Excerpts from Sunsets

On Difficult Situations:

Being in a difficult situation calls for a strong determination to control the emotion to be able to do the right thing. But sometimes you can't help it-- you will certainly emote! But no matter how deep the emotion may be, what matters most is how you will gonna spring back to your old sane position, to be able to do the right thing!


Losing A Friend:

Losing a friend is like being amputated of your left hand, specially if you have devoted years letting your friendship grow. The pain cannot be erased specially if the loss is due to some dreams that can't come true. You can't help ask if your friendship was really built on solid ground. But a friendship needs an equal amount of respect to allow your friend to heal, learn and grow so that the tie will remain for future "reference".


Rainbow Connection:

When God first drew the rainbow in the sky, it symbolized His promise that never again will He destroy earth with a flood. When I first saw a rainbow that spoke to my heart, it was night, 9pm. It was a reminder of God's covenant in my life. I saw it again, in the middle of the heavy rain, over my house, two rainbows in perfect arches!

Taming the Fox

I got this from my email: A prince met a fox who's looking for someone to tame him so he could be his friend. The prince doesn't know how to tame a fox, he said he would rather tame his roses. The fox taught the prince how he will tame him, and he said: " You Prince will come to me everyday, sit before me, saying nothing... just look at me and I will look at you in the corner of my eye. And everyday you will sit closer to me. Because words are source of misunderstanding...". Conventional ways of knowing a person sometimes fail. We could say we have stayed with a person for years thinking we already knew him, but it's a sad fact to find out that after all the years, the other person will blurt out, " You didn't know me."! Sometimes, it's much better to follow the fox' way- "tame me", meaning "know me by feeling me!". That's how God knows us all... He knows us by heart not by mind, or else He would not understand our complications.

I wish the person who sent me that email has learned the fox' way. I don't think so, for he/she has failed to "tame" me.... so sad.


Sunsets

It doesn't mean the end of life. It doesn't mean growing old. It doesn't mean things are already done, one has to walk away...

I do my thinking on sunsets. It means a start of my life. It means a new day will come, tomorrow. It means I have to go on and never give up. It means life is beautiful in spite of the many difficult circumstances. It means rest to my weariness. I saw a lot of sunsets in my life, and I thank God for them.


" God has made every thing beautiful in His time...". -Ecclesiastes 3:11

Tired Mind

Walking the pathway of the park this morning, a friend of ours who's running an orphanage for streetkids in Quezon City, suddenly flashed into my mind with her words: " A time will come you will feel tired and alone, and see that all you've been doing is not enough. But no! You just hold on..."


It's been a week that I'm feeling tired and worn out, I wanted to go home to my house in Bulacan! I see that what I'm doing is not enough to create a change in every person's future. I feel am not making it through to all my goals. I love my work, and am happy doing it but sometimes I feel it's just not enough! My frustrations move high whenever a student of mine stop schooling, or stop attending my training classes. I got weak seeing that attitudes don't change from being tribal to being better. Or maybe am just expecting too much?


Schooling in my tribe is not that important. Survival is what matters. Idleness is the name of each day... a short time to work, and a lot of time to sleep and "play". Money and jewelries matters most, its their security. Perseverance and endurance are unknown words here. In our community, the motivation to be educated is high, yet still there are some who gets tired of going to our literacy classes. There are still some potential leaders who gave up my training classes.


There are times I can't stop telling my mom, "sana nag med na lang ako, or itinuloy ko yung pag take ng psychiatry, siguro wala ako dito, baka mayaman na ako!". Sometimes I also tell her, " You're not feeling the same way I do kasi nandyan si Dadi, malakas suportahan nyong dalawa." Which I guess also reached my Dad's knowledge.


Organizing my thoughts, I don't know where to start to energize my self-motivation and my zealousness to go on with my work. I feel alone in this field and neglected. Remembering our friend's word,"... but no! You just hold on!", a question popped out of my mind, " to what?". Oh my!!



In spite of my tiredness, I still was able to count on the learnings I got from Eicher. I"m trying to use those learnings to simplify my situation. Well, I learned from him that:


1. God loves me so much love I never knew before.

2. That life is simple and its beautiful. Our beliefs and attitudes make life complicated.

3. Maging simple lang ako, mas madaling makarelate sa lahat ng tao kapag simple ka lang. Sanay kang magchopstick, sanay ka ding mag silverwares, sanay ka ding mag kamay, kumain ala construction worker at kumain ala socialite! Flexible ika nga.

4. We all have a choice.


Huuuu!!! At marami pang iba, na di ko alam ipaliwanag pero kaya kong gawin.


Well I guess, I have no choice but to go on.

Looking Back...Passing By

Running errand for my mother in the city... as usual, naligaw ulit ako. I just can't memorize the route of jeepneys in the city. Instead of reaching SM in Pallocan West, I went as far as Alangilan. Sensing the way was wrong, I alighted from the jeep. There goes me... I decided to walk back to the right way.

I passed by the capitolio... I wondered when will I be able to get inside the Gov. Vi's office? The same way I did in Bulacan's governor's office.

I stepped onto fallen calachuchi flowers along the sidewalk... hmmm the scent! It brings back to my memory our old log house in Valenzuela City, when I was in high school. Sitting on top of our cemented fence, I would watch kids of my age play on the road. I couldn't join because of my RHD! That RHD of mine have wasted my youth! So glad I am out of it!

Passing by a fire tree with lots of flowers.... Oh gee, this tree reminds me of my birthday. Fire trees peaked its flowering in summer! Uhhhh, I love summer! The flowers, the heat, the opportunities summer may bring. Summer always, since I was young, brings me a lot of opportunities and memories. If some people get excited about Christmas, I get excited when summer draws near. Christmas brings me tears because of some unlikely memories, and tension because of gastusin! The "inaanaks" huh! Di pa naman ako sanay magtago, I love being caught and kissed by the hand saying, " Mano po ninang! Ehem, regalo ko!".

Fire trees rekindle the memories of my birthday, vacation and some good people in my life I met in the past who in some way and so short period of time have made me happy.

I finally made it to the right way. Riding the jeep to SM, I can smell the scent of the rain. May amoy pala ang ulan... at siyempre malamig ang pakiramdam. It was a cool scent. I remembered a song I heard:

" God will make a way whether seems to be no way,

He works in ways we cannot see..."

I read that as a verse in Isaiah where God told to His people in their impossible times that He will make a way in the desert.

Because I did face some difficult situations.

Reaching my destination, I felt relief after a long trip.

Time to play Time Crisis!