isipin, masarap maging bata.

Sa Valenzuela naiba ang daigdig ko....lumaki, lumawak, ibang-iba.... naiba rin ang ugali ko. Natuto akong manapak at maging palaaway...lalo kapag natutukso akong pangit, negrita at ampon! Awtz!
Sabi ng kaibigan kong si Alexis, pinulot daw kasi ako sa bangka!

Pakiramdam ko nawawala ako noon....litong-lito at bobong-bobo! Uyyy nagkakamedalya pala sa Maynila ang mga bobong katulad ko! hahahahahahaha Boba ang negritang etitch!

May picture kami ng Birhen ng Lourdes. Marami itong dekorasyong pine cones. Nililinis ko ito araw-araw. "Gusto kong maging birhen balang araw." sa isip-isip ko. Ang ganda ng damit niyang asul at puti. "Ano kaya itsura ko kung birhen na ako?" tanong ko sa sarili ko. Biglang tumikom ang mga pine cones!! Nanlaki mga mata ko..tandang-tanda ko pa, pinipilit kong ibuka mga yun.  Nagtataka ako. Magiging birhen ako?? Hahahaha!

Madaldal ako sa klase...madalas ako makurot ng teacher! Bakit ba hindi pa noon iniuso yung Child Abuse Law? Pero hindi ako napaparusahan ng pagdipa sa harap ng blackboard, kasi laging inaako ng pinsan ko ang parusa sa akin.

Pero noong high school na ako, naging demure na ang beauty ko. Ikaw ba naman ang papremyuhan ng palo at kurot kapag kilos lalaki ka, madaldal at takbo ng takbo...at praktisin sa tuwi-tuwina ng

"Ganito ang tamang paglakad ng isang babae!" Pak!
"Ganito magsalita ang isang babae!" Aww
"Ganito maupo ang isang babae!" Aaaaa
"Ganito kumain ang isang babae !" grrr

Ganito mabwisit ang isang babaeng pinipilit maging maria clara!

REBOLUSYON!!! PUNITIN ANG MGA DYARYO SA KUSINA!!!!

Hayy buhay!

Minsan, may taglay din akong katamaran .... ikaw na masipag!
Umaakyat na lang ako sa puno pag gusto ko kumain ng bayabas at star epol....sabay balibag sa bubong ng kapitbahay ang mga balat nito. Kahit naman hanggang ngayon, sa ilalim nlang ng puno ng saging ko kinakain ang mga saba..... fresh from the banana tree!

Tinutruan akong manalangin noong maliit ako...pero dumarating yung napapagod kang manalangin sa dami ng hinaharap mong suliranin. isinulat ko mga prayers ko sa papel..inilatag ko sa bubong bahay at hiniling ko na God na lng ang magbasa para sa akin. Ngayon tinatanong ko kung nabasa kaya ng God? Pinatulan kaya ng God ang ginawa ko?

Kung mainit at ayoko magpaypay.... inilalatag ko ang aking comforter sa terrace kong kawayan, di baleng masilaw sa liwanag ng buwan, wag lng magpaypay.Di baleng gisingin ng pagkalbit ng mga patpat na hawak ng mga bata....nakalawit ang aking mga paa sa silat ng kawayan.

Minsan ko ng sinubok ang Dios.... " Lord, wala akong pera...heto ang kahon, lagyan mo ng pera. Wait ko ha, matutulog muna ako. Dapat pag gising ko, may pera na sa loob ng kahon. Hmmmm... pwede bang gawin mong P2000 ang ilagay mo sa kahon?" ... sasabayan ko ng tulog.... at ang kahon? nasa terrace, matiyagang naghihintay sa kamay ng Dios, sa ilalim ng sinag ng buwan!  Pag gising ko sa umaga...puno ang kahon.... puno ng tubig hamog! nyahahahahha

Akala mo si Gideon lng ang may twalyang tuyo? Ako din..
"Iyan ba ang lalaking para sa akin? O Lord, pag tuyo ang twalyang ito sa umaga...siya na nga!" Inilatag ko ang twalya sa damuhan sa ilalim ng gabi. Kinaumagahan, tuyo nga ang twalya..... may pumulot kasi at isinampay sa loob ng bahay!

Hindi ako takot mamatay...ewan ko kung bakit...siguro kasi handa ako kahit naong oras. Handa akong humarap sa Dios anytime. Wala akong pakialam kung walang katig ang bangka o may butas. Basta, wag lng mababasa cellphone ko!

Ayan tinatamad na naman ako.... may sumisignal sa likod ng utak ko na.. "Tama na...lasing ka ba?"
"Hindi ah."

Tinatamad na nga ako.... hayy salamat, tinamad din ako! hahahahahaha


gudnyt

Lulay sa Dapit-umaga

it's 1:11 am...thursday.

Isang oras na tumigil ang pagsusulat ko..... nakatingin lng sa monitor..... nakasalpak ang headset sa tenga....."Maybe" by Secondhand Serenade.

Hindi ko alam iisipin ko... kapag pala sobrang masakit isipin ang isang bagay, hindi ka makakaiyak.
Tama ang mga nararamdaman ko. Tama ang mga nakita ko noon.
Ano ba ginagawa ko dito?
Bakit ako nagtitiis?
Bakit ako nanahimik?
Bakit pinalalampas ko na lng ang mga bagay na hindi ko magustuhan?
Ano meron sa kalooban ko?
Hindi ako mabait.
Hindi ako mabuting tao.
May mga nagagawa din akong mali.
Ginagawa ko lang ang mga bagay kasi masaya akong gawin ang 'yun.
Wala na akong ibang dahilan.
Ibig sbihin ba nagtitiis ako dahil masaya akong ginagawa ang pagtitiis?
Hindi.
Masakit ang magtiis. Pero bakit?
Kasi cguro mahal ko ang mga tao sa mundo ko.
Ako ba, mahal nila?
Bakit sa tuwing lalapit ako sa Dios, naiiyak ako?
Kasi mahal Niya ako. Ramdam ko un.
Bakit pag iniisip ko ang mga pangit na damdaming bunga ng mga naririnig ko
Hindi ako naiiyak..
Ang mga tao... hindi ako naiiyak.
Siguro, hindi ko kasi nararamdamang mahal nila ako.
Ang nararamdaman ko lang...kasi kailangan nila ako.
Sa panahon ng aking pag-iisa
ng kalungkutan....( marunong din akong malungkot)
ng hirap
at pagtitiis... ng pananahimik..
kape ang kasama ko!
ayun eh!
Di bale isang araw, mawawala din ako.
Hindi na ako babalik.
Hindi na ako makikita pa.
Ilan ang iiyak?
Ilan ang maghahanap?
Gaya noong araw....
Gaya noong araw......

Not over yet

A friend of mine visited me one night. We didn't see each other for quite a long time. It was an unexpected visit because I don't expect him to see me again. We had a little argument before.. an argument that led me to  distance from him and our other friends.

We took tea at Figaro' and had a formal talk. He knows me.. I never smile at a delinquent friend.  He held out his hands and gave me the handshake only us recognize.

"Where have you been? What have you been doing? " he asked me.
" The usual." I said.
" Why on earth did you chose to live in that place?"
" I like it there.. I can see the left from the right."
"When are you going to transfer to Manila?" he asked.
" In time." I said.
" I feel so old. I feel like am 60 years old." he said.. " since I took the rest. " he said.
"Because you rested". I replied.
"Aren't you?" he asked in return.
" I did. Am a lovergirl now." I took a grin.
" Bruha, di bagay sau!" he retorted.

" No kidding, I feel am old..so old." he repeated.
I looked at him and I said, "yeah, you are. "
"It is not good that I rest...five years is too long. I feel so old."
" It is. We age when we rest. I lose my sight when I rest." I said.

We ate.

"What is the point of seeing me tonight?" I asked.
" Don't you want to stop resting? There are tournaments now. The prizes are not bad. The ranks are on a plateau." he answered.
" I have beaten my swords into plowshares two years ago. "

The conversation was long. The atmosphere got warmed -up........ and a riot happened just outside Figaro building.

"We are attracting violence, let's walk and find another coffee shop."

We were talking about spiritual matters. He was asking me to go back to warfare. We are a team. For 16 years, we were able to established a team that made a tract record in both worlds, altering and changing some of the unchangeable things, yet we were not recognized in the limelight... darkness knows who we are and so darn eager to annihilate our team. For so many times did the cults and the occult took a look at us, face to face, with minds speaking of threats and curses. So many times did they ran to our houses to harm us but the power of Jesus Christ drove them away.
Christ's blood is so powerful to cover my family to keep them safe.

"Engage. Let's go back." he said.

We headed home. A small child rode the jeepney we were in. He was a little boy talking about how he was agravated by his brother who snatched a cellphone from someone.

That is enough.

The spiritual warfare is similar in some ways to online war games like Wings of Destiny, Gods' War, Warcraft and the like in scenario... one has to level up, know skills and enhance them. But the fighting are different. The physical skills must be there together with the spiritual skills, both operating at one time. Accuracy and perfection of plans must be strictly carried out. One cannot afford to commit a mistake. A mistake will cause a nation's demise, or whatever. God's plan will not be perfectly carried out if there is a mistake. We only hear from heaven-- commands and instructions. And the battle is real, in the heavenlies.


"How much is the price in the tournament in Mindanao?" I asked.
"Maliit lng. "
" Ok. I will join."


"May bagyo,....c Pablo." he said.
" La un... makikiraan lng un."


I can't take the face of that child from my mind.
I cannot stop.

Selah

It's 2:30am.... I have to write this bago aq mag expire to sleep and continue with my endless work the next day... in case I forget.

A hot black coffee and mamon is a good way to relax while writing this post, drifting back to many weeks that pass by. Countless disappointments, frustrations, tiredness due to overwork, overplay and over rest ! Over talaga! I became so irritated, cranky, sickly, jealous and  withdrawn... yes, withdrawn! I stayed away from friends and people. . Yes, when you over do things, you will end up with feelings like mine. Until guilt came in because I tend to over react even over simple matters... I felt guilt sipping in coupled with loneliness.... I wanna die! Even in games I capped my taunt, "Pls. kill me." Avatar na lng di pa pinatawad. And I noticed am losing the glow on my skin. My samsonite hair shew some changes that seems to tell me I have to do something.


Our body has the capacity to heal itself along with our capacity to kill it without using any weapon. I slept long. I want to be revive. I went to the church, the songs we sang spoke to my heart,

"yes, I am wrong but I don't have the strength to undo what I did, nor have the strength not to do the things I must not do."

" yes, I know what to do but how will I do it?"

" all I can say is, "Am sorry. I am wrong. please forgive me."

My heart is void of words to say my prayers, that all I can say is.,

"You know me even before time, You know my thoughts and my heart, please understand what I want to say. Am void of words."


And I heard the word, "Selah !" in a command tense.


Selah is a Hebrew word which means  " Pause and Breath "


Take a Selah !, my spirit groans.

I did.

And the Lord said in my heart, as if I am a novice in front of Him. His Word echoed in the place.


There is no sin that God the Father in heaven cannot forgive when you receive Jesus in your heart.
No sin he cannot wash away and no sin stain he cannot make white when you ask His forgiveness through faith in Christ.


God is a father not a taskmaster, nor a judge, instead He Himself made a solution for us to avoid judgement before Him, He sent Jesus to take the judgement and punishment which is supposed to be ours, upon Himself.


And I said, "I'm sorry, forgive me. I am forgetting."  And these words flashed on the overhead screen:


Jesus said, " Come unto Me, ALL you who are weary and are burdened and I will give you REST..."
(Matthew 11:28)


"Come now and let us reason together, says the Lord : No matter how deep the stain f your sins, I can take it out and make you as clean, as freshly fallen snow. Even if you are stained as red as crimson, I can make you white as wool." ( Isaiah 1:18)


I rest my case. I took a Selah..... my long walk became a time to speak with God. I want my old me.


" You are very tired and you have forgotten to sit with Me. Your soul is so weary. You have forgotten that your joy is not on the things that surround you, it is inside your heart where My Spirit is. The normal life you want is not the normal life I designed for you. You will die when you depart from your design. You will wither like the flowers in your vase. I am your air. I am your life. I am your youth. I am your Father." says the Lord.


Rest.

Rest in the Lord.

                                           Christ Commission Fellowhip (CCF), Malolos City

His Name

We call him Zeb... my eldest daughter's firstborn son. His father gave him a triple Z combine name derived from the Bible with corresponding meanings connected to my daughter :

Zebadaiah (Zeb) means a "gift from God" "Jehovah bestowed", from I Chrnicles 27:7.. Zebadaiah is military man of the 4th Army division f Israel. A levite, son of Asahel,

Zephanaiah (Zeph) means " The Lord has protected", "The Lord has hidden". - the prophet sent by God to Judah to pronounce His judgement. (Book of Zephaniah)

Zechariah - means " the Lord remembers". Zechariah is a Hebrew prophet in the Bible. He was the one who saw the visions of the "horsemen, 4 horns and craftsmen, the measuring line, flying scroll and etc..", who told the Isarelites to return t the Lord and rebuild the temple. His was the famous saying," not by might, nor by power, but by My spirit. saith the Lord." (Zechariah 4:6)

Looking at Zeb, he is just 1 month old in the picture, I can see what his name means and the life he will take someday.  I wonder if his parents knows what his name will be to him when he grows up. And have they thought about that this child deserves a training that will unleash his destiny and make him a someone today.

Here is a baby, not an ordinary baby.... I can see the spirit of God in his eyes, not because he is my grandson but because indeed, Zeb is a gift from God a sign that God remembers His covenant to us.


Zeb's birth made me laugh!


Mmmm... perhaps teaching Zeb how to make waves someday is fun.. hahahahahhaha


Do you know what your name means? Your name is somehow connected to your life.

Caught In The Act

I was reading  the passage on John 8: 1-11 of the Bible. It's about a woman caught in adultery by the people. She was brought to Christ who was then teaching before a lot of people. Those who brought the woman aimed to look for a cause to accuse Christ .... and to shame the woman.

I was watching the New Tribes Mission's presentation of the Creation, which is part of the project given to me to interpret on the paper, when I thought about the passage. Two images are playing on my mind at one time : the video of the Creation and the passage... I can imagine the scene, noting in my mind that Christ wrote on the ground while the woman's accusers were talking to Him about the woman. So cool is our Savior.. I thought.

And then with a calm voice, He said - " He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her." and continued writing on the ground.

I wonder what Jesus was writing on the ground?
- the woman's sin?
-the people's sin?
or my name? Hahaha

The passage said, the people who are accusing the woman left. Even the very ones who are listening to Jesus' teachings, left! And there were only the woman and Jesus.

"Where are your accusers? Has no one condemned you?" Jesus asked.
" No man, Lord."  She said
"Go and sin no more." Jesus answered.


The video reached the point, presenting Eve eating the forbidden fruit and their eyes were opened. From that point, all men started to become sinners.  The video opened up to that presentation with :

" God created man out of His great love. He created us to love Him and part of that great love is His giving us the freedom to choose."


Sin has made man accusers and judges. Even our own conscience judge us and accuse us. No one has ever made a perfect life, a perfect attitude, a perfect relationship, a perfect him...
When we commit an evil or a wrong doing.. the tendency is always to seek punishment, be punished or be accused.

Will the hurt never end?

God gave us the freedom to choose, and God gave us also the help if we can no longer hold on because of our choices. That's what I think, is what He wrote on the ground---- a new law! A law setting us free from the punishment of the Law of Moses.  The new law Jesus expressed by saying:

" He who has no sin among you, let him cast the first stone at her."

Jesus didn't condemned the woman, He just forgave her and told her... " Go and sin no more."
You might say-- the woman never asked forgiveness.
Oh, her silence in the midst of shame was enough to admit that she was wrong.She never contests the people's claim. She was ready to accept the stones.

God's unconditional love gave us the freedom to choose. But has His forgiving, longing arms always waiting for us to come back and willing to accept us no matter how grievous our sin may be. His law of love and forgiveness, defies all law !

The Journal

The meeting was cancelled and I remembered the journal I was looking for for many weeks now. I need to find it..... in it are important write-ups I wrote years back that may impact the next years of my life.

I began unearthing the second floor of my house. I can feel it's just somewhere. And I found things that I have forgotten about .

Ang dami kong kalat... and look at what I have found:

gift cards from former students and letters from my kids. Oh I found a letter too from my mom....

my old dancing shoes... I remember performing with the our team in Cuneta Astrodome before thousands of audiences. Ours was the highlight. The energy was outrageous! That shoes brought me to different places and met different people, and brought me happy memories.

Things I hid inside my pillow. Ang mga ito ang tatapos sa mga pagtataka at paghahaka-haka ng maraming tao. Alam kong isang araw ay mababasa nila ang blog na ito. But when I found this, I decided to destroy them. Let everybody die wondering!! Nagpatawad na ako, hindi ko na kailangan ang mga ito at wala na ako pakialam.

the bracelet, yari sa black swarovski crystal and

the anklet ( pearls) I made 6 years ago.... the pearls were from my mom's wedding dress.... sinungkit ko! haha !

and few of the tribal necklaces na natago ... nakaipon pala ako ng isang kahon ng mga ganyan.

and finally after isang oras ng paghahanap... nakita ko din journal ko...... madami na akong naipong alikabok at agiw sa dustpan.

ang journal... nasa kahon pala ng mga itinago kong pambalot ng bulaklak na natanggap ko . Nasa loob din ng kahon ang mga sulat, pictures, wallets, accessories at dried flowers na natanggap ko ng mga nagdaang panahon. Sus, nu ba yun? Iniipon ko pala !

Whatever coaches may say, when you want to scale your future and do something for it, you cannot avoid looking back in the past, to find out what has been wrong and what has been good. To get some clues that may lead you to the keys... the keys that will unlock doors to what you are looking for, to paths that you want to take.

For me, I just want to find out the things I have discovered way back then, bring them to mind again and share with others.... maybe I could spark a little light..

May Isang Cupcake

Isang araw, I got in to find a cupcake specially for me.... and wow, naging araw-araw na ganun!! Sobrang saya ko, kasi kahit drawing lang ang cupcake totoo siya sa nagbigay at sa akin na binigyan!! Hindi alam ng nagbigay na abot batok ang ngiti ko! hahahahaha!!!

Isang araw, pinalungkot ako ng cupcake na ito-- dahil hindi sinasadyang naipakain ito sa iba. Bigla kong naramdaman na parang may bumitaw at pakiramdam ko ay bumulusok ang aking katawan sa isang malalim na balon, isang madilim na balon... biga akong nangapa! Hindi ko makita ang aking minamahal! At ako ay nag-umpisang matakot......

Alam kong nainis ang nagbigay ng cupcake dahil parang biglang nagkaroon ng hindi magandang kahulugan ang isang hindi sinasadyang kilos...alam kong hindi niya nagustuhan ang lahat ng aking naramdaman ng dahil sa cupcake... sa cupcakes na pwede naman niyang palitan, ngunit bakit isang big deal ang pagkawala ng limang piraso lamang? Hindi ko siya masisi. At dama ko ang kung ano man nararamdaman niya sa mga oras na yun. Kung alam lang niya na higit pa sa lahat ng naramdaman niya ang naramdaman ... magkahalong kalituhan, kalungkutan at pagkabigo! grabe! sagad!

Dalawang araw akong naghanap ng solusyon... gusto kong umalis sa balon, makakita ng liwanag, makita ang lugar, makita ang aking mahal at patayin ang may kagagawan.... ang aking calling na nagdala ng "gesture" sa aking buhay.

" You should have been proud you have that."

" No, am not."

" It brings the sun to your heart."

"And it also kills it."

"Many people wants to have it. They are even spending money to have it though they only get the acquired...you have the genuine.."

"Kanila na!"

....yan ang ilan sa mga pagtatalo sa aking isip.

Mabuti na lamang may kaibigan akong nakakaintindi ng aking nararamdaman. Alam na kaagad niya ang mga tanong ko kahit hindi pa ako nagsasalita.... madalang kasi na ako ang magyayang magkita kami. Karaniwang siya ang nagyayaya pero hindi niya ako mapapunta. Hindi diretsuhan ang aking mga pagtatanong pero deretso ang kanyang mga sagot. At nang mag-umpisa na akong magsalita ng diretso sa gusto kong tukuyin... nagliparan ang daan-daang ibong langay-langayan sa aming lugar.... sa sky garden ng SM North Edsa na para bang gustong mangakinig sa aming pinag-uusapan.

Masaya akong umuwi. Hindi lang liwanag ang nakita ko...... nakita ko ang buong lugar, nakalabas ako sa balon , nakita ko ulit ang aking mahal. Nakatulog ako sa van, naramdaman ko ang pagod. Pagdating ko sa bahay, pinuntahan ako ng nagbigay sa akin ng cupcake, matapos ang ilang pag-bibiruan pinasunod nya ako sa kanya sa kanyang lugar at aking gulat ko ng makitang pinuno niya ng cupcakes ang kanyang buong lugar!! "Lahat ng yan ay para sa iyo". Naramdaman ko kung gaano niya ako kamahal. Sa totoo lang, hindi ko alam kung ano ang sasabihin ko sa sobrang tuwa at saya ... dinaan ko ang lahat sa biro.

" Wala kang tatakasan, wala kang papatayin dahil ikaw 'yan. Tatlong panahon na ang nagdaan na pinalampas mo, panahon na para pansinin mo. Hindi mo kailangan ang mga bagay para ka sumaya or else may kulang... masaya ka na, hindi mo lang nalalaman dahil nakatuon ang isip mo sa ideal na isinet-up mo na nakikita mo sa iba.. hindi ganun ang disenyo mo. Tapos na ang panahong kumakagat ka ng bibinga. Gusto mong magkaron ng hinihingi mo dahil masaya ka na. Matutunaw ang mga bagay kung gugustuhin mo pero kung ayaw mo, mananatili sila."

Naintindihan ko.

" Ang cupcake ang gumising sa 'yo para malaman mo na panahon na para kumilos ka. Ang buhay ay isang malaking puzzle na orchestrated lahat ng kalangitan... pati ang panahon ng pag-iipon at pagsusudlong ng mga piraso nito ay orchestrated ng Maykapal. Mabagal ka kapag paulit- ulit mong naamoy ang simoy ng hangin ng nakaraan.... may dapat baguhin at ikaw lamang ang makagagawa noon. Huwag mo palampasin ang ano mang nasa harapan mo ngayon.. iyan ay blessing ng Maykapal."

Naunawaan ko.

Winasak ko na ang balon.. hindi na ako mahuhulog ulit doon.

Sa aking mahal.... salamat sa iyong pagmamahal. Alam kong madalas kitang mainis dahil sa masyado akong malayo kung tumingin at malikot akong mag-isip. At may mga disappointments ka sa skin. Alam kong dahil dito ay gusto mo na akong padalhan ng scud missile at pasabugin ang aking empire kasama na ang aking mga farms !! hahaha.. ngunit salamat sa iyong tyaga, pasensya at pang-unawa. Salamat sa pakikinig sa aking mga drama at komedya. Alam ko kung gaano mo ako kamahal... I know, coz I feel. And I love you more for it.... even so thankful that you came into my life. Thank you for all the cupcakes. Thank you for the 5 cupcakes that awakened me... it is not a mistake, God used you to bring me to my senses, to appreciate what a blessing I have. I know it's not an accident we knew each other...someday the puzzle will fit together. I just want you to know how dear you are to me, whether am away or near. :D

Always You

If there is one thing I cherish in this world right now,

it's not riches,

it's not honor,

it's not fame,

nor glory nor

the attention of the world...

it is you.

I thank God for every morning I wake up

beside you,

for every night I lay down

with you.

I may find all things I dream of,

but what would it mean

without

you?

Oh how I want my wishes come true,

for I dearly want

that I spend my life with you.

to walk each day,

to face each sunset,

to enjoy this life,

nothing else I will ask for.

You just don't know how much

you make me happy.

In spite of so many misunderstandings.

I count them as nothing,

for they don't mean a thing

compared to what I feel

in your presence.

I cherish you

now

and always

in my heart.

and

it will always

be

you !

Introspect

I give this feelings to You,

something I never wanted.

for I know in my spirit only You can help ~

my Lord,

can take and replace.

heal my heart, take away this feeling

of sadness that my being alone in life brings.

instead remove the scales from my eyes

and let me see

and enjoy every moment I have with my loved ones..

that going home to you early be departed from my mind,

just to be at peace,

just to stop thinking,

when will this feeling end.

Help me to enjoy every moment

and never look for things that are not here.

find solace and contentment,

not asking for anything in return,

not looking for what is impossible to be mine.

to understand deeply,

to love unconditionally,

to cherish every moment that is given to me.

I let go...

let go of this madness to You.

I choose to die to myself as I climb into Your presence again,

so I may live again..

alone or not

I live by my name.

Hear my Lord.

Hear oh God.

Selfless Love

"learn to watch .. learn not to see..but just look.

learn not to speak ... but learn to read even without words.

learn how to stand and lend a hand..

but learn not to ache when your eyes found,

what you wish isn't there, your heart cannot bear.

learn not to care but care coz you love.

breath in life never look back.

at the end of the day, sigh your heart out,

for tomorrow is another day

for your selfless love."