A hot black coffee and mamon is a good way to relax while writing this post, drifting back to many weeks that pass by. Countless disappointments, frustrations, tiredness due to overwork, overplay and over rest ! Over talaga! I became so irritated, cranky, sickly, jealous and withdrawn... yes, withdrawn! I stayed away from friends and people. . Yes, when you over do things, you will end up with feelings like mine. Until guilt came in because I tend to over react even over simple matters... I felt guilt sipping in coupled with loneliness.... I wanna die! Even in games I capped my taunt, "Pls. kill me." Avatar na lng di pa pinatawad. And I noticed am losing the glow on my skin. My samsonite hair shew some changes that seems to tell me I have to do something.
Our body has the capacity to heal itself along with our capacity to kill it without using any weapon. I slept long. I want to be revive. I went to the church, the songs we sang spoke to my heart,
"yes, I am wrong but I don't have the strength to undo what I did, nor have the strength not to do the things I must not do."
" yes, I know what to do but how will I do it?"
" all I can say is, "Am sorry. I am wrong. please forgive me."
My heart is void of words to say my prayers, that all I can say is.,
"You know me even before time, You know my thoughts and my heart, please understand what I want to say. Am void of words."
And I heard the word, "Selah !" in a command tense.
Selah is a Hebrew word which means " Pause and Breath "
Take a Selah !, my spirit groans.
I did.
And the Lord said in my heart, as if I am a novice in front of Him. His Word echoed in the place.
There is no sin that God the Father in heaven cannot forgive when you receive Jesus in your heart.
No sin he cannot wash away and no sin stain he cannot make white when you ask His forgiveness through faith in Christ.
God is a father not a taskmaster, nor a judge, instead He Himself made a solution for us to avoid judgement before Him, He sent Jesus to take the judgement and punishment which is supposed to be ours, upon Himself.
And I said, "I'm sorry, forgive me. I am forgetting." And these words flashed on the overhead screen:
Jesus said, " Come unto Me, ALL you who are weary and are burdened and I will give you REST..."
(Matthew 11:28)
"Come now and let us reason together, says the Lord : No matter how deep the stain f your sins, I can take it out and make you as clean, as freshly fallen snow. Even if you are stained as red as crimson, I can make you white as wool." ( Isaiah 1:18)
I rest my case. I took a Selah..... my long walk became a time to speak with God. I want my old me.
" You are very tired and you have forgotten to sit with Me. Your soul is so weary. You have forgotten that your joy is not on the things that surround you, it is inside your heart where My Spirit is. The normal life you want is not the normal life I designed for you. You will die when you depart from your design. You will wither like the flowers in your vase. I am your air. I am your life. I am your youth. I am your Father." says the Lord.
Rest.
Rest in the Lord.
