Walking the pathway of the park this morning, a friend of ours who's running an orphanage for streetkids in Quezon City, suddenly flashed into my mind with her words: " A time will come you will feel tired and alone, and see that all you've been doing is not enough. But no! You just hold on..."
It's been a week that I'm feeling tired and worn out, I wanted to go home to my house in Bulacan! I see that what I'm doing is not enough to create a change in every person's future. I feel am not making it through to all my goals. I love my work, and am happy doing it but sometimes I feel it's just not enough! My frustrations move high whenever a student of mine stop schooling, or stop attending my training classes. I got weak seeing that attitudes don't change from being tribal to being better. Or maybe am just expecting too much?
Schooling in my tribe is not that important. Survival is what matters. Idleness is the name of each day... a short time to work, and a lot of time to sleep and "play". Money and jewelries matters most, its their security. Perseverance and endurance are unknown words here. In our community, the motivation to be educated is high, yet still there are some who gets tired of going to our literacy classes. There are still some potential leaders who gave up my training classes.
There are times I can't stop telling my mom, "sana nag med na lang ako, or itinuloy ko yung pag take ng psychiatry, siguro wala ako dito, baka mayaman na ako!". Sometimes I also tell her, " You're not feeling the same way I do kasi nandyan si Dadi, malakas suportahan nyong dalawa." Which I guess also reached my Dad's knowledge.
Organizing my thoughts, I don't know where to start to energize my self-motivation and my zealousness to go on with my work. I feel alone in this field and neglected. Remembering our friend's word,"... but no! You just hold on!", a question popped out of my mind, " to what?". Oh my!!
In spite of my tiredness, I still was able to count on the learnings I got from Eicher. I"m trying to use those learnings to simplify my situation. Well, I learned from him that:
1. God loves me so much love I never knew before.
2. That life is simple and its beautiful. Our beliefs and attitudes make life complicated.
3. Maging simple lang ako, mas madaling makarelate sa lahat ng tao kapag simple ka lang. Sanay kang magchopstick, sanay ka ding mag silverwares, sanay ka ding mag kamay, kumain ala construction worker at kumain ala socialite! Flexible ika nga.
4. We all have a choice.
Huuuu!!! At marami pang iba, na di ko alam ipaliwanag pero kaya kong gawin.
Well I guess, I have no choice but to go on.
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