agatha

this day i don't know what to think anymore.
i have done the best i could to agatha..
my pure intentions were not rewarded,
for 2 years i considered myself a failure.
and now i am faced to its one of the many challenges.
among its challenges, this one is something too difficult for me to handle.
my name is at stake.
agatha is at stake.
most of its challenges i have handled and settled...this one remain untouched.
and in this one, i have already exhausted all my fuel and energy.
i got tired..so tired.
for i have exhausted already what i know.
and or this one i prayed:

my Lord God I commenced in Your hands Agatha
i have nothing more to do.
i failed.
Your greatest will be done.
this time Lord, do things for me.
and i will accept your will.


: (

You Are the One

It*s been two days....
I have received a note that touched the shield I have put around my heart so that no one can pass through to its chambers.

Yes, I admit. I have voluntarily afflicted myself with a two- year dose of " I, me and myself" shots to give time for my mind to heal of all the pain of my previous relationship, because I have grown numb to the word, "love".... I forgot the feelings. I forgot how to.

A gal friend of mine asked me, "how to know if you are in-love?" coz she, too, have forgotten how. I felt myself just staring at her and sling back the question to, followed with a loud laugh!

Intense and prolong pain makes you numb and insensitive. This happens to people who have lost their loved ones, or have failed relationships whose endings are worst.

The shield I placed was high and thick and yet here is one of the poems sent to me that cracked the shield I put around my heart, until shattering the shield into pieces.

Poems do not usually touch me. But this one was delivered unusually. The person took a stake at time just to find me and tell me how important I am in his life:


YOU ARE THE ONE


you*re the one i*ll always love,
who makes my life so colorful and bright.
you*re the one who touches my heart,
and fill my world with lots of love.

you*re the one i need so much,
who has a special way of turning my thoughts to romance.
you*re the one i keep dreaming about,
the one who inspires me so much.

a love so true i found in you.
i wonder what i*d do without you.
i hope no matter what
you will always be there for me.

you are the one...my life, my soul,
my everything,
only for you!





I don*t know what to say....

Nothing More Beautiful

there is nothing more beautiful
than you being here
in my world.

what is my world that
you should visit?
yet, you did!
and i am so thankful!

what could be more beautiful
than knowing
You are there.
watching, staying, staring,
can*t be seen,
can*t be touched.
but can be felt.

you
are like a soft wind from the west,
gently caressing the leaves of time,
of the unknown.

what could be more beautiful
than knowing
you love me?
yes, loving me
by someone as high as the heaven as you!
someone as complicated as the time.
someone as deep as the waters in the river
i always pass by...
i am amazed..
mesmerized...
appalled by this love.
but i know
i cannot reach you..
cannot touch you..
cannot know you..
i want to cross the bridge but
i don*t know how.
i want to touch the sky
but i don*t know how.

and i walk along this highway of life.
wondering... wondering...wandering.
my fear engulf me like a mist.
i cried.
and the rain fell upon my world,

and i remember: nothing can be more beautiful than knowing
it is you
and it is me.

and i walked away...

If I am An Angel...If I am a Genie...

if i am a genie,
i would grant you your three wishes.
i would cast a spell
that would change your pain into joy.
that would change your past,
and undo your mistakes.

if i am an angel.
i would fly into God*s chamber
and utter your name there that He would answer
all your prayers, and all your questions.

if i am a genie,
i will bring you inside my bottle
so you can rest and find solace.
then i will let you out again
with new strenght within.

but if i am an angel,
i will go into God*s presence
and surrender my wings
so
i
could be with
you

forever.

Ours Is Like A Fantaserye

Domeng....

Met him in a time nobody would ever think will come.
In a time where my world was preoccupied with the tribe, my career and....my career. ahuh!
That was May 14,2006.
Can still remember ei.

The following days were filled with talks about his life, my life (although I maintained one card under the table), his world...he let me saw his world, his world. And my world?...Ahh, I have no idea if he wanted to see mine. I was afraid to ask.

But the days were filled with talks on the texts... he didn*t want me to hear his voice...pangit daw! Well, I didn*t care. But he did care.

..of exchanges of gifts... we use couriers.
... of listening and understanding.
... helping one another.
But he never saw my face.
I never saw his face.
in person.
only in pictures.

There are times I have the doubt if he is the real Dominic?
But there are also times I shoved those doubts away. I don*t care.
Whether he*s real or not.
Because I saw the person inside the childish covers he had.
The person anyone would gonna like and love.
And I love it.

I read and feel the heartbeat he had,
but I chose not to take it seriously...I was afraid.
I can*t ask, because I might be wrong..
And I am afraid.

Then one day he was gone!
I don*t know why.
He was gone... and it made me think a lot of questions without answers.
Is it the hershey*s fault? Is it my fault?
But his leaving hurt me.
Why am I hurting? Don*t know...
But who cares? He wouldn*t know anyway.
He*s gone.

Years passed by...Eerr, two years passed by.
It*s May again...
When my world is preoccupied with work and wonderings...

I hate the times of my sudden sadness.
These times I hate the rain, I like the dimness of each night, the noise and the roads.

Then suddenly, he came back from nowhere....
And I in the place of no return.

It is May again... and it was May 21, 2010.

His return I never expected. I thought he was gone forever!
His return made me cry!
Si Domeng lang ang nakapagpaiyak sa akin,
sa gitna ng supermarket...

I cried... I don*t know why.
Siguro kasi bati na kami.
Nahh..... ganun lang?
I don*t know, still, why.
why I cried.

And I have known the reason why he left. And I was surprised! So surprised that I exclaimed, "Why didn*t you tell me?"

Because I was waiting to hear that but he didn*t tell.


Days are filled with talks in texts, and calls now! Oh yeah, I can now hear his voice and his laughs!
And a lot more beautiful things!
Beautiful things!
Beautiful things!

Ha ha ha ha ha!

And he*s a different person now! More beautiful than the one I*ve known before.
And I like the changes.
But still, we see only each other in ... pictures!

He is like a future in a glimpse.
You can talk to but you can*t touch.
Near but so far. A world apart.
Heaven and earth.
A dream.
A fantasy.... nope, a fantaserye!
Because we*re making a story.

But he said it*s not a dream, and not a fantasy...

You are Cinderella and I am Prince Charming! ha ha ha

So it is.